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Page 19 text:
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The. Cose, of-Hie. Ni «teeVi Escapes or fV ecxV HoM'Ay BesV PoUcy Cf UDGE STEWART presided at the hearing of Hadley-Luzerne Central School versus the Senior Class £ r of 1951 and the crowded courtroom gave evidence that the public realized only too well the underlying significance and far-reaching effects of this hearing. The school was represented by District Attorney Stuart M. Townsend, and the gifted orator and lawyer, Arthur Brown, represented the class. Attorney Townsend arose and said, “Your Honor, while 1 realize that it is somewhat unusual to make an opening statement yet, inasmuch as most of our evidence will be circumstantial, and it seems quite evident from the number of witnesses subpoened and preparations made by the defense that an at- tempt will be made to throw this case out of court at the end of the hearing, I want the jury to under- stand what we are trying to prove. We intend to prove that the Senior class of 1951 is not eligible to graduate in June of this year. The judge then asked Mr. Brown if he wished to say anything, but he didn’t. “Very well. The prosecution will call its first witness.” The prosecution called Mr. Charles Herman, who introduced evidence that the class of ’51 had been passably good, and had participated in many different activities. It was pointed out that they had not done too well in sports, which was a serious case against the class. “You may cross-examine,” the D.A. said. “No cross-examination.” Mr. Townsend next called a student, Robert Ziegler. Mr. Ziegler stated that during the Sophomore year the class had lost several members, but it had also gained some new ones. He further added that the class had helped the class of ’50 make a success of their pageant. This evidence was obviously very much in favor of the Seniors. The next witness for the prosecution was Shirley Mudge. “Miss Mudge,” Mr. Townsend said, “Do you recall when you first went on a paper drive?” Her answer was a definite “Yes, Your Honor To this Mr. Townsend asked,“Don’t you feel that you should have left that for the Senior class? Don’t you think that it was rather selfish taking their money-making project from them?” “No, I don’t feel that it was selfish. They gave it to us because they didn’t want it.” Mr. Townsend then quizzed her about the Junior Prom and how she had scrubbed the floor. He asked her if she didn’t think this rather unladylike, to which she replied, “It had to be done, so I did it !” “Cross-examine,” Townsend said. Mr. Brown said very quietly, “Miss Mudge, wasn’t this a rather messy job? Wouldn’t you rather have done something like decorating?” “Yes, it was a dirty job, but so were some of the others. Our class is noted for pitching in and getting done what needs to be done whether it be pleasant or otherwise.” “That’s what I wanted to know,” replied Mr. Brown. At this point it looked rather black for the prosecution, so District Attorney Townsend called to the stand a surprise witness, Mrs. DeVere Varney. “Mrs. Varney, do I understand correctly that you gave the Seniors some magazines for their paper drive ? ’ ’ “Yes, that is correct. I told Margaret where they were and not to take all of them. That was on a Fri- day. On Monday morning, I found that they had taken many valuable books,” replied Mrs. Varney. “You may cross-examine.” Is it correct that you didn’t show them exactly which ones not to take?” “Yes, that is correct, but I thought they would know better than to take those books.” “That is all.” The next witness called to the stand was Margaret Bullis. Mr. Townsend said, “Miss Bullis, did you attend the last Lion’s Club basketball game?” “Did you cheer for the Lion’s Club?” “No, I did Not.” “Weren’t you, Miss Mudge, and Miss Cranston cheer-leading for the Lion’s Club along with Mr. Brown?” “Yes, we attempted this feat, but it was only in fun. We were cheering for our team.” “That is all. You may cross-examine.” “No cross-examination.” “The defense rests its case then,” Mr. Townsend said. “Please call Mr. Orlin Tremaine to the stand,” asked Mr. Brown. “Mr. Tremaine, would you please relate to us briefly about the Junior’s pageant?” “Well, the Juniors wanted to put on a pageant, but they didn’t have enough people in their class to play all the parts, so they asked our class to help out. We assisted by lending Irene, Clara, Bill, Gladys, Celia, Barbara, and Norma.” “Thank you, Mr. Tremaine. You may cross-examine.” “Mr. Tremaine, do you feel that your class really put this pageant over?” “Not exactly, but our class certainly helped in putting it over.” “That is all.” “I did.” 15
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Page 18 text:
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We arrived in I iverpool, England, on May 33, 1999, and were surprised to discover that an old classmate of ours, Richard Millward, PhD., by name, was in the jug there for attempting to remove the Liver from Liverpool. We generously bailed him out and departed for London, where we heard that Margaret Bullis had recently become the world’s champion matador. This wasn’t too amazing because even back in high school she was very good at throwing the bull. While crossing the English Channel, we ran into Dick Forster, who was also in the brig. The offense? Embalming a seaman who had said that he was dead on his feet. Our next stop was Paris. Ah 1 Glorious Paris 1 We were just in time to see Shirley Mudge (better known today as Imogene La Rue) off on the train after taking the city by storm with her exclusive style of burlesque dancing. It’s too bad she couldn’t take the remains of Paris with her. In Spain, we found that Gladys Loveland, after an extensive search, had nabbed another million- aire, but she was living up to her reputation as president of F.H.A. (Future Homewreckers of Amer- ica), since she and her husband were maintaining their household in a junk-yard. Incidentally, this same junk is all that’s left today of the once world renowned “Don Parker’s Hudson Palace”. Park, by the way, has the enviable position of mascot for the Spanish Galleon Baseball Team. During our brief stop in Germany, we met Bob Ziegler, who informed us that he had just com- pleted an eight-year course in engineering. Although he was in a hurry, he was gracious enough to offer us a ride back to Berlin in the cab of his steam locomotive. The next old acquaintance we met was in the Belgian Congo. We oiled Celia Mac’s brain and blew out a few of its cobwebs, since it was rather rusty from the damp air and the leisurely life she had been leading. In return, she gave us a sure formula for touring Turkey on $.65. In that country we came across Irene Jockers, who was teaching modern Chinese with a New York accent (formerly shorthand) in a Turkish University. We were just strolling through one of the new Iranian Hospitals when we met Deniece White, tear- ful because she had been fired for beginning her nurse’s career by ending her patient’s career. Emerson Howe was the old friend we stumbled onto in Arabia. He’s famous in those parts for crossing the camel with the cow. A recent survey has shown that nearly every nomadic tribe now has a herd of camows. When we entered India, we were adopted into one of the native tribes there upon the recommenda- tion of Clara Le Barron. Clara, after a mere four years is a witch doctor. She now has four capable assistants, namely, Jacky Cranston, who has a passion for the cleaner, Jean Woodward, who’s highly skilled with the meat saw and Barbara McCullough, who can make some mighty fancy stitches with her patented bamboo needle and human-hide thread. Oh, yes, quiet, meek, little Norma Butler calmly sweeps up the remains of the victims of their $5,000,000 hospital in southern India. Clara had a rather dangerous glint in her eye when she saw one of Bill’s old wounds from an over-friendly lion, so we left hurriedly for Bucket Waterhouse’s palace near Rangoon. However, his harem was having a civil war, so, rather than become involved, we hastily departed. We had an uneventful trip back to good old Luzerne, where, incidentally, the tourist trade has be- come stupendous of late, undoubtedly because it possesses the oldest high school building in the world. We are now retiring from animal training and traveling, primarily because Orlin has never been the same since he lost one of his heads to a Bengal tiger.
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