Gwynns Falls Junior High School - Gwynnonia Yearbook (Baltimore, MD)

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june 1931 GWYNNONIA 11 THE ADVENTURES CF A DREAMER By HERBERT SHUGAR EDITORIS Nom: In looking over its ma- terial the Gic1'dy Whirl', found the follow- ing story written many years ago. It seems to be the result of 4 fevered brain that has just completed its junior high school career. It was one of those cold, rainy, misty days, that I had wandered up into the attic. Here I always came to brood and dream. Here I had learned to love and to appreciate my books and pictures. Upon this eventful evening, I decided to look over all my old treasures. I had nearly finished looking over all my things when a gold-bound book caught my eye. I had never seen it before and it presented an agreeable mystery to me. With great curiosity and care I placed it in my lap. Glaring gold letters greeted me as I turned the first page. It read The Book of Lifev. I was spellbound in my ecstasy. Here was a treasure, something I had never seen or touched. With eager and trembling hands I turned the second page. The only words on this page were, You are the honored one! Immediately after reading that, I felt some paradoxical, vague feeling, as though I were leaving the attic, as though I were reeling through some inexorable force. My eyes began to take in curious objects. Then I saw numbers swimming by: 1935, 1940, 1945, 1950. Suddenly everything cleared somewhat and a lone, old figure stood before me. He announced himself thus: I am Father Timefi I shall have taken you twenty years into the future in a short time. Each year I choose someone to rake into the hidden future. You have been honored on this occasion. I will inscribe your name in this golden category. He showed me a golden book with nineteen hundred and thirty names in ir. Again the same vague feeling returned and I seemed to skim through the air. I don't know what length of time had elapsed since my vague- ness had returned, but to my astonishment, I found myself in a spacious room. About me were gigantic shelves of large books. In a corner sat the same solitary, placid figure of Father Time. He began to speak: I will make you invisible to the naked eye. You shall make a two-day visit of Baltimore. You can go through the strongest doors, unseen, and through the thickest of windows, unheard. With this instrument you shall accomplish these mir- acles. He then wrote a message on a big piece of paper. While he was writing, I saw a grim, deso- late, menacing figure pass, I knew it was the Past. Right behind came a quiet, sedate looking gen- tleman who reminded me of the Present. Be- fore I could turn my back I saw the Future: bright, glamorous, optimistic. All this was vastly entertaining. Then the old patriarch, Father Time, handed me a peculiar piece of mechanism, which I care- fully fondled and then placed in my pocket. Merely press the small button on it, he said, and you shall have that which you seek or wish. Now go, my friend, and good luck to you. I sincerely hope you find all your Old classmates. On the outside I bumped into a man who was hurrying to his home. He was somewhat jarred. He looked around and then straight at me. He scratched his head aimlessly and continued on his way. My invisible apparatus had succeeded on first effort. This was fun! Bursting with confidence, I sauntered down the hall which led to a street. Once more in the open, I took a deep breath and began walking. I had hardly walked a block, when a loud voice was heard. I ran to the spot from where it seemed to come. There I found Oliver Gardner, a red- blooded, tough hoodlum, beating up his former classmate, Sidney Rodman. Noting Sidney's ex- treme discomfort, I decided to stop the brawl. I then asked Gardner, in a timid voice, how he had amassed such terrible strength. He coyly confessed to me that he had taken daily lessons in pugilism from the famous Gruber Shipley, who, in his prime, was known as Greasy Gruber . Shipley, by the way, had burned out all his energy singing for various organizations. Gardner's boldness had so impressed me that I determined to take him along with me on my jaunt through the streets. He assented. On our way downtown we passed a theatre. To be exact it was called the Gwynnsonia Theatre. I noticed they were having as its stellar attraction, Charlotte Orem as Venus de Milo , in A Fare- well to Armsv. We passed on. The next center of our attention was a debating hall. I wished to enter, so I told Gardner to wait for me, as he could not gain admittance through. the door. I explained to him my present situation and the advantageous methods I was able to em- ploy in order to gain any entrance. Then I made myself invisible and nonchalantly falthough I had no Muradl, strolled through the door. I immediately recognized the center of a large gathering. He was none other than Gordon Poore. He had just finished singing, The Lag- a-bond Lover . He stood alone on the stage now, and began his scheduled speech. His topic, long waited for by hundreds of eager students was Abolishing Crooning by Street Cleaners as They Work.

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10 GWYNNONIA June 1931 game at the end of the eighth stanza because of a fit of anger at an opposing player in which Con- nelly threw his voice at him. Eddie Meyers, re- cently purchased from the Gwynns Falls Red and Grays for the enormous sum of S100,000, played a bang-up game in left field, garnishing four hits in as many trips to the bat. Among the noted people in the audience were Abe Friedman, mayor of Cheese City, Switzer- land, and Robert Straw, who has just completed his project of connecting the peaks of the Alps by a continuous chain of bridges. Miss Audrey Woods accompanied Miss Beatrice Walsh, fam- ous sportswoman. 3 FAMOUS SWIMMER SETS NEW MARK Miss Vera Freedenberg today set a new swim- ming record by swimming the Gulf of Mexico in two hours, three minutes, and four seconds. Miss Freedenberg wished to crash into Mexican society, so she chose this way of making a name for her- self. Miss Freedenberg's record was caused by good luck. A fisherman saw her floating on her back and he mistook her for a new species of fish and fished her up. He then took her to her des- tination. . eb HIKING CLUB ANNOUNCES NEW POLICY Miss Mabel Helwig is formally announcing the hrst anniversary of her hiking club. The last hike which Miss Helwig and her club attempted was unfortunately a failure because her Ford broke down far from its destination. This was a sad set- back to Miss Helwig's policy. The policy is this: Miss Helwig and her fellow- members go in the 'flivverv until they run out of gas. Then they hike to the place that was selected for the end of the hike. The gas is so measured that the Ford stops about twenty-five yards from the hiker's destination. Q- OUR IN QUIRING REPORTER I, r Do you know that- Jeanette Morgan has at last finished a piece of work by herself. Margaret Wolf has just bought a book shop, which to her dismay contains no thrilling detec- tive or underworld magazines. Marie Hall has been editing a comic strip in the Believe-it-or-notv news called That Typing Teachetf' In the recent search for the best cook, Miss Helen Lang won the laurels. The prize was a movable kitchenette. Miss Lang, out of the kind- ness of her heart, has promised to make a gift of it to the next flag-pole sitter. Mr. Robert Clickner has opened a school for backward pupils of ninth grades. We hear they are doing so well that some of them have just fin- ished learning the alphabet. Great strides in surgery have been made by Dr. Nolan R. Best, who has just invented a mallet which will do away with the use of anesthetics. One tap on the patientls head and he is ready for the operation. Louise Harrell is a gymnasium teacher at Gwynns Falls. Louise can still get at least 28 balls in the basket a minute. Helen Sullivan is the owner of the Big Suc- cess Company, on Lafayette Avenue. Her spe- cialty among books is Ivanhoe. Miss Catherine Robinson who sailed recently for an unknown destination, was found teaching typing and bookkeeping to the Fee-jee Islanders. Miss Beatrice Walshe has worked herself up from a humble secretary to the sixth vice-president of a chewing gum concern. Because of her posi- tion, Miss Walshe gets all the gum she wants for nothing, and that's plenty. Miss Jane Wolf is the thirteenth person to un- derstand the Einstein theory. She has devoted her life to this study, and now it comes perfectly clear to her. Edith Reinhardt has turned gypsy on us and is running a tea room in San Francisco's China- town. She tells the fortunes of all the little Chi- nese. 4 - -- A ADVERTISE WITH US Uncle falzeis Kiddie Carnival For Childish Fun by a Master of It Full arrangements and particulars from Jacob Schwiegerath, Station BABY PEEK-IN AT PEKING When in China do as Chinese do. Stop in at the Peek-In Ytuaeb Eppohs Owned and conducted by Miss Alice Keim YE OLDE CLOTHES PARKVIEW AVENUE Second hand suits. Worn only once by the owner Franklin Bitz PARLEZ-VOUS FRANCAISE French taught in a thousand lesson: for more, Learn under an eminent professeur Francis Drape Q U

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12 GWYNNONIA june 1931 !'Wirh such good men as Vudy Rallee and Bill Osborne in our ranks, it is well enough, but why should us he-men of the yodeling world be thrust aside in our attempt to gain honors, by these Hne- singing street cleaners. Thus spake Gordon. A great ovation greeted the finish of these Words, And, continued the lividly enraged Poore boy, the leader of this group is none other than the handsome, young, erstwhile world-famous ten- or, Francis Buckingham! A murmur went through the crowd. Enraged cries and confused exclamations lingered. Then Sidney Berlin sprang up from his seat and, given permission to speak, said: Bucking- ham, dashing as he is, not only is a rebel to you, fellow crooners, but he has the iron nerve to teach Herbert Newberry how to play basketball. From the latest reports I have received, he plans to open a gymnasium to strengthen young men, and then send them to his crooning school, which he also intends to establish. That was ,enough for me. As I left, the angry shouts rang the air, and almost broke my ear- drums. I decided I had had enough for one day. My hrst day seemed over, so we headed for Father Time's lodgings. When we arrived, I explained Gardner's presence to him. I-Ie nodded approvingly and handed me a scroll. I-Ie then said, When you open this scroll, you will find the number of the room in which you and your friend shall spend the night. YOu will also find a key. Put the key in your right pocket and your mechanism will have effect on your friend, if that should be necessary. Good-night. Shade of Athelstane, whispered Ollie, t'I'm hungry! Oh, as for food, said Father Time, who must have overheard, I will send some up. After all directions had been carried out and the food was eaten, I gave a long-drawn out sigh. What would the morrow bring? I wondered. We arose early and immediately started a tour through the industrial center of the city. A small, bright-looking factory attracted our attention. In the doorway we found Abraham Slamovitz. Upon seeing Gardner, he rushed over to him joyously and began pounding him about familiarly, as had been his custom in the past. But, as we all know, Gardner surprised Abraham with a terrific upper-cut to the big toe in his left foot. Slamovitz went down for the count of 0. When he rose, I thought I should never see a face so full of amazement, incredulity, and remorse. Of course, he wanted an explana- tion. After I told him all, he came over to Gardner and offered his hand. Gardner, hard as ever, eyed him with contempt and said in a hard tone, 'iBahl Slamovitz, shrugging his shoulders, asked me to come in his factory and watch his men at work. I told him I was in a hurry and asked him to expain the nature of his works. I found that he was a rich man, having made millions on his world-famous invention, the New Special Cribbing Machine. He imitated the pro- cess he once used in the classroom. After racking his brain for many years, he invented a machine, which strange to say, no teacher could detect. Thus he is making a fortune of money, selling the Cribbing Machine to hundreds of eager students. At the City Hall, we found Paul Geisenkotter pleading with the mayor, Jesse Hann, the red- headed and red-blooded he-man of Baltimore. Paul was demanding, If you do not listen to my pleas, I shall personally establish a movement among my fellow men, six feet tall and up, to force the city to make the ceilings of public buildings and li- braries higher, so that I can increase'my civic learning and reading capacity. Reallyn. Patil stamped his feet in anger, and the floors caved in. Dismiss this uncouth, impertinent young scamp from these premises, said I-Iann, addressing his secretary, Edward Ay. When he received no response, his I-Ionor, the mayor, investigated the cause. He found Ay asleep over his private desk, with a copy of Gwynns Falls Ripples in his hand. After I-Iann had awakened him, Ay blinked his eyes uncer- tainly, and murmured, 'QWi11 the meeting come to order?,' After this humorous incident, I purchased a paper. Ir was a good paper. Doris Oberseider was the editor and Lawrence I-larding was the reportorial genius of the paper. I was busily reading the paper when I saw Frank Angier's name at the bottom of the page. Following it up, I learned that he had distinguished himself as a window washer by turning his cap inside out and smoking a cigar from the wrong end. I also read of the fame Charles Cohen had achieved. Cohen, former star soccer player, was a chemist of high order. I-Iis great masterpiece was a fluid he had made, which when taken by miniature golf fanatics, kept them from breaking their clubs in a fit of anger because they missed the second hole. Or was it the ninth? We came to a statue of a man, which was called The Thinker-,', at the next corner. Beside this gigantic mass of sculpture was Stanley Goldstein. When I asked him why he was so quiet, he an- swered, Oh, I'rn practicing for my part in my next play, entitled 'Rip Van Winkle's Long Nap'. Again we passed on, Oliver sniffing contemptu- Ously at Goldstein's silent antics.