Gwynns Falls Junior High School - Gwynnonia Yearbook (Baltimore, MD)

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10 GWYNNONIA June 1931 game at the end of the eighth stanza because of a fit of anger at an opposing player in which Con- nelly threw his voice at him. Eddie Meyers, re- cently purchased from the Gwynns Falls Red and Grays for the enormous sum of S100,000, played a bang-up game in left field, garnishing four hits in as many trips to the bat. Among the noted people in the audience were Abe Friedman, mayor of Cheese City, Switzer- land, and Robert Straw, who has just completed his project of connecting the peaks of the Alps by a continuous chain of bridges. Miss Audrey Woods accompanied Miss Beatrice Walsh, fam- ous sportswoman. 3 FAMOUS SWIMMER SETS NEW MARK Miss Vera Freedenberg today set a new swim- ming record by swimming the Gulf of Mexico in two hours, three minutes, and four seconds. Miss Freedenberg wished to crash into Mexican society, so she chose this way of making a name for her- self. Miss Freedenberg's record was caused by good luck. A fisherman saw her floating on her back and he mistook her for a new species of fish and fished her up. He then took her to her des- tination. . eb HIKING CLUB ANNOUNCES NEW POLICY Miss Mabel Helwig is formally announcing the hrst anniversary of her hiking club. The last hike which Miss Helwig and her club attempted was unfortunately a failure because her Ford broke down far from its destination. This was a sad set- back to Miss Helwig's policy. The policy is this: Miss Helwig and her fellow- members go in the 'flivverv until they run out of gas. Then they hike to the place that was selected for the end of the hike. The gas is so measured that the Ford stops about twenty-five yards from the hiker's destination. Q- OUR IN QUIRING REPORTER I, r Do you know that- Jeanette Morgan has at last finished a piece of work by herself. Margaret Wolf has just bought a book shop, which to her dismay contains no thrilling detec- tive or underworld magazines. Marie Hall has been editing a comic strip in the Believe-it-or-notv news called That Typing Teachetf' In the recent search for the best cook, Miss Helen Lang won the laurels. The prize was a movable kitchenette. Miss Lang, out of the kind- ness of her heart, has promised to make a gift of it to the next flag-pole sitter. Mr. Robert Clickner has opened a school for backward pupils of ninth grades. We hear they are doing so well that some of them have just fin- ished learning the alphabet. Great strides in surgery have been made by Dr. Nolan R. Best, who has just invented a mallet which will do away with the use of anesthetics. One tap on the patientls head and he is ready for the operation. Louise Harrell is a gymnasium teacher at Gwynns Falls. Louise can still get at least 28 balls in the basket a minute. Helen Sullivan is the owner of the Big Suc- cess Company, on Lafayette Avenue. Her spe- cialty among books is Ivanhoe. Miss Catherine Robinson who sailed recently for an unknown destination, was found teaching typing and bookkeeping to the Fee-jee Islanders. Miss Beatrice Walshe has worked herself up from a humble secretary to the sixth vice-president of a chewing gum concern. Because of her posi- tion, Miss Walshe gets all the gum she wants for nothing, and that's plenty. Miss Jane Wolf is the thirteenth person to un- derstand the Einstein theory. She has devoted her life to this study, and now it comes perfectly clear to her. Edith Reinhardt has turned gypsy on us and is running a tea room in San Francisco's China- town. She tells the fortunes of all the little Chi- nese. 4 - -- A ADVERTISE WITH US Uncle falzeis Kiddie Carnival For Childish Fun by a Master of It Full arrangements and particulars from Jacob Schwiegerath, Station BABY PEEK-IN AT PEKING When in China do as Chinese do. Stop in at the Peek-In Ytuaeb Eppohs Owned and conducted by Miss Alice Keim YE OLDE CLOTHES PARKVIEW AVENUE Second hand suits. Worn only once by the owner Franklin Bitz PARLEZ-VOUS FRANCAISE French taught in a thousand lesson: for more, Learn under an eminent professeur Francis Drape Q U

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june 1931 GWYNNONIA 9 .g..g........g..g.....g..q..g-..g..g..g..g..g...........g..g.....g.4.-g..g..g.....g..g..g.....g..g... SOCIETY CHIT-CHAT Party in Honor of Season's Most Popular Debutante The event of this week was a party at the home of Admiral Donald Jett, on the Severn River. Admiral Jett is a well known antique collector. The first guest to arrive was Miss Grace Schillace who had just returned from a concert tour. She has studied abroad under the instruction of the famous singer Francesco Drape. Soon after, Mr. Donald Wolff was announced. Mr. Wolff was recently awarded the prize, a 1917 model Ford, for being the best dressed man-about-town. They ar- rived in his new vehicle at the terrific speed of twenty miles an hour. The butler, Paul Geissenkotter fchosen because of the dignified way in which he announced the arrival of the guestsj, was quite surprised at one time when he opened the door, for confronting him was a former school chum, now Sir Aaron Epstein. Sir Aaron was recently knighted because of his deeds of valor. The remainder of the guests soon arrived. Miss Virginia Bailey, who has been much entertained since her debut, was accompanied by Mr. McDon- old Tracey. Mr. Tracey, you will recall, has just returned from a hunting expedition in South Africa. He has just presented Admiral jett with a crocodile tooth, which was extracted by the able Bernard S. French, Jr. Dr. French, one of our most eligible bachelors, whom we are glad to wel- come back to this country, was also present. Miss Charlotte Rossberg, who has spent the winter in Bermuda, was the next to arrive. Mr. Leonard Benowitz, a promising young lawyer who, al- though he has never yet won a case, is still opti- mistic and looking forward to a great future, was next announced, and after him, Miss Myra Belle Hurley, who recently graduated from Bryn Mawr with high honors. Monsieur joel Levenson, the great French artist, who, according to his auto- biography, studied under Michaelangelo fa por- trait of this famous man hung above his deskj, arrived from New York. He came to this coun- try for the purpose of painting the portraits of Henry Barton, transcontinental air-mail pilot. Many other celebrities arrived, the last of whom was an eminent scientist, Professor Emanuel Pu- retz. The Professor is contemplating a trip to Mars by rocket. Anyone wishing to accompany him must file application immediately. He en- tered the room with his friend, Sidney Berlin, who has just discovered a race of pygmies in Australia. Admiral Jett had provided many forms of en- tertainment for his guests. A fox hunt took place on Saturday. As Mr. McDonald Tracy could not bear the thought of killing a fox, he did not take part in this amusement. gag..q..g..g..q..g.....g..g..g..g..g..g..g..q..g..5..5-.5..g..g..q..g..q..g..g..g..g..g..g..g..g. The great Hindu magician, Randolph Kirkpat- rick, gave an exhibition of his skill in the eve- ning. An orchestra, consisting of five pieces, fur- nished music for dancing. The orchestra deserves mention for its discordant melodies. Robert Pierce, celloistg Carey Nugent, saxophonist, Rudolph Sommerwerck, harpist, Milton Ridgell, drummer, and Milton Meyers, violinist, were the members. The orchestra was led by Peter Gutsch. The solo- ist of the evening was Emma Schleuper, who, as all great artists, announced that she had reached the depths of happiness and the heights of de- spair. On Sunday, golnng, canoeing, tennis, and rid- ing were the principal entertainments of the morn- ing. The great event of the day was the depar- ture of Professor Emanuel Puretz in his rocket plane. He left for Mars in the afternoon. As the guests were departing, a sudden shout was heard. Mr. Donald Vifolff could not find his car. A general search was instituted and the auto- mobile was finally discovered in Admiral jettis antique room. The Admiral was very sorry, he said, to have to give the car up, so Mr. Wolff allowed him to keep it. A kind friend took Mr. Wolff home and the party ended happily for all. ' ANNUAL COMMENCEMENT OF ARTLESS ACADEMY Mr. Mackay last night was presented his degree in art. The degree was really for endurance in art because he is still making the clay cup he started in 1931. Mr. George Austerman was awarded his tenth one-year scholarship. He was loudly applauded when, in an acceptance speech, he claimed to have the largest pile of discarded artistic attempts in the world. The music of the evening was supplied by Mr. Kenneth Foy, who is one of the world's greatest pianists. At the conclusion of the evening Mr. Foy was presented a beautiful, battered, gold- plated cup for his playing at the commencement. The graduates marched out to the slow move- ment of Chop Sticks which Mr. Foy played with his usual ability. al: ATHLETICS WIN EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP Defeat Switzerland Alps The Athletics, under the brilliant management of Nats Topel, have just beaten the strong Switz- erland Alps for the championship of Europe. The score was 8-1. The excellent pitching of Newberry made the Alps yodel. He had some excellent support in Howard Connelly, versatile third baseman. Connelly was banished from the

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june 1931 GWYNNONIA 11 THE ADVENTURES CF A DREAMER By HERBERT SHUGAR EDITORIS Nom: In looking over its ma- terial the Gic1'dy Whirl', found the follow- ing story written many years ago. It seems to be the result of 4 fevered brain that has just completed its junior high school career. It was one of those cold, rainy, misty days, that I had wandered up into the attic. Here I always came to brood and dream. Here I had learned to love and to appreciate my books and pictures. Upon this eventful evening, I decided to look over all my old treasures. I had nearly finished looking over all my things when a gold-bound book caught my eye. I had never seen it before and it presented an agreeable mystery to me. With great curiosity and care I placed it in my lap. Glaring gold letters greeted me as I turned the first page. It read The Book of Lifev. I was spellbound in my ecstasy. Here was a treasure, something I had never seen or touched. With eager and trembling hands I turned the second page. The only words on this page were, You are the honored one! Immediately after reading that, I felt some paradoxical, vague feeling, as though I were leaving the attic, as though I were reeling through some inexorable force. My eyes began to take in curious objects. Then I saw numbers swimming by: 1935, 1940, 1945, 1950. Suddenly everything cleared somewhat and a lone, old figure stood before me. He announced himself thus: I am Father Timefi I shall have taken you twenty years into the future in a short time. Each year I choose someone to rake into the hidden future. You have been honored on this occasion. I will inscribe your name in this golden category. He showed me a golden book with nineteen hundred and thirty names in ir. Again the same vague feeling returned and I seemed to skim through the air. I don't know what length of time had elapsed since my vague- ness had returned, but to my astonishment, I found myself in a spacious room. About me were gigantic shelves of large books. In a corner sat the same solitary, placid figure of Father Time. He began to speak: I will make you invisible to the naked eye. You shall make a two-day visit of Baltimore. You can go through the strongest doors, unseen, and through the thickest of windows, unheard. With this instrument you shall accomplish these mir- acles. He then wrote a message on a big piece of paper. While he was writing, I saw a grim, deso- late, menacing figure pass, I knew it was the Past. Right behind came a quiet, sedate looking gen- tleman who reminded me of the Present. Be- fore I could turn my back I saw the Future: bright, glamorous, optimistic. All this was vastly entertaining. Then the old patriarch, Father Time, handed me a peculiar piece of mechanism, which I care- fully fondled and then placed in my pocket. Merely press the small button on it, he said, and you shall have that which you seek or wish. Now go, my friend, and good luck to you. I sincerely hope you find all your Old classmates. On the outside I bumped into a man who was hurrying to his home. He was somewhat jarred. He looked around and then straight at me. He scratched his head aimlessly and continued on his way. My invisible apparatus had succeeded on first effort. This was fun! Bursting with confidence, I sauntered down the hall which led to a street. Once more in the open, I took a deep breath and began walking. I had hardly walked a block, when a loud voice was heard. I ran to the spot from where it seemed to come. There I found Oliver Gardner, a red- blooded, tough hoodlum, beating up his former classmate, Sidney Rodman. Noting Sidney's ex- treme discomfort, I decided to stop the brawl. I then asked Gardner, in a timid voice, how he had amassed such terrible strength. He coyly confessed to me that he had taken daily lessons in pugilism from the famous Gruber Shipley, who, in his prime, was known as Greasy Gruber . Shipley, by the way, had burned out all his energy singing for various organizations. Gardner's boldness had so impressed me that I determined to take him along with me on my jaunt through the streets. He assented. On our way downtown we passed a theatre. To be exact it was called the Gwynnsonia Theatre. I noticed they were having as its stellar attraction, Charlotte Orem as Venus de Milo , in A Fare- well to Armsv. We passed on. The next center of our attention was a debating hall. I wished to enter, so I told Gardner to wait for me, as he could not gain admittance through. the door. I explained to him my present situation and the advantageous methods I was able to em- ploy in order to gain any entrance. Then I made myself invisible and nonchalantly falthough I had no Muradl, strolled through the door. I immediately recognized the center of a large gathering. He was none other than Gordon Poore. He had just finished singing, The Lag- a-bond Lover . He stood alone on the stage now, and began his scheduled speech. His topic, long waited for by hundreds of eager students was Abolishing Crooning by Street Cleaners as They Work.