Grove City Area High School - Pine Knot Yearbook (Grove City, PA)

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April 1 THE RAZZBURG GAZETTE CHIMES Page Three LOCAL Miss Janette Nicklin while driving out College avenue in her Tin Lizzie at a high rate of speed was suddenly confronted by a hugh white hen belonging to Miss Pettit. To avoid die- molishing the feathery ap- parition Miss Nicklin turned her car into the curb. She was unable to find the clutch and drove directly through a south window of the Jas. McKay home. The fenders ripped a few pictures off the walls and the engine struck the parlor sofa amid- 5 ships, separating temporar- ily the occupants. Besides collecting damages for yar- nish scratches off the mov- ables it is understood Miss McKay will Filer suit against Lizzie for alienat- ing affections. Prof. Clarence Donaldson QZ-Z-ZJ noted archaeologist, a graduate of Fredonia In- stitute, Military Division, has recently unearthed the jaw-bone and three eggs of a prehistoric five leggef Whiff-in-Roofer along the pleasant banks of Wolf Creek near Cow Belly Bend, Pa. Prof. Donaldson was strolling along aimlessly searching for green striped what-nots as is his custom when his eagle eye espied a peculiar shrub growing up- side down from a rock, sus- pended in mid air. Return- ing the next day he un- earthed the remains of a former inhabitant of this fair orb here-to-fore entire- ly unknown to science. It is estimated that the discovery will cast much light on several puzzling questions now confronting such worthy men as Prof. Clair Wolford, David Shelly, and Harold White, who have made exhausting ex- Deriments with an incuba- tor for worms. tAt least they were exhausting to the profs.J These men have devoted their lives to research work in t-eha'f of humanity. Prof. Donaldson is a member of the General Gonglomera- tion of Goofs, whose head- quarters is in Harrrmerfest, Norway. Officers Nemo and Bran- don CChas. Ray sulasj made a raid in the Chinatown dis- trict of lower Broad yester- day evening. Tlgy found a hooch establishment in fuli swing under the manage- ment of Li Hung McChes- ney. Among those taken in the raid were Peg Leg Vin- cent and One Lamp Louis Miller. Vin-cent was remand- ed to the coop on failure to secure 5c bail, but Milfer succeeded in persuading a lady friend, E. Vinton, to fork over 5c in his behalf. Trials will come up at next session of court under Jud- ges Coyer and McQuiston. Dorothy Allen, the your Prima Donna, has brought suit for 251005000 damages against Harrold iWhite for ruining her possibilities as a Public Idol. The jury has it that Harold invited her to occupy the same single chair that he was occupying and then boldly slipped his arm about her waist before the whole nc-ol room. In de- Ifense Harold says that it was absolutely necessary and was not meant as ser- gious. Dc-rothv has disproven -this statement by several witnesses testifying that it 'was done with malice afore- thought. Southhamvptc-n, Australia -Terrific cyclone plays ha- voc with band of Americans seeking their fortunes. While touring Deacefuily along in a Boils Rice Twin 1 1-2. Glen-n Coulter, Elton Martin, Ralph Stowe and William Fresh were forcibly struck by a combination blizzard, cyclone and ty- phoon which lifted the,pow- erful car sever-al feet from the ground and took the less hefty occupants along, - 27 save Apie Fresh, who felt the gravity of the situation when he was suddenly drop- ped frozn its clutches to the hard Terra Firma below. Several days later a pig- tailed chink found Ralph half submerged in his after- noon repast of rice, Elton landed safely on top of Mt. Everest and is returning to civilization on a gla-zierg Couiter had a merry ride to the North Pole, where he is waiting for the U. S. naval expedition to bring him a ladder that he may climb down. These four daring adventurers arranged to meet again as soon as pos- sible in Siberia that they may study the Mammoth Cave of Kentucky, situated in Ireland. SOlCIETY On the evening of May 1, at 8:30 o'clock at the home of the bride's parents, Miss Elizabeth McIntosh, daugh- ter of her father and moth- er, and Mr. Don Callen were united in holy patri- mony. T-he Rev. Horny Kel- ly, officiating, using the ring ceremony. The groom was given away by Dave Shelly, who was gowned in white chintilly lace over a silver tissue, built with a full court train of white satin, to match the bride's veil of white lace, arranged in coronet effect. The brfde's attendants, Victor PearsC-n, William Rainey, Robert Buchanan, and 'Fred Moon were g-owned in bas- kets of rose petals. After a wedding break- fast at Dad Thomas's the bride and groom left for an extensive honey:-moon in the suburbs of Barkeyville. They will be at home after August 1, at their apart- ment on the 16th floor of the Atwell Building, Broad street. Take the dumb waiter up or phone 50-0-5-E fRoman Numer-als.J

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Page Two THE RAZZBURG GAZETTE CHIMES April 1 s eg g v v xzbdgxym H l me .,.swe,i.1g',1.'fof ..s','a, '71 ' -was-1 - EDITORIAL The Whichness of the What The whichness of the what! An extremely broad subject. One that requires much consideration and forethought. Archemedes gave his opinion back in 1776. This brilliant work was soon followed by a ser- ies of le-:tur-es, bearing di- rectly or indirectly on this most momentous question, prepared by Columbus, Pla- to and H. M. B. Lehn. Ein- stein propounded a reason- able thesis dealing unintel- ligently and ineffectually with the grave problem which has always caused so much controversy. The whichness of the what. In those few words lie unlimited possibilities, a veritable gold mine of op- portunities for all scientists, theologians, physicians and philosophers. After centur- ies of expounding, pro- pounding, compounding and hardpcunding the ancient object of discussion is still alive and kicking. Here is your chance -Graduates oi '24. Be famous!! All nuts that failed to phone to our reporter their names and deeds will have to sleep on. We wanted to touch up everybody with our latest bottle of mufilage. ,OT The Chimes is a ni St re- putable sheet in e-.ery ies- pect. Subscribe early and avoid the rush. Subscrip- tions should be addressed G. Matthews, Sucker Depart- ment. 101 Ye editor and all associ- ates have gone througn the medical course in Whackem School of Journalists, and are thoroughly equipped to blow up anybody. TOT Our linotype writer, Rev. Cecil Adams is never known to make mistakes except on obituaries of maiden ladies of uncertain age. 101 Reporter Wardle is most painstaking i n n o sin g around after all the delicate tidbits of latest scandal. SENATOR HAROLD JOHNSON STILL FIGHT HIGH WAGES fDissociated Press.J Washing-out - Senator Johnson, the Labor repre- sentative from the Pardoe district declares that an impossible economic condi- tion exists and that the very foundation of the cap- italists power is crumbling. The farmers and workmen are deiiberately swamped in financial affairs. They are receiving more money than they are sole to spend and they go without sleep for many days getting rid of it. There are no more bogus stocks or bonds in which to sink it, everything turns to money in their hands. What :an the poor workmen do? If they quit farming they quit eating and if they keep on farming the money iloozl still pours in. An unfair condition exists as the bank ers and brokers are now paupei s. This is outrageous and deplorablef' says John- son, who sees nc hope for the submerged farmer. Orations and Lectures on any subject written to orde: for One Dollar each. Would- be orators may make pay- ment for same on the in- Address: Professor Freddie Armour, at G. C. H. S. 26 RADIO PROGRAM fSusan Gfreen Announcing.J The Dumb-Bell Broadcast- ing Station will at 6:00 p.m. Monday, broadcast the fol- lowing program on a wave-- length of 1,000,000 Comets. If bugs at distant points fail' to hear some of these selections they should throw their sets awayg they canft be any good. 6:30-We will be favored by a talk, subject, Burnt Gases, by Exhaust Pipe. 7:00-The United Broth- ers of the Gas men's Asso- ciation will render a gas- house explosion. This num- ber will require no loud speaker. If operators at a distance cf 5,000 miles do not hear this selection let us know and we will call the city powder plant and have the explosion repeated. 7:40--Shooting of noise- less fire crackers for the benefit of the Deaf and Dumb institutions at Var- ious points. 9:00-There will be a reading by Millie Ameter. 10:00--Market reports by Bull Durham. Legal actions were brot against Elwood Temple, the wealthy young egg-broker, by the blushing young de- butante, Sara Libbie Jack, in a very debatable Ffattery Case. Elwood is deepfy grieved that such a thing had to be made public ss early in his career. Dame Rumor has it that he has quit spearing hearts and is ,drowning his remorse by recklessly shooting pool. What is puzzling the publi: is: Does his mother know he's out ? Miss Leola Vincent, the noted scientist, who has been trying to put two and two together for a long time no-w, has discovered the reason that a crab walks backward is because it wants to keep the dust out of its eyes.

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Page Four, THE RAZZBURG GAZETTE CHIMES April 1 ADVICE TO THE LOVE- LORN Questions answered and advice given by Grandmoth- er Angefica Patricia. Ad- dress all letters to Box 000, Rickety Rocker, Dear Grandmother Angelica Patricia: I am young man in the Senior class of Grove City Insti'ute for Feeble Minded. I am tall, fair, and, if mir- rors tell no liesr have gon' features with the exception of my long nose, green eyes and crooked mouth. I am in love with a girl,who re- cently turned me down. I look as sweet as I can at, her hundreds of times dur- ing the day. What more can I do? Do you think I am destined to be a bachelor? Respectively, Piper A. A love-sick simpleton. Dear Love-sick Simpleton: I do not think the Fates intended that YOU should sew your vest buttons on the wrong side of your over- coat. Some girl who hasn't quite so much sense as the one you spoke of will be sure to fall for you. Run down the alphabet, three below the last. Your, Grandmother Angelica Patricia. Dear Grandmother A. P.: I am a young man attend- ing dental school. I am very much in love with a girl. I would like to write to her but I do not know how to express my thots. Can you advise me? ' GILLIE. Dear Lovelorn Gillie: I am so glad to be able to help my boys. The fol- lowing model letter was broadcasted from G.C.H.S. and will be just about what you want. Note the spel- ling, punctuation and gram mar, which indicate sup- pressed emotion. It is ne- ol? cessary to have some rival, real or supposed, to attract your young lady iriend's attention. Wishing you great success, Grandmother Angelica Patricia. Mar. 21, 2:30 P. M. My dearest Iddie: Am not going to write much because this is in Lit- erary. Well, Dear, I'd ike to be with you tonight and tc- in7oi1'ow night to. Why canyt C Miss P--- won't be there tomorrow night and she will not know about me being with you then and can't say that I've been with you two nights in succes- sion. Oh, heck, why weren't we born real lucky and allowed to be together every night, Just think, Dear, if we had went away when we pfanned we would be to- gether all the time. Well that kissing business has got me worried - but listen you don't need to letl him kiss you. If you do why you are doing something against my will and I'll feel bad enough and then Iill feel rather' mad. You shouldn't let him and please please d01i't-Ch, Id- die dearest don't let him do it. Nothing could hurt me much more to see you let him do it. I'll get the rash-berry and every thing else if you let him do it. Yes I want to wait on you after school and am going too. Well literary is about over. All my love, Clarence. And Dear I love you- oh ever so awful much. But for,G--'s sake don't let that Brick Mc. kiss you or I'll-oh I don't know what. C. they are trying to pull something over on you 28 l and I and don't let them do it or let him. I don't like Brick any way. MEXICO WARS ON HAWAII fDissociated Pressl Apr. 1, 1944-His Royal Excellency, Emperor Blythe of Mexico, has severed all friendly relations which might have existed with The People's Choicej' President Husband of Ha- waii, at three o'clock this morning. The invitation to .do battle was sent fromthe llmperal Chateau at 'Vera lCruz to the Executive Man- sion in Monotula. Pres. Husband gratefully re- ceived the invitation and immediately cabled a wire of thanks for the practical joke he was trying to play. Blythe declared that Hus- band's marines sailing the high sands in their whippet tanks refused to recognize ghis thirteenth wedding day by the usual courtesy of hauling in the anchors and stepping on the alcohol. Several quarts of water lie between Mexico and Hawaii and as neither country em- ploys a navy nothing serious is predicted. It is prophe- sied that the outcome will be a pen duel between the local editors, but as yet, no ink casualities are reported. President Pearson, of the United States is very much interested because the pop- ular heiress Mlrs. Eleanor Allison Lysle, who is view- ing the spring fashions at the Brick Walk reports that the little Lyllie Jr, has dis- appeared. It is feared that her private bootlegger is holding him for ransom. Pearson says this is a ser- ious case. 1 Music lessons S12 a quart. We sing the melody in three keys, Ikey, .Iakey and Whis- key. The last key is where you get the spirit of the song. Red uHlershberger.