Green Farms Academy - Excalibur Yearbook (Westport, CT)

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MISSED CUES Senior Excuses I couldnit be in class today. My parrot had a heart attack and I had to take him to a specialist. I was up until 1 AM doing the assignment for your class. I was so tired that I couldnit get up for class this morn- ing. I won't be in class because I'm going to the Bahamas. I'll only be gone for a few days. I'm sorry but it couldn't be helped. I missed class because I had to report to my parole officer. I won't be in class because Iim drunk. My little dog is being operated on and I,m going to stay drunk until I know sheis going to be all right. I had my paper ready to hand in today but last night my cat had kittens on it. I was on my way to school to turn in my paper when the wheel came off my car. I had to stop and couldn't get here on time. I don't have my paper ready because I was writing it by the pool and the wind blew it into the water and all the ink washed off and I don't remember what I wrote. I'll need a few more days. I missed the exam because I was on active duty last weekend and I fell out of a helicopter. I wasn't here for the exam because I had to take my garbage to the dump. On the way to class I realized I had lost the heel to my shoe at the dump. I went back to the dump and spent 2 hours looking for my heel. I cannot take the exam this morning because I just got a call from the highway patrol telling me that my horse was grazing on the median strip of the highway. I have to return the horse to the corral right now or I will get a ticket. I will not be here for the exam because I saw the sun come up this morning and it was white and that means Jesus is coming next weekend and if that happens, there's no reason to take the test. I missed the exam because I shot myself. I am a security guard at a warehouse and I pulled my gun because I heard a noise. I accidentally fired it and it ricocheted off the wall and hit me in the shoulder. I won't be able to take the exam because I have to report to jail to start serving my sentence for armed robbery. I was bitten by a squirrel. Unless I find the squirrel that bit me, I will have to take rabies shots. I have gone to the park to find the squirrel. I am an Existentialist who believes that we live with no excuses. That is my excuse. My grandmother really did die this time. - Helen Twigg and Roberta Vandermast 74

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THE SCENE IS SET NEWS '85-'86