Grandview Heights High School - Highlander Yearbook (Columbus, OH)

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THE I-IIGI-ll.ANDE.R. PROPHECY OF THE CLASS OF 1931 Foreword : Let it he understood at once, by the reader, that the following events did not occur in the short space of time assigned to them in the narrative, and that these events were not the only ones of our tour. We have here set forth only a few things which we thought of interest to former Grandview students. The late fall of lf?-i5 found us on our way to interview the most prominent of all our classmates. YVe arrived at Washington and after a short visit were ushered into the presence of the President of the United States. Xlr. Hague received us in his usual friendly manner, and gave us some news as to some of our other classmates. lfdwin Holloway is now the leader of the Bolshevik movement in Abyssfniag it is rumored that within six months he will become dictator there. Ralph Thompson is well known in diplomatic circles, as the ambassador to Turkey. His autobiography has almost superceded l ranklin's in the literary world, as being more applicable to modern life. The President could also tell us a little concerning Betty VVentworth. She is one of VVashington's four-hundred, and is at present entertaining a few select friends on her private yacht. The next day we traveled by airship to Chicago. There was a man aboard who seemed strangely familiar. He recognized us, and spoke to us. lt was Herb Recob. He is, we learned, the inventor of a Patent Medicine, known as Tropical Hair Oil and Spot Remover . It is said that he has made millions in this business. Herb told us that Richard Sinclair Howell is the minister of the Anti-Cant Church, New York Cityg and that he, himself, is the propounder of this theory. On learning that we were planning to stay in Chicago a few days, he advised us to visit a certain night-club, and there meet another old friend. Our first evening in the city we did this, and whom should we find but George Grant as hostess. lt is said that she is known to the Underworld as The Poiple Skoit . The next day we passed a large building, which bore a neon sign proclaiming the following- Kloke Chemical Lab- oratoryu. On inquiry, we found that our former class-president had invented a substitute for nitro-glycerin, guaranteed to make dynamite l,'359 more effective. That evening we learned that the great Chicago Civic Opera star, Miss Klartin, was to appear in Lohengrin, and we decided to go to the performance. Bonnie Jean's fame was no surprise to us, for she is known all over the world. lt was a surprise however, to discover that the leading man had a very familiar appearance. Hastily we turned to our programs-Howard Rieggerio-How stupid of us not to have guessed that this could be no one else but Porkyl Afterwards, we went back stage and talked to them both for a bit. They could tell us about several of our Grandview friends. lllyron Hoover is a world-famous magician, the successor to Thurston. Barbara Laylin has taken to the screen, playing extremely modern and dramatic roles. Her latest production was The Fatal Flop . Incidentally this was taken from the stage success, The Last Lopeu, written by Ethel Thackera. We asked about Phil Rhodes, and learned that he is the Protaginist of a back-to-nature theory, living as a hermit in the Canadian Rockies. It was now becoming unbearably cold in Chicago, and so we hurried hy air ship to southern California. One day we happened to be down at the pier at Los Angeles, when we were addressed by a tall dignified person. It was Frances Coultrapl She is private secretary for lliiss Truckmiller. They were just about to sail for the orient where Trucky is intending to study the Chinese theater. They seemed inseparable. Frances said that she had just had a letter from Bob Ulrich. He is fire chief at Peoria. She also told us that Glad Sargent and Roberta Falkenstein were basketball coach and history in- structor respectively, at dear old Siwash. Roberta has followed up her fondness for congressional records, and now expounds them at great length, to her students. After bidding Trucky and Frances Bon Voyage, we decided to call on Klr. Carlos, the Los Lili Page Tfzefrlly-Fo ur

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'rl-as I-IIGHLANDER. Angeles automobile magnate. He made his pile by his financial genius for reclaiming out-of-date automobiles. Bert introduced one of his secretaries to us. lt was Fern Russell. She is the world's fastest typist, having set the record of 1000 words per minute. She is obliged to use a special asbestos typewriter ribbon. Mr. Carlos' con- cern operates on a three hour day, due to lyliss Russell's efficiency. Later, we took a ramble through the country, and whom should we meet, but Dot Rambo, and Juanita Hughes. They told us that they were working for the Hobnaile Boote Shoppe , they take long hikes to try out each order of shoes, before the management will sell any to their patrons. Dot told us that Ruth YVonnell is the proprietress of the Salon, and that Billy Roberts is a mannequin displaying the latest styles in hobnailed bootery, before a discriminating clientele. Miss Langford keeps a shoppe near-by where high-heeled slippers are shown. Leaving Los Angeles, we traveled by boat to the Caribbean, via the Nicaraguan Canal. On our ship there was a scientific expedition, and among the party were several of our former classmates. Morgan Jones, modest as usual, would not talk about him- self, but we learned from others, that he has advanced a philosophical theory, destined to reclaim the world. lt is said that this theory calls for men scrapping all hats save derbies. Ernest Penrose talked freely of his book, the best non-fiction volume of 19-H, VVhat's Wrong with the Modern Ice-Box ? Paul Lane, the head of a second-hand Barrel Trust, is financing the expedition. The fourth day out, we noticed the strangest airplane we had ever seen. We learned that it belonged to Dot Crepps and Annabel livans. They had spent much time putting Hying apparatus on the car of G. H. S. fame, and are now making a non-stop flight around the world. VVe heard by chance of another of our classmates, Dolores Knapp, who is doing heroic work as a nurse in the fever infested canal area. WVe stopped for a few hours at Miami, and in that time visited the Misses Pinney's and O'Dell's nationally known dancing school. They told us of Paul Kerns, who wrote a simplified study of Chemistry, and is therefore known as the schoolboys' idol. YVe stopped at Child's Miami Branch, and were quite surprised to find that the Chief Cook and Bottle Washer there, was Hugh McCulloch. VVe noticed that the waiters' uniforms had something very fetchinch in the way of buttonholes. These buttonholes were created by Mary Louise Clements, noted Parisian Designer. Our next stop was Bermuda. We found that one of the Bermudans' national figures was Leavitte Pease, who invented Swiss Cheese, minus the hole, so delicious with the national onion. From here we took an airship bound for bally old England. Our first day in London, we ran over to the House of Lords, to hear a speech delivered by Dame Doris Campbell. Dame Campbell is an authority on political economy, an artist, and the most talked of woman in the world today. She introduced us to one of her friends, Irma Hazlett, known in diplomatic circles as a sturdy worker for woman's suffrage in Liberia. She happened to be in England to work up sympathy for her cause. Later while strolling along Downing Street, we chanced upon a sign announcing lessons in fencing given by the Hon. Seth Hammond Esq., Head Master of The Royal Thrust Academy . On the third floor of this same building, Doris Graves con- ducts a school for the proper training of cherry-cheeked servant girls. She is affection- ately called Susie by the girls. At the Royal Hotel, we met Rachel hlcCarty. Yes, indeed! Rachel now conducts lfuropean tours. She is especially noted for her book, The Follies Bergeren. We spent the evening with her party. Being Americans, they listened to Amos 'n Andy. We heard a new voice, Madame Queen. Who takes this par ? we cried. Why lllargaret Penney, who elsel Her adimiration for Andrew H. Brown led her to beseech this inimitable pair for a part in their programs. Due to her ingenuity at thinking up new scrapes for Andrew H. she was admitted to their team. Thus ends the account of the famous class of 1931, whose members have so distinguished themselves in the eyes of the world. 1 9 5 1 Page T-u'1'r1ty-Fifw