Grace General Hospital - Our Days of Grace Yearbook (Winnipeg, Manitoba Canada)

Page 94 text:

CAN YOU IMAGINE Hampton — in a deep, loud voice lustily singing Old Man River” in the bathtub? Friesen — changing clothes with K. Harder for the day? Ruggles — without her frying pan, silverware, and coffee pot at Selkirk? Barron — sticking a thermometer in a visitor’s mouth? Plett — without a ready and waiting German expression? Sprung — feeling calm, cool, and collected before going to the O.R.? Loeppky — feeling A-l after her dates with Josh?” Suderman — as a dedicated Ward G. Psychiatric Nurse? Born — with a drawer full of combs? Fast — slowing down to a trot? McDougall — without a roomfull of Big Dudley?” Pattinson — spreading C.H.itis to her date? Borthistle — with blond hair? Klassen — acting the part of Cleopatra?” Braun — wearing thongs on evening duty? Class — without Rempel’s questions? Sawatzky — missing a good bargain uptown? Bettig — without a good joke up her sleeve? Penner — without her handwork? Halverson — decided, dressed, and waiting one hour (or even five minutes) before going out? MYSTERY OF MYSTERIES!! Where can a man buy a cap for his knees Or a key to the lock of his hair. Can his eyes be called an academy Because there are pupils there? In the crown of his head, What gems are found? Who travels the bridge of his nose? Can he use, when shingling the roof of his house, The nails on the end of his toes? Can the crook of his elbow be sent to jail— If so, what did it do? How does he sharpen his shoulder blades? I’m sure I don’t know, do you? Can he sit in the shade of the palm of his hand? Or beat on the drum of his ear? Does the calf of his leg eat the corn on his toe? If so, why not grow corn on the ear? Page 92

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ON BATHING IN HOSPITAL Yesterday I might have been kidding about that business of sleeping in a hospital, but today I’m past that stage. Probably some of your correspondents can explain why it is that just when a guy is really getting a good sleep, about seven o’clock in the morning, some nurse just brim¬ ming with vim, vigor, and vitality, comes breezing into the room, and then proceeds to wake you up and give you a bath. It’s funny how you find the influence of show-business everywhere ... in the most unexpected places. Take this hospital bath for instance. The whole technique is obviously inspired by the strip tease act at the Casino. All you need is the band playing Black Magic” and the illusion is complete. Just in case any of you have never had the experience of a lovely, young lady give you a bath, I’ll enlarge on the proceedings. It starts off with a perfectly normal face wash, which is rather refreshing, and cleans your complexion so you won’t have any trouble blushing at what happens. Then the nurse suggests you take off your jacket and systematically scrubs each arm. The torso comes next. This is where the hostilities develop. You are determined to keep within certain bounds by holding the sheets tightly around the plimsall line with the kind of mock virtue you acquire under the circumstances while the nurse is equally determined that her sanitary ablutions will be all-inclusive. So she swings the wash rag a bit lower and you grab the sheet a bit more tightly. Then, at a crucial moment in these maneuvers, the sheet comes away at the foot of the bed, and you might as well give yourself up for lost. In less time than it takes to say Cuspensky” the nurse dives an arm under the sheet and comes up with one of your legs. This gets a thorough rinsing and now you find you have to go into reverse and devote all your energy to keep the sheet down as well as up. Meanwhile, our angel of mercy continues her nonchalant performance as more and more of you gets smaller and smaller. The timing of this performance is remarkable, be¬ cause always when you get to the point where you are ready to say, O.K., to heck with it,” she suddenly covers you from head to toe and says, Finish it yourself.” Written by a Patient Page 91

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REMEMBER WHEN Bergen — allowed one of her patients at C.H. to bite another patient? Skinner — bumped into someone behind the curtain on Second Centre? Dueck — answered that urgent sounding” Case Room buzzer to find Dr. Malkin fran¬ tically trying to disconnect the buzzer? Ohlinger — fully dressed got bathed and was sent down the elevator in the laundry bag? Anderson — tried to find a suitable parking place for her car? Five Seniors — went to the 4-D and landed up at Champs? Doerksen — her first day on penicillin, had penicillin all over herself and her patient’s bed? K. Harder — as a probie mistook a patient’s slippers for urinal covers? Fehr — was forced to run down the hall with only a handtowel after her bath? Sykes — did all those impersonations? Mrs. Ellis — did the hully-gully” with the class of 1964? Beley Bourquin — as probies flashed those diamonds? Somers — had a ball” with that certain fellow in the Canadian Army? Nichol Hutchison — got caught standing in the bathtub, hiding from Miss A” after making all that noise? Loewen — was guest of honor at an ice cold shower after her engagement? E. Harder — sat with Bergen in the back seat on a double date? Arendt — cheerfully tried to give a ii W patient extra Special mouth care? Suitters — played hide and seek with a Ward G. patient in the tunnel at the Selkirk Mental Hospital? Hainsworth Lundstrom — spent that weekend in Minneapolis? Pagan — called Dr. O’Toole, and said: Hello, Dr. O’Toole, This is Second Orange call¬ ing about Mrs. North!” Fetterly — was fortunate enough to have two fellows call for her at the same time and place at Selkirk? Almas and Risby — found rides” to Falcon Lake and back? Reimer — had a doctor examine the wrong patient at C.H.? L. Paetkau — calmly announced that she was just making a winter coat?” Shareski — slipped on some ice on her way to the roller rink and was soon rescued by three fellows? The world is full of willing people — some willing to work and some willing to let them. Confusion say . . . He who laughs last did not understand joke in first place.” Confusion say . .. Old maid — she count on fingers. Young girl — she count on legs.” Early to bed and early to rise and your roommate goes out with one of your guys! Today it’s as dangerous to run into a microbe as into a trolley car, O.R.—The appendix is taken to the lab. with the patient’s name and her doctor attached to the container. High heels were invented by a woman who was kissed on the forehead. Page 93