Grace General Hospital - Our Days of Grace Yearbook (Winnipeg, Manitoba Canada)

Page 93 text:

ON BATHING IN HOSPITAL Yesterday I might have been kidding about that business of sleeping in a hospital, but today I’m past that stage. Probably some of your correspondents can explain why it is that just when a guy is really getting a good sleep, about seven o’clock in the morning, some nurse just brim¬ ming with vim, vigor, and vitality, comes breezing into the room, and then proceeds to wake you up and give you a bath. It’s funny how you find the influence of show-business everywhere ... in the most unexpected places. Take this hospital bath for instance. The whole technique is obviously inspired by the strip tease act at the Casino. All you need is the band playing Black Magic” and the illusion is complete. Just in case any of you have never had the experience of a lovely, young lady give you a bath, I’ll enlarge on the proceedings. It starts off with a perfectly normal face wash, which is rather refreshing, and cleans your complexion so you won’t have any trouble blushing at what happens. Then the nurse suggests you take off your jacket and systematically scrubs each arm. The torso comes next. This is where the hostilities develop. You are determined to keep within certain bounds by holding the sheets tightly around the plimsall line with the kind of mock virtue you acquire under the circumstances while the nurse is equally determined that her sanitary ablutions will be all-inclusive. So she swings the wash rag a bit lower and you grab the sheet a bit more tightly. Then, at a crucial moment in these maneuvers, the sheet comes away at the foot of the bed, and you might as well give yourself up for lost. In less time than it takes to say Cuspensky” the nurse dives an arm under the sheet and comes up with one of your legs. This gets a thorough rinsing and now you find you have to go into reverse and devote all your energy to keep the sheet down as well as up. Meanwhile, our angel of mercy continues her nonchalant performance as more and more of you gets smaller and smaller. The timing of this performance is remarkable, be¬ cause always when you get to the point where you are ready to say, O.K., to heck with it,” she suddenly covers you from head to toe and says, Finish it yourself.” Written by a Patient Page 91

Page 92 text:

10. But I thought he WAS on B.R. Privileges. 11. I’ll bet you’re not going out tonight! 12. But I don’t wanna work nights in the C.R. 13- ■ . ■ And if you’ll help me pass these RNs. 14. Where IS that bus fare? 15. I hereby solemnly swear to never again make a error. 16. No one on ’till six? 17. Did that lab report fall under here? 18. I have the answer, Miss Seeman. 1. Me in charge? You’re kidding! 2. And what time did you get in? 3. Sorry, I’m a student — can’t take orders. 4. Oh, oh, here comes that supervisor again! 5. You didn’t get the weekend either. 6. Hellooo, Dr. Kaizer. 7. Look, Mom, No tonsils! 8. What do you mean his I O isn t charted! 0 How utterly ridiculous! We never make MISTAKES!

Page 94 text:

CAN YOU IMAGINE Hampton — in a deep, loud voice lustily singing Old Man River” in the bathtub? Friesen — changing clothes with K. Harder for the day? Ruggles — without her frying pan, silverware, and coffee pot at Selkirk? Barron — sticking a thermometer in a visitor’s mouth? Plett — without a ready and waiting German expression? Sprung — feeling calm, cool, and collected before going to the O.R.? Loeppky — feeling A-l after her dates with Josh?” Suderman — as a dedicated Ward G. Psychiatric Nurse? Born — with a drawer full of combs? Fast — slowing down to a trot? McDougall — without a roomfull of Big Dudley?” Pattinson — spreading C.H.itis to her date? Borthistle — with blond hair? Klassen — acting the part of Cleopatra?” Braun — wearing thongs on evening duty? Class — without Rempel’s questions? Sawatzky — missing a good bargain uptown? Bettig — without a good joke up her sleeve? Penner — without her handwork? Halverson — decided, dressed, and waiting one hour (or even five minutes) before going out? MYSTERY OF MYSTERIES!! Where can a man buy a cap for his knees Or a key to the lock of his hair. Can his eyes be called an academy Because there are pupils there? In the crown of his head, What gems are found? Who travels the bridge of his nose? Can he use, when shingling the roof of his house, The nails on the end of his toes? Can the crook of his elbow be sent to jail— If so, what did it do? How does he sharpen his shoulder blades? I’m sure I don’t know, do you? Can he sit in the shade of the palm of his hand? Or beat on the drum of his ear? Does the calf of his leg eat the corn on his toe? If so, why not grow corn on the ear? Page 92