Grace General Hospital - Our Days of Grace Yearbook (Winnipeg, Manitoba Canada)

Page 92 text:

10. But I thought he WAS on B.R. Privileges. 11. I’ll bet you’re not going out tonight! 12. But I don’t wanna work nights in the C.R. 13- ■ . ■ And if you’ll help me pass these RNs. 14. Where IS that bus fare? 15. I hereby solemnly swear to never again make a error. 16. No one on ’till six? 17. Did that lab report fall under here? 18. I have the answer, Miss Seeman. 1. Me in charge? You’re kidding! 2. And what time did you get in? 3. Sorry, I’m a student — can’t take orders. 4. Oh, oh, here comes that supervisor again! 5. You didn’t get the weekend either. 6. Hellooo, Dr. Kaizer. 7. Look, Mom, No tonsils! 8. What do you mean his I O isn t charted! 0 How utterly ridiculous! We never make MISTAKES!

Page 91 text:

To the fl-1 Student I was tne smartest student They ever had at Grace For the proficiency Award I should’ve won the race I was so fast and skilful It almost was a sin I simply cannot understand Why I didn’t win. When I was a probie Miss Seeman’s pet was I I scrubbed and oiled my patients Till I thought I’d die My backrubs were in great demand The patients thought them keen Until I rubbed one by mistake With oil of wintergreen. So for six months I worked and slaved With such efficiency But since I’m not quite perfect I made a mistake-or-two-or-three It really wasn’t my fault That those false teeth got mixed up The head nurse said “Clean ail false teeth” So I gathered them all up I put them in a basin And scrubbed them till they gleamed Then I showed them to the head nurse I wonder why she screamed? My patients just adored me They thought I was divine For I’d give them drinks of water And overlook the fasting sign I was so conscientious Of my patients and their ills That in the night I’d wake them Just to give them sleeping pills. In the Formula Room I was simply superb I mixed formula like a jet I scurried here and scurried there I was Mrs. Spire’s pet Until one day by accident I did something drastic I autoclaved four bottles that I didn’t know were plastic. I next attacked the O.R. Which will never be the same But for the things that went amiss Myself I cannot blame I fainted at the sight of blood But it wasn’t my decision, To fall across the patient’s laparotomy incision I didn’t mean to lose that sponge But I lost count you see The fuss over one little sponge Oh alright—so it was three. During operations, the doctor I’d never wheedle But as soon as he sewed up the skin Then I’d ask for my missing needle When the doctors saw that I was scrubbed To help them with their work They either fainted dead away Or else they went berserk I helped one doc so well up there That he offered to operate free He said I was in drastic need of a cranilithotomy. But the Case Room’s where I really shone Mid cord clamps beads and suctions But somehow during all the rush I’d forget Miss Rusk’s instructions “Was that—tie, then clamp then cut the cord?” Or clamp then cut then tie? Now what comes first—the baby’s beads? Or the drops for his eye? Episiotomy? What’s that? “Oh yes—oh yes the suture.” The doctors glared while I unwound And unbright looked my future “You can have it in a second, just be patient for a bit.” “I just have to untangle these eight knots out of it.” I did so well at Children’s But my work I’d just begun When they put me (as a patient) on a ward they call West 1 I did just fine in Public Health Till on a nursing call we went I got lost and my two weeks in Kildonan Park were spent. So back to wards I trotted As efficient as could be I knew that I could do no wrong The blame’s not mine you see That the P.P. care on Mat floor with mouthwash was once done Or the waking of patients at 5 a.m. was begun. So you see dear friends I’m quite a gal The head nurse’s buddy, the doctor’s pal Now don’t you think I deserve congratulating Not for winning an award—just for graduating? P. Egan. Ready, Aim — - Fire! Page 89

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ON BATHING IN HOSPITAL Yesterday I might have been kidding about that business of sleeping in a hospital, but today I’m past that stage. Probably some of your correspondents can explain why it is that just when a guy is really getting a good sleep, about seven o’clock in the morning, some nurse just brim¬ ming with vim, vigor, and vitality, comes breezing into the room, and then proceeds to wake you up and give you a bath. It’s funny how you find the influence of show-business everywhere ... in the most unexpected places. Take this hospital bath for instance. The whole technique is obviously inspired by the strip tease act at the Casino. All you need is the band playing Black Magic” and the illusion is complete. Just in case any of you have never had the experience of a lovely, young lady give you a bath, I’ll enlarge on the proceedings. It starts off with a perfectly normal face wash, which is rather refreshing, and cleans your complexion so you won’t have any trouble blushing at what happens. Then the nurse suggests you take off your jacket and systematically scrubs each arm. The torso comes next. This is where the hostilities develop. You are determined to keep within certain bounds by holding the sheets tightly around the plimsall line with the kind of mock virtue you acquire under the circumstances while the nurse is equally determined that her sanitary ablutions will be all-inclusive. So she swings the wash rag a bit lower and you grab the sheet a bit more tightly. Then, at a crucial moment in these maneuvers, the sheet comes away at the foot of the bed, and you might as well give yourself up for lost. In less time than it takes to say Cuspensky” the nurse dives an arm under the sheet and comes up with one of your legs. This gets a thorough rinsing and now you find you have to go into reverse and devote all your energy to keep the sheet down as well as up. Meanwhile, our angel of mercy continues her nonchalant performance as more and more of you gets smaller and smaller. The timing of this performance is remarkable, be¬ cause always when you get to the point where you are ready to say, O.K., to heck with it,” she suddenly covers you from head to toe and says, Finish it yourself.” Written by a Patient Page 91