Grace General Hospital - Our Days of Grace Yearbook (Winnipeg, Manitoba Canada)

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INDISPENSABLE Sometime when you are feeling important, Sometime when your ego is in bloom, Sometime when you take it for granted, You’re the best qualified in the room. Sometime when you feel that your going, Would leave an unfillable hole, Just follow these simple instructions And see how it humbles your soul. Take a bucket and fill it with water Put your hand in it up to your wrist, Pull it out and the hole that’s remaining Is the measure of how you’ll be missed. You may splash all you wish when you enter You can stir up the water galore, But stop and you’ll find in a minute That it looks quite the same as before. The moral of this quaint example Is — do the best you can, Be proud of yourself, but remember There is no indispensable man. Anonymous. YOU TELL ON YOURSELF You tell on yourself by the friends you seek By the very manner in which you speak. By the way you employ your leisure time, By the use you make of dollar and dime. You tell what you are by the things you wear, By the spirit in which your burdens you bear, By the kind of things at which you laugh, By the records you play on the phonograph. You tell what you are by the way you walk, By the things of which you delight to talk, By the manner in which you bear defeat, By so simple a thing as how you eat. By the books you choose from the well filled shelf In these ways and more you tell on yourself. So there is really no particle of sense, In an effort to keep up false pretense. ON SECOND THOUGHT Whatever I said in anger, Whatever I shouted in spite, I’m sorry I spoke so quickly, I thought of some worse ones tonight. A Nonny Mouse. ANTISEPTIC BABIES The antiseptic baby And the prophylactic pup; Were playing in the garden When the bunny gambolled up. They gazed upon the creature With a loathing undisguised; It wasn’t disinfected And it wasn’t sterilized. They said he was a microbe And a hotbed of disease; So they boiled him in a vapour Of a thousand odd degrees. They froze him in a freezer That was cold as banished hope; And they washed him in Permanganate With carbolated soap. In Sulphurated Hydrogen They steeped his wiggly ears; They trimmed his frisky whiskers With a pair of hard-boiled shears. Then they donned their rubber mittens And they took him by the hand, And elected him a member Of the fumigated band . . . There is not a micrococcus In the garden where they play; They bathe in pure Iodoform A dozen times a day. And each imbibes, his ration From a hygienic cup — The bunny and the baby And the prophylactic pup. ON GETTING UP I am worried till I’m weary O’er this problem grave and deep, Shall I sleep and lose my breakfast Or shall I rise and lose my sleep?! KLASSROOM KWIRK Teacher: “Where’s the amniotic fluid?” Gabby: “In the eye!” Sometimes it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt. There are three sides to every question: yours, mine, and the truth. People, like pins, are useless when they lose their heads. When you argue with a fool be sure he is not similarly occupied. Medico: “Ask the accident victim what his name is, so we can notify his family.” Pro. (few minutes later): “He says his family know his name.” 78

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J edicated to Patient’s X ament The Doctor took my shirt away; He did it for the best; He said, ‘It’s very cold today’ And took away my vest; Then, having nothing more to say He hit me in the chest. Oh, he did clout my ribs about Till I was bruised and red Then stood and listened to my spine To see if I was dead, And when I shouted “Ninety-nine!’ He simply shook his head. He rather thought that rain would fall, He made me hop about the hall, And savagely he said, There’s nothing wrong with you at all - You’d better go to bed! “Oh you must eat no scrap of meat, No rabbit, bird or fish; Apart from that have what you please, But not potato, bread, or cheese; Not butter, alcohol, or peas: Not sausage, egg, and ratafias A very starchy dish; Have any other foods but these— HAVE ANYTHING YOU WISH! But at and after every meal And twice an hour between Take this—and this—and this—AND THIS In water and quinine, And wash it down with licorice And nitro-glycerine. You must not smoke, or read a book, You must not eat or drink; You must not bicycle or run You must not talk to anyone; It’s better not to think. A daily bath I don’t advise; It’s dangerous to snore; But let your life be otherwise As active as before. And don’t imagine you are ill, I beg you not to mope; There’s nothing wrong with you — but still While there is life, there’s hope.” I woke and screamed a hideous scream As greedy children do that eat too much vanilla cream For I was having ‘Flu’ And it was just an awful dream — But, ail the same, it’s true. our f atients ‘ Patient I don’t know how rich he is in dollars, I never heard him say. But he has a smile upon his face And wears it every day. You’ll soon forget what’s ailing you If you get his point of view. And, although the clouds seem very dark, You’ll see the sun come shining through. You’ll like him when you meet him And you’ll find it worth your while To follow in the footsteps Of your friend behind the smile. Ode to the JNi urses Come to the hospital, known as Grace, Straight down Arlington, you’ll find the place. We have the finest nurses, With big fat purses. Who give you lots of needles and soap, To send you home well, is what they hope. For their kind attention, They receive no specific pension, Some cranky patients do them curse, While others, if they could, would them reimburse. They take your pulse and temperature And all the cranks’ remarks endure, They come along with a red hot poultice Slam it on, and take no notice, “Oh!”, says the doctor, “that’s too hot.” “Oh”, says the nurse, “I’m sure it’s not.” Then they come with a needle so blunt To get it in, they have to grunt. But when they pull it out, what a lump! The patient’s posterior is blue and red If it were not for this, they’d think him dead, Now these fine girls in blue and white They worked both day and night To ease the body from suffering and pain, And some work for God, your soul to gain, So let’s give these girls a smile, a kind word or two, For they are the ones who bring you through. —A Patient on 2nd Centre. 77

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ALLERGIST DERMATOLOGIST HOSPITAL ADMINISTRATOR DIPLOMAT, CANADIAN BOARD DISTINGUISHED VISITING FOREIGN CLINICIANS UROLOGIST RESEARCH CHIEF OF STAFF RADIOLOGIST ORTHOPEDIST OTOLARYNGOLOGIST PSYCHIATRIST OPHTHALMOLOGIST h L y, '