Glens Falls High School - Red and Black Yearbook (Glens Falls, NY)

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THEQRED and BLACK 26 to the Love I..orn.' by Beatrice Nearfacts fonce known as Ruth Doughtyj. Margaret is seeking the answer to her query, 'Shall I marry the village pastor or the janitor?' The wild acclaim of thousands meets my ears with the enthusiastic shouts of 'Norris, Norris, Norris!' In the prize fighting ring I see Wilber Norris trium- phant, while at his feet lie eight fatally injured men laid low by his mighty hand. Mr. Norris is graciously allowing himself to be photographed for the newspapers, having won a purse of 350,000 There gradually comes before me the picture of Kenneth Ellsworth as deacon of the church at Smith's Basin. Dear Deacon Ellsworth seems to be quite the idol of his small congregation-bless his soul! What an uproar! The whir of machinery and the sound of voices meet my ears. In his private office, I see Clendon Bush, editor-in-chief of 'The Daily Blastf Mr. Bush, as usual a great patron of education, has just finished signing a 55,000 check as first prize for a Latin translating contest, conducted by 'The Blastf It may be appropriate to remark here that the winner of the Latin contest is Miss Edna Everts. This time I see a stage, filled with gaily dressed people, and I perceive a musical comedy is being given. The figure which impresses me most is one whom Inow see to be Mr. I-Iarold Lambertson. But how strangely Harold is acting! Has he the St. Vitus's dance, or the shaking palsy? Not so. I now perceive by a program that Mr. Lambertson is hailed as a great exponent of modern jazz dancing. In this scene before me, in the front row of the audience, I see one other familiar figure, namely Simon Yaffee, eminent writer of students' encyclopedias. Mr. Yaffee is making a scientific study of Mr. Lambertson's contortions as material for his new book, 'The Close Relationship between Monkey and Man.' As I gaze far into the future I see that Wallace Reid, our once handsome matinee idol, can no longer hold our interest. But his place is not vacant, for it is now ably held by Harold Austin, who once sprang into national fame as 'Bassaniof As I gaze, I see Mr. Austin reading one of the 2,421 'mash' notes he has received on this particular day from love-sick girls all over the country. S' Alas! To what depths former greatness can sink. I now see our once famous athlete, M. Chapman, but ah! how changed. Poor Monty, broken in spirit, harrassed and henpecked, seems to be on a Sunday outing at Round Pond with his four-year-old son. From this sad scene of wrecked glory I hear his patient voice sayingf'No, no,-Oswald mustn't take home pretty pond in his pocket. Naughty! Naughty! Papa spank!' But let us haste with all convenient speed from this scene of placid domesticity! From one who has sunk to the lowest station of human existence. let us tum our attention to one who has attained the highest point of success. I now behold

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25 THE RED and BLACK Instead of a bartender I now perceive that Mr. Cowdery is the chauffeur of a soda water fountain. ' Next, I see a dark cave, hidden in the wilds of Prospect Mountain. In keeping with the scene, I see an extremely wild figure with long hair and beard, clad in a tattered gown. How sad! My eyes grow dim as I gaze. Poor Ralph Wells, disappointed in love, has become a hermit, and has foresworn all society. The next person appearing before me is Miss Gertrude Morrison, who has had great success as saleswoman for horsehair corn poppers. Miss Morrison carries her wares in a handsome concrete suitcase. . Next there floats before me a vision of the Sheriff with a warrant for the arrest of-Miss Kathryn Eddy. It seems that Miss Eddy, as editor of 'Snappy Stories,' has exceedingly annoyed the board of censors, who have therefore issued the aforesaid warrant. How touching is this next scene! I see two small children being shamefully maltreated by their French governess, Miss Genevieve Bazinet. I gather that Miss Bazinet, her nerves worn to a frazzle with the futility of trying to instil any appreciation of Racine's 'Esther' into the minds of her charges, is taking it out on them. Poor dears! How I pity them! A What a strange foreign scene now presents i self! Nearby I see a sign post on which I read the words, 'Czecho-Slovakiaf In the midst of this interesting landscape appears an inn. On entering the door I see as a barmaid her who was Miss Mildred Fosbrook and her Czecho-Slovakian husband, selling vodka. At a table fnearbyj are seated two familiar figures, whom on closer inspection I discover to be Mr. John McKernon, now member of the President's Cabinet, and Mr. Loyal Gibbs, president of the oil trust. The two friends, I understand, are spending an extensive vacation in the aforesaid country on account of the continued dryness of the U. S. Too bad, John, that there's nothing in the way of liquid refreshment in the President's cabinet. Out of the scene gradually unfolding before me I hear a voice. 'Yes, Mr. Vanderbilt, table this way, sir. Special today, stuffed bees' knees on toast, sir, Yes, sirg very good, sir., Ih the haze before me, I now see a figure. Mr. Ralph Smith is now none other than head waiter at the Waldorf. The G. F. H. S. may well be proud to claim this majestic figure as a product of her halls of learning. And now before me I see a magnificent apartment, which is but a background for a still more magnificent woman, who is fbe prepared for a shockj Miss Ruth Bennett, successor to Theda Bara. As I gaze, I hear her say in a languid voice. 'Marie, you may tell Mr. DeMille I will positively consider nothing under Sl0,000 a week., Miss Margaret Crosby now comes before me as a country school teacher. Miss Crosby is at present employed in the important pastime of reading 'Advice

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27 THE RED and BLACK Miss Ruth Rockwell, famous lady balloonist. Miss Rockwell carries with her as ballast Mr. Walter Rosenberg and Mr. Ralph Bullock. No, Ralph, you are not going to be tied on the end of the rope. lSee Iroquois for March.l Who is this familiar person now appearing before me? It is Miss Dorotha Wescott, census taker for Ft. Edward. Miss Wescott, having interviewed the entire population of her district fall three of themj, is spending a quiet afternoon at the city hall with Miss Agnes Wiley, Mayoress of Glens Falls. The two public officials are discussing the new tax bill, the latest crochet pattern, and the diHiculty of supporting one's husband in the style to which he has been accustomed. And now the biggest and most exciting scene of all floats before me. l find myself present at a small circus, managed by several of our old friends and being held near a little country hamlet. As l enter the small gate, pushing through the vast crowd feleven in all, to be exactb, l see a sign reading: 'Awkumon Circus Biggest show for its size on earth.' l step up to the ticket booth, and, for a dime, am handed a small piece of pasteboard by Miss Bethenia McCreery. A few steps farther, and the ticket is rudely snatched from my grasp by Miss McCreery, who rushes back to her window to sell it again. As l stroll about the circus grounds l see Alec Silverman as Wild Man- plus a shredded wheat skirt and with much the same ferocious expression he once exhibited as the 'Prince of Morocco., A little farther on l see Miss Dorothy Dickinson, snake charmer, with several sleepy and careworn reptiles twined gracefully around her neck. From the con- tented expression on Dot's face, I gather she is thinking of pay day. ln the next tent a trained flea show is going on, managed by Miss Sara Broomell. As Miss Broomell cracks the whip, the little fleas arrange themselves in a row-then the first hops up and wheels a second in a little wheelbarrow. A third jumps through a hoop, and a fourth does the shimmy. This show is now over and Miss Broomell carefully puts the little animals to bed on a nearby dog. As I emerge from the tent and look about me I see several hicks and hayrubes getting severely sunburned by watching Miss Rose Alter performing her celebrated tight rope act fifty feet in the air. She slips! She screams! A shudder runs through the crowd. No! she is safe. l breathe again. But how undignified, for our valedictorian, Miss Alter, is now suspended screaming in mid air by the in- visible wire which held her in the first place. Near by l see an exciting race going on, with Miss Adeline Irwin, noted jockeyess, urging on her plodding farmhorse.