Glebe Collegiate Institute - Lux Glebana Yearbook (Ottawa, Ontario Canada)

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The Eternal Quadrangle lEdiior's Note: Any illusion to persons living or dead are occidental.1 Scene: The Munich room in the house of Europe, Mr. Hitler, Mr. Mussolini, Mr. Chamberlain, and Mr. Daladier are gathered together to play a game of bridge. The four are seated around a bridge table, the legs of which are carved with the heads of daschunds, each one with a pretzel in it's mouth. Mr. Chamberlain and Mr. Dal- adier are playing as partners, while Mr. Hitler and Mr. Mussolini are playing as partners. The room in which they are seated has a French window opening on to a lawn where Mr. Mussolini's grandson is playing. The walls of the room have been recently papered with swastikas. The maid, Mme. Benes, Who is in charge of the Munich room, wanders through the room rather aim- lessly. As the curtain rises, Hitler is seen taking a cigarette and lighter from Cham- berlain, and the conversation around the table is more or less general. Hitler: Well, here we are, all set for an- other meeting. Chamberlain: Yes. Remember the last game we had, Adolphus? Daladier and I are rather in the lead, if I remember cor- rectly. Daladier: politely, Oh oui! Chamberlain: Yes, Yes. We are ahead by a Versailles treaty, and a smashed Ger- many, are we not? Hitler: So you were. Well! we will see how the luck runs this time. I have a feeling we might win, eh Muss.? Mussolini: Whatever you say, Adolphus. Hitler: con-versatlonally, By the way Neville, how do you like these walls? A Chamberlain: Oh the walls are lovely. But I don't like the design on them. Hitler: dryly. I didn't think you would. You see, I created the design myself. In fact I even went so far as to paper the walls, personally. Suddenly a terrific noise is heard from the lawbng a sort of booming followed by some shouts of joy. LUX GLEBANA Daladier: considerably startled. Ma foi! what is that? Mussolini: Just my grand-son playing at soldiers. He takes after me, I guess. Chamberlain: cntt-ingly. Why, Benito, don't tell me you are a grandfather? Why you don't look a day over fifty. Mussolini: innocently. I'm not. Early mar- riages is the secret of our success. The maid Mme Benes. wanders through the roomy Dala-drfer ogles her. Daladier: Ou, La! La! Like gay Paree! Hitler: grrujly. Don't pay any attention to her. I am going to have her discharged and put someone in her place whom I can control. Let us get on with the game. Mussolini: Yes, Yes, of course. Let me see ' -I will cut, and Adolph will deal, and- Chamberlain: t-riamphantly. But if you cut Benito, then I deal, not your partner. Mussolini: Heavens, Neville, we couldn't trouble you to do so much. You must be very tired after all your house-cleaning with John Simon, and Hore-Belisha. Chamberlain: modestly. It's really nothing at all. We learn our work on the cricket fields of Eton. Daladier: By the way Nevvy, will the aeroplanes you are constructing in the Canadian wing of your house be finished yet? Chamberlain: I'm not just sure. I haven't seen any of them yet. Mussolini and Hitler exchange signfzjicanl glances. Hitler: brusquely. 'Well, back to the game. What will the stakes be this time? Mussolini: Let us have high stakes! Chamberlain: Oh decidedly. That is what I always say. If you are going to play at all, you might as well make the game worth while. Hitler: No, not at all. Let us have low stakes for the present. Benito and I want to see how our luck is running before we play to win. Mussolini: a.dm'ir1Tngly. Right once more, Adolph. Low stakes it is. Daladier: whispering. I hope to heavens we win! Chamberlain: In a loud voice. Yes, but re- Page 29

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the day! Shucks, a fine way for a guy to spend Friday, John mutters to himself. Then he manages to extract his compos- ition books and depart for the next period. There, he has a perfectly jubilant time, revelling in the supposedly admiring glances of the girls. The composition-oh well, is not there all week-end to do it? Remember to-day is Friday. The recess bell clangs in the hall. Now, John is ready for a swift dash to the cafeteria for a hot dog. I'm famished, so I am, he remarks to an inan- imate audience. In a hectic two periods of Literature and Latin, he manages to draw some very classy outlinesiand eiface a true Virgilian translation for a much more suitable one of his own. But why quibble? Poor John was thinking only of the night to come. Now, home for lunch! After the meal our young man hastens to the scholastic edifice, reaching it at exactly half-past one. After obtaining the usual late slip from the office, he rushes into his Geometry class face red, hair matted, and slips noisily into his seat, growling to himself, Another detention, and to-day is Friday and I'm going out to-night. Heck! The instructor awakens him from his lethargy to demand the enunciation of the theorem which he has studied yesterday. Why, sir, I-the -the-bases are equally proportional to the altitudes of triangles. No. I mean- Oh! Sit down. Getting a correct an- swer from you is harder than finding a needle in a haystack. Every Friday, this whole class seems to think it is a holiday. CFierce- lyj Now concentrate, for goodness sake. Thus speaks the teacher. . At the end of this lengthy oration, the bell rings, and John thankfully escapes to the welcome portals of the Chemistry Laboratory. Here, he was so successful as to carry out an experiment without breaking a test-tube. I must be improving, he repeats to himself. CJohn talks to himself a great deal.J In trigonometry space, he manages to finish his Anc.ient History note on Ha.fn.niba,l. When Ancient History comes along, John says, Just thirty-five minutes and I'll be out of school for the day. QThinking about the detentions.J And I'm not going to stay for those detentions. This is the day for the party and I'm not wasting precious hours here. Ancient History ended, he departs for home in a fever of haste, evading the ever- sharp eyes of his teachers. Page 28 ' After a hearty supper, in which his mother coaxingly remonstrates with him to eat like a gentleman fan impossibilityj, John gets ready for the big event. Spruced up and clean for once, he jumps into his father's car and calls for the heart-throb. Once at the party Jolm has a hilarious time, trying especially to impress his partner with his importance. His chest seems to stick out three more inches, as the shades of night wear on. Then, about three o'clock John leaves the party and steers the car for home. In the harrowing ride, he loses his way once or twice, and is nearly knocked into a ditch by a big truck, which was hogging the road. Sharply he rages to the terrified girl by his side, Why don't those guys watch what they are doing? He nearly killed me. With a happy sigh, he finally deposits the girl on her doorstep. He drives his car into the garage, he enters the house and in less than ten minutes flops into bed. What a day is Friday! Remember, if we did not have Friday, our youths would go stark mad. Good old Friday! 'kflsik To a Sparrow Little bird, are you so cold, Do snow-Hakes that we so admire Chill you and fill you with dread To-morrow, knowing that your bread Is under it: Or is it hunger now That makes you chirp so dismally On that boughg come, be bold And take this bread from my hand Stretched forth so. R.L. 213434 A mother who had taken her little girl to an art museum was touched to see the little girl in tears before a picture of Christian Martyrs being thrown to the lions. Think- ing what a sensitive child she had, she consoled her: Don't cry now. Their sufferings are all over now. I'm not crying for the people, sobbed the child, but look at the poor little lion over there in the corner. He's not getting any. LUX GLEBANA

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1 l member-come what may, our motto is 'Play up, play up, and play the game'! Daladier: Still whispering matters unenthusi- astically. Oh yes,-I suppose so. Mussolini: whispering to Hitler. I hope to a pure Aryan that we win. Hitler: reassuringly. Don't worry, we Will. Don't forget I am dealing. Mussolini looks at Hitler with awe and rapture, while cutting the cards. Daladier looks reproachfully at Chamberlain. Hitler deals rapidly-taking his own ha-nd from the bottom of the pack. The four then pick up their cards, and start bidding, starting-for no apparent reason-with Da-ladier. Daladier: I pass. Mussolini: on the principle of the thing. I double!-That is, er, um, I pass too! M ussol-ini looks somewhat embarrassed and shame-faced. Chamberlain: hopefully. I bid an active League of Nations. Hitler: empah-tically. You can have it! I bid a good propaganda campaign. Daladier: I pass. Mussolini: I check. Chamberlain: desperately, Well my hand is good for an honourable settlement, by way of a plan of appeasement. Hitler: Dished again Neville. I bid for the minority rights of Sudetandland, and a future stranglehold on Czecho-Slovakia. And my hand is strong enough to make both bids, too. Chamberlain: Well Adolph, you should know: after all, you dealt. If I was sure you were bluffing I would call you, but- Hitler calmly proceeds to make his bid, having all play in his own hand. Shrieks of joy can be heard from the lawn, M ussolini on hearing them, blushes rosily, and mutters dreamily- Mussolini: My little grandson. He shall be as great as I am. I have nick-named him Little Caesar . Daladier: Tell me frozen-jaw, is that maid really the famous Mme. Benes? Mussolini: with icy dignity. Yes, but she is really nothing. Adolph tells me so. Hitler: as he rakes in a few minor Czech. territories. Yes, as I said before, I am going to have her discharged. -whispering to Mus- Page 30 solini-And pay the new maid out of what we make in this game-eh, Benito? Chamberlain: I say, I wish you wouldn't whisper so. You know jolly well it isn't very polite. Hitler: elated that he has won, and oozing with conjidence. Oh, shut up! What do you think this is, a sewing circle? We're playing at international politics now, and what's more we're playing for keeps! The maid enters with two telegrams ad- dressed to the four of them. She hands them to Daladier who is highly gratified at this mark of attention. He takes them, opens them slowly, and then proceeds to read them in a puzzled voice. Daladier: This one is from Prime Minister Mackenzie King of Canada. He says: Our parliament is somewhat disturbed at vague rumors of trouble Over Theahf' Please set our minds at rest by cabling immediately, so that we may proceed with pressing business of deciding just what our National Anthem is. Otherwise We may have to get a commission, to decide whether or not we should enlarge our al- ready powerful navy. Signed, Mackenzie King, Prime Minister of Canada. Hitler: sarcastically. Oh, take me away, Benito. I am really quite frightened. Daladier: ignoring the interruption. And the other cable is from President Roosevelt. He declares this game is unconstitutional gidlundemocratic. He demands a New ea . Mussolini: groaning. Somebody give him a hot-foot. Chamberlain: Benito Mussolini! I am shock- ed. Such language! Hitler: Il duce is quite right. We do not Want a new deal: we won! Chamberlain, shaken by such straightforward and undiploma-tic language, clutches his um- brella and prepares to make a jlustered exit. Chamberlain: Come Daladier-let ,us leave. The atmosphere here is intolerable. It is evident that these-ah-er-people, have never associated with the Gentlemen of London. Hitler: ignoring Chamberlain's remarks mut- ters to himself. It is a pity we didn't play for higher stakes, but- LUX GLEBANA