Glebe Collegiate Institute - Lux Glebana Yearbook (Ottawa, Ontario Canada)

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FOURTH FORM NEWS DEFINITIONS SOCIALISM-YOU have two cows, you give one to your neighbour. COMMUNISM-You have two cows, and give both to the Govern- ment and the Government gives you the milk. FASCISM-YOU keep both cows and give the milk to the Govern- ment, and the Government sells part of it back to you. NAZHSM - The Government shoots you and takes both cows. New DEALISM-The Govern- ment shoots one cow, milks the other and pours the milk down the sewer. A cautious look around he stole, His bag of chink he chunk, And many a wicked smile he smcle, And many a wink he wunk. Breathes there a man with soul so dead Who never nearly lost his head, And played with model trains and cars When wandering through the toy bazaars. SCHOOLBOY HOWLERS. The only signs of life in this wilderness are a few stunted corpses. Napoleon had three wives: Jose- phine, Marie Theresa, and Elba. The Romans built their roads straight so that the Britons could not hide behind corners. School boards were not intro- duced until 1870. Previous to this, small slates were used. The horse broke into a lively decanter. King Henry VIII had a mar- vellous funeral. It took ten men to carry the beer. Alexander Mackenzie was the first white man to see the Pacific Ocean coming down the Fraser River. A doughty knight once forth did fare, He got the colic-when and where? In the middle of the knight. Cullcd from Glebe exam papers Il y a une grosse mer: He had a fat mother. Il fait des eclaires: He is making chocolate cakes. Stante litora puppes: There stands a litter of pups. Miss Gilhooly: Cexplaining the plot of a storylz It is the dead of night. Two masked figures creep furtively from the shrubbery and Page 1 00 rear a ladder against the grim old house. They creep silently through the window and enter a darkened room. The clock strikes one. . . Sandy Whitton: Qbreathlessly:l Which one? Most war slogans die, but Miss Cowie still has need of the Verdun Motto: They shall not pass . Mr. Bullock: Now in case any- thing happens to go wrong with this experiment, the laboratory and all of us would be blown to pieces. CA pause.l Now come closer boys, so you can follow me. Mr. Keill: What's the Latin verb for believe? Snowdon: Dardefino. Mr. Keill: Correct, sit down. It was an ancient mariner Who stoppeth one of three-- Now when it comes to keeping goal, What a washout he would be! D'ye ken John Peel with his coat so gray In the old-fashioned town of ' Athlone For he's gone back to the tumble- down shack To get his poor dog a bone. There was a young lady Sharkey, Who up and married a darky, She had for her sins- Triplets, not 'quins - One black, one white and one khaki. Having trouble with wives in his harem, A sultan once set out to scare 'em He let loose a mouse In the midst of his house- And started the first 'harem scarem'. MORE HOWLERS Nicotine is so deadly a poison that a drop on the end of a dog's tail will kill a man. Cassandra was a god of Pro- phecy, or was that someone else? I think so. Horse-power is the distance a horse can carry a pound of water in an hour. The Mosaic Law orders us to set coloured stones in all our floors. The Kodak is the Bible of the Mohammedans. ' A grass widow is the wife of an extinct vegetarian. Bob: What's the difference be- tween an elephant and a panther? Isobel: I don't know. Bob: Well, an elephant wears a trunk, and panth 'er what I wear. A hard-driving taxi driver ig- nored a red signal, threatened the traffic policemarfs knees, missed the street island by a hair, and grazed a bus, all in one dash. The policeman hailed him, then strolled over to the taxi pulling a big handkerchief from his pocket en route. Listen, cowboy! he growled. On yer way back I'll drop this and see if you can pick it up with yer teeth. Miss Burnett: What was the Charge of the Light Brigade? Barnhart: About a dollar an hour, miss. Bill Carson: What makes your hair so red? Gypsy Fleming: My hair is so wiry that every time I wash it, it rusts. Mr. Waddell: Well Sims, why are you late? Bob Sims: There was a strong North wind blowing, sir. Harold Willis: Waitress, what do you call this anyway, tea or coffee? Waitress: Cln Glebe cafeterialz What does it taste like? Harold Willis: Like Paraflin. Waitress: Then it's tea, the coffee tasts like gasoline. Miss Cowie: Lockhead, where have you been? Lockhead: With Cheney. Miss Cowie: Cheney, where have you been? Cheney: With Lockhead. Miss Cowie: Cslightly riledla Where have you both been? Lockhead and Cheney: Together! Traflic Cop: Use your noodle, lady! Use your noodle! Betty Goodall: My goodness! Where is it? I've pushed and pulled everything in the car. Him: Well, I suppose you're plenty angry because I came home last night with this black eye. I-Ier: Csweetlyjz Not at all, dear. You may not remember it, but when you came home you didn't have that black eye. Mr. Bruce: Cas Miss Alexander has asked her 57th questionlz I think you have asked enough questions this space, Miss Alex- ander, let that be the last one. Cto the classl Be very careful of the Bunsen burners, class, the flame gets very hot. ' Miss Alexander: How hot can a flame get, Mr. Bruce? LUX GLEBANA

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SCHOOL FIFTH FORM NEWS THOUGHTS-'N'--THINGS In the study every day, oh how to pass the time away? Of course it's fun the way they make us walk around the room, and take our seats according to the way we took them every other day. But after all, we did that when we were in Kindergarten! Then, we might, perhaps, write out our long-for- gotten homework. But that's wrong! To study in the study! Why, that's one thing you and I, -the favoured Fifth-would never dare! A revolution then and there would shake the world! So let me say, to those who'll come to Glebe some day, the study is the place where you can do what you would like to do. BUT! If you want to stay in there, remem- ber this,-don't EVER dare to study in the study! Son, that's one thing that is never done! No account of Fifth Formers would be complete without- BRIGHT SAYINGS OF CHILDREN James Browning Roe: An 'op- timist' is someone who borrows money to buy a pocket-book. Roy McGregor Watt Junior: 'Belle' is the feminine of gong. Donna McClennan: A 'sculptor' is a man who makes faces and busts. Keith McCaffrey: 0uch! Miss Cowie: What's wrong, McCaffrey? The McCafI: I've just been in a terrible railway accident. Miss Cowie: CAmazedJ How's that? The McCaff: My train of thou- ght has just been de-railed. GOSSIP AND ADVICE by ELSIE OH! Note to readers, from Elsie Oh! Dear Readers:- Elsie is only one person, although she has written in 'we's', and you'll do us a very great favour, if you'll keep us both singular, please. CWe know that the pronoun is plural, and to 'single' it's break ing the rule. But rules are just made to be broken, and what better place than in school?J So 'we' singular bid you adieu now, and 'we' plural all echo our LUX GLEBANA I EWS... cry. We hope we have made our- selves clear now, so we scram now, so long, and good-by. ELSIE OH! Dear Elsie Oh! My social life is in retreat,- abused, and badly beaten! Why is it I must always meet a girl who hasn't eaten? Please advise a course of action to eliminate this faction. Perplexed fan, BERQTIE WANLESS. Dear Bertie:- Don't let it get you down, my boy, it's just the way of the hoi- polloi. But treat them to corn on the cob some day, and you'1l soon iind them going the opposite way. Yours, ELSIE OH! Last night, while snooping a- round the town, in a blinding storm that was whistling down the highway by that famous Club, QT's, you know, but we can't mention names, it's advertising, you dublj CWell, it rhymes, does- n't it?D your reporter saw, in the darkest nook,-we know it isn't polite to look into dark corners with nary a knock, but we were prepared for the thrillingest shock, -and into the recess we haltingly peered and we found something worse than we had even feared- EMPTY! I We, Ccollectively, individually, and quite literallyb nearly fainted. QUIZZ. Who corresponds to these im- mortal Casanovas of History and -ah-History. Dante and-CDid somebody say Inferno?J fWell, maybe that's not so far Wrong after all.D Argyle Connely- Beth Barclay- Nelson-CNo, my pets, not Jan- ette.J Roy Watt-fany ten constitute a full answer.J INNUENDOES IN THE CLASS-ROOM. Mr. Thoms: The cost of learn- ing to fly will soon be no more than from a few dollars or so upwards. Q Marg B.: And practically noth- mg at all downwards! Teacher: We read in encyclo- pedia that the Arabians were the first to learn the secret of distilling alcohol. Gordon B.: That would ex- plain more than a few of those celebrated 'Arabian Nights'. Teacher: Weavers in Jamaica are now making sports coats out of banana fibre. Archie H.: That, no doubt, is to make them easier to slip on and peel off. Teacher: A statistician says that women spend eighty-seven cents out of every dollar. Edward R.: Such a woman would be a jewel. Most of them spend 51.37. Allan J.: Any dry wine is help- ful in seasickness. Kay D.: Any dry land is good too. INTERPRET, TRANSLATE, OR DECIPHER. Scintillate scintillate, globule vivific, Fain would I know thy nature specific. Loftily poised amid ether cap- acious, And somewhat resembling the gem carbonacious. Cryptogamus concretion never grows On mineral fragments that decline to repose. Ornithological specimens of homo- geneous appendages are of a gregarious nature Invisible, insane. Of too high a temperature to be conveniently dealt with. Concerning rodents, and the high- est form of animal life. Would you be so kind as to lead me to the path which will take eventually to my domain? Which teacher, during the in- fluenza epidemic, congratulated the class on the number of people who had written an all-correct test, sayingg You have done quite well, considering you are only half here! ? Of which teacher is this the fa- vourite expression? All right, children, if you want to whisper, go ahead, but keep it down to a roar. Page .99

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Mr. Bruce: Really, Miss Alex-' ander, we must leave something. to be found out in the next world. Foot-pad: Get ready to die. Mr. Keill: Why? Foot-pad: I have always said I'd shoot anyone who looked like me. Mr. Keill: Do I look like you? Foot-pad: Yes. Mr. Keill: Then shoot. Mr. Keill: How many times have I told you to get to school on time? K. Scobie: I don't know sir, I thought you were keeping score. THIRD FORM NEWS 'Twas The Night Before-P BY ETHEL LEIKEN-SG. nt plus the root of 9 CI hope no one else has a dress like minej 6 times 45 add 10, QI hope he asks for a date againlj Three years ago-that's yt, CI wonder what colour his eyes can beg- I think I'll try that new French rouge-D Now how did I get these 2's? CGee! I hope my hair looks nice- My gown is sweet, but oh! the priceb I've solved this now, why this is simple, CGosh! he's got an adorable dim- plelj Now if PRZ plus S is 8, That makes-QI hope he won't be latel Hmm, that makes-now let me think- QI do hope I look nice in pink.J- Now what the heck is the root of 3 This isn't as easy as I thought t'would be, ! l ! X Algebra makes my poor head swim! Woops! there's the phone-CI hope it's HIMJ NEW LAWS FOR PHYSICS No. 1. Attention varies in- versely as the density of a pupil's brain and directly as the elasticity of the teacher's tongue. No. 2. The longer the spoke, the greater the tire. THE SICK BONNIE BY A FUTURE MED. STUDENT. My Bonnie has actinomycosis, Hepatic sclerosis, Doc says. He thinks she has chronic neph- ritis, She's all shot to pieces I guess. LUX GLEBANA My Bonnie has pseudoleuhemia, Arthritis, cystitis and heaves, She now gives the glanders re- action, So here's where my poor Bonnie leaves. Scene-Cosmetic Lane, second fioor. . Time-Recess. Drammatis Personnae- Miss G. Ometry-3X Miss L. Atin-3Z G.0.-Ouch! stop pushing. Can you remember who I lent my history hook to? L.A.-I think it was to-who threw that book? It must have been that little nuisance from 3D in the next aisle. Anyway it's a history book. I guess you can borrow it. G.O.-By the way, speaking of HER, did you get an eyeful of her on Friday-that dress-enough to make Mr. MacLennan forget that Silence is golden . L.A.-She was at Fortune on Saturday and she certainly was playing up to Bob M. She was awfully mad because I ate at the same table with him. Serves her right, the little vamp. Don't you think that Bob is divine looking? G.O.-I think .lack is away ahead of him as far as looks go. I think he's per-r-fect. L.A.-There goes the belle of 3F. Hmm, I wonder if she ever wears her hair the same way for two days in a row. G.O.-I doubt-it, you know, Variety is the spice of life . L.A.-Her evenings certainly are hectic-I've never seen her out with the same boy twice. G.O.-Neither have I. She certainly gets around. Can you lend me your repair kit? Gosh! it's getting late. I have Miss McCloskey next space-can't af- ford to be late. See you later. L.A.-So long. FOR SALE Excuses for all occasions fwith one exception-for not having Latin doneg that is too much to expectl-cheap, apply Locker 100, 6th floor. p N.B.-We specialize in ways and means of getting out of gym periods and alibis for Friday afternoon absences. Some good notes from home, slightly used but still presentable. Exclusive photographs of your favourite movie actors and act- resses-made to fit the locker.- Apply Les. Sutherland. Mr. Keill- For what were the ancient Romans remarkable? Helen Patrick- They under- stood Latin. It was Howard Miller's Hrst evening as usher in the Assembly Hall, and he was a bit iiustered. Turning to a lady he said, This way, madam, and I will sew you to a sheet . Mr. Callan- I hope that you will have a very pleasant holiday and come back a wiser man. Bill Cory- Same to you, Sir. Mr. MacLennan- The circum- ference of a circle will be found to be 2 pi r. George Cole- Then I suppose that the circumference of a square will be found to be 2 pudding is. Phyllis c.H Which do you think has the worst temper, a blond or a red head?', Friend- You ought to know, you've been both. Susie B.- You don't act as if I was the first girl you ever kissed. Mr. X.- If I am the first man who ever kissed you, how do you know I don't? It has been discovered that the recent fiu epidemic is both affir- mative and negative. Sometimes the eyes have it and sometimes the nose. FIRST FORM PAGE Mr. Merkley: What is the lowest form of animal life? Christie: A Hrst former. Miss Locklin: Who said 'Eng- land expects every man to do his duty?' Sally Ann: It must have been Audrey, Miss, I saw her talking . Miss Norris: Was that you laughing, Shirley? Shirley: Yes, Miss, I laughed up my sleeve but there's a hole in the elbow. Little dabs of powder Little specks of paint Make first-formers' freckles Look as if they ain't. G. Wright: Who was the peach I saw you with last night? S. Wilson: That was no peach. That was a fruit salad. She was as sour as a lemon, as slippery as a banana, and when I squeezed her she hit me in the eye like a Grapefruit. Page 1 01