Glebe Collegiate Institute - Lux Glebana Yearbook (Ottawa, Ontario Canada)

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SCHOOL FIFTH FORM NEWS THOUGHTS-'N'--THINGS In the study every day, oh how to pass the time away? Of course it's fun the way they make us walk around the room, and take our seats according to the way we took them every other day. But after all, we did that when we were in Kindergarten! Then, we might, perhaps, write out our long-for- gotten homework. But that's wrong! To study in the study! Why, that's one thing you and I, -the favoured Fifth-would never dare! A revolution then and there would shake the world! So let me say, to those who'll come to Glebe some day, the study is the place where you can do what you would like to do. BUT! If you want to stay in there, remem- ber this,-don't EVER dare to study in the study! Son, that's one thing that is never done! No account of Fifth Formers would be complete without- BRIGHT SAYINGS OF CHILDREN James Browning Roe: An 'op- timist' is someone who borrows money to buy a pocket-book. Roy McGregor Watt Junior: 'Belle' is the feminine of gong. Donna McClennan: A 'sculptor' is a man who makes faces and busts. Keith McCaffrey: 0uch! Miss Cowie: What's wrong, McCaffrey? The McCafI: I've just been in a terrible railway accident. Miss Cowie: CAmazedJ How's that? The McCaff: My train of thou- ght has just been de-railed. GOSSIP AND ADVICE by ELSIE OH! Note to readers, from Elsie Oh! Dear Readers:- Elsie is only one person, although she has written in 'we's', and you'll do us a very great favour, if you'll keep us both singular, please. CWe know that the pronoun is plural, and to 'single' it's break ing the rule. But rules are just made to be broken, and what better place than in school?J So 'we' singular bid you adieu now, and 'we' plural all echo our LUX GLEBANA I EWS... cry. We hope we have made our- selves clear now, so we scram now, so long, and good-by. ELSIE OH! Dear Elsie Oh! My social life is in retreat,- abused, and badly beaten! Why is it I must always meet a girl who hasn't eaten? Please advise a course of action to eliminate this faction. Perplexed fan, BERQTIE WANLESS. Dear Bertie:- Don't let it get you down, my boy, it's just the way of the hoi- polloi. But treat them to corn on the cob some day, and you'1l soon iind them going the opposite way. Yours, ELSIE OH! Last night, while snooping a- round the town, in a blinding storm that was whistling down the highway by that famous Club, QT's, you know, but we can't mention names, it's advertising, you dublj CWell, it rhymes, does- n't it?D your reporter saw, in the darkest nook,-we know it isn't polite to look into dark corners with nary a knock, but we were prepared for the thrillingest shock, -and into the recess we haltingly peered and we found something worse than we had even feared- EMPTY! I We, Ccollectively, individually, and quite literallyb nearly fainted. QUIZZ. Who corresponds to these im- mortal Casanovas of History and -ah-History. Dante and-CDid somebody say Inferno?J fWell, maybe that's not so far Wrong after all.D Argyle Connely- Beth Barclay- Nelson-CNo, my pets, not Jan- ette.J Roy Watt-fany ten constitute a full answer.J INNUENDOES IN THE CLASS-ROOM. Mr. Thoms: The cost of learn- ing to fly will soon be no more than from a few dollars or so upwards. Q Marg B.: And practically noth- mg at all downwards! Teacher: We read in encyclo- pedia that the Arabians were the first to learn the secret of distilling alcohol. Gordon B.: That would ex- plain more than a few of those celebrated 'Arabian Nights'. Teacher: Weavers in Jamaica are now making sports coats out of banana fibre. Archie H.: That, no doubt, is to make them easier to slip on and peel off. Teacher: A statistician says that women spend eighty-seven cents out of every dollar. Edward R.: Such a woman would be a jewel. Most of them spend 51.37. Allan J.: Any dry wine is help- ful in seasickness. Kay D.: Any dry land is good too. INTERPRET, TRANSLATE, OR DECIPHER. Scintillate scintillate, globule vivific, Fain would I know thy nature specific. Loftily poised amid ether cap- acious, And somewhat resembling the gem carbonacious. Cryptogamus concretion never grows On mineral fragments that decline to repose. Ornithological specimens of homo- geneous appendages are of a gregarious nature Invisible, insane. Of too high a temperature to be conveniently dealt with. Concerning rodents, and the high- est form of animal life. Would you be so kind as to lead me to the path which will take eventually to my domain? Which teacher, during the in- fluenza epidemic, congratulated the class on the number of people who had written an all-correct test, sayingg You have done quite well, considering you are only half here! ? Of which teacher is this the fa- vourite expression? All right, children, if you want to whisper, go ahead, but keep it down to a roar. Page .99

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Edited by H. WILLIS H . H A L L I Don't Want to be a Teacher There are many things to do in life A-glitter with romance, A thousand things for me to do If I could get the chance. Oh I could don a pair of tights And rent a cobra snake To twirl and swirl about my feet -Oh, what a pair we'd make! Or I could take up dancing, The high-falutin' kind, Clad in Grecian costume With ribbons down behind I could maybe take up acting, And against the public's jeers I would wail and groan and gnash my teeth And drown the stage in tears. I could study medicine And know the different ills, I could operate on spare ribs And dole out liver pills. I could study art and draw Long and drooping noses, And pictures of the human form In odd and grotesque poses. Or maybe I could write a book Of murders dark and gory, -Of death beneath the butcher's bed 'Twould make a lovely story! I could be a siren too, With a list of torrid lovers And write my love-life in a book With flaming scarlet covers. I could even be a garbage-girl And cast off social fetters To go through all the garbage cans And piece up all the letters There are many lovely things to do Each with a tempting feature But one thing I can say that's sure I'll never 'never be a teacher! HATTIE HALL-5C. Page 98 Thoughts Before the Latin Authors Exam Give me a garland, Put it on my head, Deck me with sweet flowers As one who shall be dead, Forth upon the morrow A sacrifice I'm led To suffer at the altar of teachers who must know What I have learned, what I do know, a What they already know. On that dreaded morning A gloomy day 'twill be, The sky will have bad omens, And heads ache bitterly And Virgil shall turn in his grave In far-off Italyg s His gems are at the altar of teachers who must know What I have learned, what I do know, What they already know. An innocent indicative With false names I shall heap O Aeneas, and Dumnorix In peace you shall not sleep. And from his place in Heaven's vault Brave Julius shall weep His works die at the altar of teachers who must know What I have learned, what I do know, What they already know. But should I do well, What glory shall be mine! What lovely marks await me From the teacher's pencil line! Scholastic oak shall shade my brow Master, should you incline To honour me at the altar of teachers who must -know What I have learned, what I do know, What they already know. ANONYMOUS. Slogan of Macbeth Cleaners QGrand Ra- pids, Michiganj: Out, Damned Spot. Blessed are the meek for they shall ir- ritate the earth. LUX GLEBANA

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FOURTH FORM NEWS DEFINITIONS SOCIALISM-YOU have two cows, you give one to your neighbour. COMMUNISM-You have two cows, and give both to the Govern- ment and the Government gives you the milk. FASCISM-YOU keep both cows and give the milk to the Govern- ment, and the Government sells part of it back to you. NAZHSM - The Government shoots you and takes both cows. New DEALISM-The Govern- ment shoots one cow, milks the other and pours the milk down the sewer. A cautious look around he stole, His bag of chink he chunk, And many a wicked smile he smcle, And many a wink he wunk. Breathes there a man with soul so dead Who never nearly lost his head, And played with model trains and cars When wandering through the toy bazaars. SCHOOLBOY HOWLERS. The only signs of life in this wilderness are a few stunted corpses. Napoleon had three wives: Jose- phine, Marie Theresa, and Elba. The Romans built their roads straight so that the Britons could not hide behind corners. School boards were not intro- duced until 1870. Previous to this, small slates were used. The horse broke into a lively decanter. King Henry VIII had a mar- vellous funeral. It took ten men to carry the beer. Alexander Mackenzie was the first white man to see the Pacific Ocean coming down the Fraser River. A doughty knight once forth did fare, He got the colic-when and where? In the middle of the knight. Cullcd from Glebe exam papers Il y a une grosse mer: He had a fat mother. Il fait des eclaires: He is making chocolate cakes. Stante litora puppes: There stands a litter of pups. Miss Gilhooly: Cexplaining the plot of a storylz It is the dead of night. Two masked figures creep furtively from the shrubbery and Page 1 00 rear a ladder against the grim old house. They creep silently through the window and enter a darkened room. The clock strikes one. . . Sandy Whitton: Qbreathlessly:l Which one? Most war slogans die, but Miss Cowie still has need of the Verdun Motto: They shall not pass . Mr. Bullock: Now in case any- thing happens to go wrong with this experiment, the laboratory and all of us would be blown to pieces. CA pause.l Now come closer boys, so you can follow me. Mr. Keill: What's the Latin verb for believe? Snowdon: Dardefino. Mr. Keill: Correct, sit down. It was an ancient mariner Who stoppeth one of three-- Now when it comes to keeping goal, What a washout he would be! D'ye ken John Peel with his coat so gray In the old-fashioned town of ' Athlone For he's gone back to the tumble- down shack To get his poor dog a bone. There was a young lady Sharkey, Who up and married a darky, She had for her sins- Triplets, not 'quins - One black, one white and one khaki. Having trouble with wives in his harem, A sultan once set out to scare 'em He let loose a mouse In the midst of his house- And started the first 'harem scarem'. MORE HOWLERS Nicotine is so deadly a poison that a drop on the end of a dog's tail will kill a man. Cassandra was a god of Pro- phecy, or was that someone else? I think so. Horse-power is the distance a horse can carry a pound of water in an hour. The Mosaic Law orders us to set coloured stones in all our floors. The Kodak is the Bible of the Mohammedans. ' A grass widow is the wife of an extinct vegetarian. Bob: What's the difference be- tween an elephant and a panther? Isobel: I don't know. Bob: Well, an elephant wears a trunk, and panth 'er what I wear. A hard-driving taxi driver ig- nored a red signal, threatened the traffic policemarfs knees, missed the street island by a hair, and grazed a bus, all in one dash. The policeman hailed him, then strolled over to the taxi pulling a big handkerchief from his pocket en route. Listen, cowboy! he growled. On yer way back I'll drop this and see if you can pick it up with yer teeth. Miss Burnett: What was the Charge of the Light Brigade? Barnhart: About a dollar an hour, miss. Bill Carson: What makes your hair so red? Gypsy Fleming: My hair is so wiry that every time I wash it, it rusts. Mr. Waddell: Well Sims, why are you late? Bob Sims: There was a strong North wind blowing, sir. Harold Willis: Waitress, what do you call this anyway, tea or coffee? Waitress: Cln Glebe cafeterialz What does it taste like? Harold Willis: Like Paraflin. Waitress: Then it's tea, the coffee tasts like gasoline. Miss Cowie: Lockhead, where have you been? Lockhead: With Cheney. Miss Cowie: Cheney, where have you been? Cheney: With Lockhead. Miss Cowie: Cslightly riledla Where have you both been? Lockhead and Cheney: Together! Traflic Cop: Use your noodle, lady! Use your noodle! Betty Goodall: My goodness! Where is it? I've pushed and pulled everything in the car. Him: Well, I suppose you're plenty angry because I came home last night with this black eye. I-Ier: Csweetlyjz Not at all, dear. You may not remember it, but when you came home you didn't have that black eye. Mr. Bruce: Cas Miss Alexander has asked her 57th questionlz I think you have asked enough questions this space, Miss Alex- ander, let that be the last one. Cto the classl Be very careful of the Bunsen burners, class, the flame gets very hot. ' Miss Alexander: How hot can a flame get, Mr. Bruce? LUX GLEBANA