Georgetown University School of Medicine - Grand Rounds Yearbook (Washington, DC)

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A LISTING OF THE VERY CHOICEST ESTATES NOW ON THE MARKET 1' W - Q'-.414--' - .1 7 ri. xy '1 ' 1-w if ' 'W IN THE ARLINGTON COMMUNITY: Open for inspection, a classic rambling ranch house. This house is unique, with its wailing rooms, operating theatre, fu- neral parlors and crematorium. Originally it was owned by two brothers, one a quasi-surgeon, the other an undertaker. This cut down on operating expenses, so to speak. These frugal brothers also sold headstones and had a small cemetery in the back yard Imost graves unmarkedl. This house would be ideal for the social or civic minded family: the large rooms and crematorium might be used for private parties and weenie roasts. They might also be rented to such groups as the K. of C., Lions, NAACP or the American Nazi Party. The kids can use the operating theater and practice with their do-it-yourself Ben Casey Kits. Inquire: Dorothy Reed. P. O. 416, City 94 FOR SALE: A small but potential community hospital located in the lovely Georgetown neighborhood. Here is a three hundred bed relatively modern medical unit which by next year hopes to be fully approved for internships and residencies. Although prominent in the fields of cardiac surgery and internal medicine, the hospital's two outstand- ing features are itsipicturesque and congenial cafeteria, trumored to have had a two million dollar profit last yearl and a small but adequate emergency room lcapable of holding forty staff members and one patient in cardiac arrest.l Located nearby are: 1. Nightingale HallAA young ladies boarding house which with minor changes in the floor plans, lighting and laws had been made into a professional building. 2. A dormitory of the local college, The Kober Hall, housing both male and female students. Two interesting Master theses have come from the university this year: The Pros and Cons of Free Love cf Comparative Anatomy, Braille System. 3. An H shaped building housing the dental clinic and a lending library. This library, boasting a full Zane Gray collection, runs on a non-profit no volume principle. 4. This car-filled area is a research and farming tract run by the GTU flocal agricultural collegel. It operates entirely without government subsidy gaining income from quick frozen mud pies ipopular among the toddler setl and towing charges for stuck cars. It is also rumored they have a contract with the hospital cafeteria. Inquire: Sister Philist'i11a,' Georgetoume , snr. FOR SALE: THE GEORGE ORWELL ESTATE-A beautiful four-acre tract along the banks of the muddy Anacostia River in the heart of the Washington Forest fJunglel. The major buildings consist of: A. Gate House: used for reviewing and screening guests. Main Manor: is divided into two principle sections. The larger section once occupied by the rotund Mr. Orwell ta questionable Pickwickianl is designed in the character and philosophy of this thinking man, permeated with the feelings of contemplation, notion, concept, somnolence and stasis. The smaller tlesserl wing indeed was designed in the character and philosophy of Mrs. Orwell, a woman of action Cquestion- ably thyroid toxicl. The rooms here seem permeated with kinetics, dynamics, doing, obsession, compulsion and acting-out. C. Male Servants Quarters is a picturesque, pre-Columbian red brick completely renovated in 1776 in the spirit of that year. G. Female Servants Quarters and Dining Hall-recommended by Duncan Hines: the female servants that is. N. Guest House: designed primarily for carefree yet gracious living. Plans are in progress for a forty foot bar and a belfry. The caretaker has perfected a new drink Libri-beer-um and is also providing the Chiropters desmodontidae to be used either in the DT's or the belfry. D. Stables: Here the Orwells kept largely mares which it would appear were used only occasionally for breeding. However, rumor has it Mr. Orwell was influenced greatly by Johnathan Swift's A Sensible Proposal. The remaining buildings are used to store contraband drugs. Inquire: Charity Goodhue, Dept. Public Assistance, City B.

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r .5 E Xiiffit III il Merry ManueI's Infirmarian Oil An Uld Professor's Distillate Being Tonic, Demulcent, Regulator and ReLaxative. Useful Against Fireballs of the Womb, Locked Bowel, Open Bowel, Low Blood, High Blood, Wide Blood, Narrow Blood, Clot on the Heart, Prostitutis, Pops, Kernels, Sores, Sweats And the Sundry Lumps To Which our Frail Nature is Prone. Useful for our Nature, itself!, The Screaming Mighty Jesus, Applause and Trichotomy. Rr llmygdala amara, lBitter Almondiz Amygdala dulce, tSweet Almandl: Guiacum, tltuiacl: Ulmus, tSlippery Elmlz Adeps, lLard7: Eupatorium, Uhoughtworti: Chondros, tlrish Mossy: Myristica, tNutmegJ: Aspidium, lMale Ferni: Euonymus, twahonlz Mel, tlloneyja Sapa mullis, lsnft soapy: Scutellaria, tSkullcapJ: Serpentaria, fvirginia Snake Rooti: Althaea, imarshmallowlz Triticum, tcouch Grassl: Viburnum opulus, ttramp Barki: Humulus, fllopsiz Acidum Gallicum, tliaulic Acidiz TAKE, TRITURATE, AND MIX TILL RATHER FULLY BLENDEU THESE TWENTY UDD INGREDIENTS. FUR TWD MONTHS USE INTENDED Selphelps from the Professor, fwith Malice to Numbj, Comes as quarter-grain Pearls in a mlnim of Rum! For, the Patient is Rheumy, tthough the Cubicle's NOTJ, With Tightness of Chest, and Constriction of Thought. For Spice, and all that's nice in-halts, A drachm of ILM: 'laundiced Liquor of MultiLaughs'. From this sludge come bubbles, smoke and a voice well-known, Echoing: Mono, Mono, Mono, in Monotone. This Last, done with great Manuel Dexterity and Rigor, lmbues all with a sense of Pseudo Pseudo Vigor. As a balm to soothe and subdue all distress, For Overnight Use, apply it H. S. When it's time to LaTendresse. For your Cole's and Fits, it may be good. lt may be Authfull, but if it should, That's the way it goes in DesMondane World. For Anxiety, you'll Steinback and be amazed, That in Liquor Amnii, it has a pleasant taste. To make a manic of you, use semiannually as ointment. fMrs. Poland will book your next appointment.J For Palpitations, they'll decelerate and beat no Moe', But keep its use to a Minim, 'tis possible to beat Ton Slow. For your Sweet tooth, to get the Moss out, lt's DBI and nonConformin. Check the Urine, Check the Sugar But Do Not give Phenformin. For it's a rolling stone that gather no deLawter. Cool Clear, deLawter. This the Barbers widely tout, For ambulating patients: 'Get them Pottering about'. Who Knows? The Shanno Knows. You'd better Russell up some buckets, Sir, And, take a Horvath, as it were, For beauty is only Skin deep. Now it's time for the pelvic on little lost Sheep, 'There, let Hyman oft appear in Saffron Robe, with Taper Clear' fMiltonJ. And let the Aides, as well, appear With Crystal Slides of Waterclear. If ankylosed with Rheumatiz, rack not your Brains For it's not the goose that Begets the Crains. Few can match the enthusiasm this Galenical imparts Reading the Hyatt Act, in the Seven Boney Arts, He draws the fastest Cheroot in the West!!! The Thing being done, OPD gone, it's for the Best. Non Rep.

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FOR SALE: On Wisconsin Avenue at the edge of old Georgetowne occupying ten acres of valuable apartment building land stands the Mount Alto girls finishing school. Tra- ditionally from the turn of the century a classical curriculum of walking, talking, tea and such prevailed. However in the early forties under the guidance of a new head master, fellows were first admitted. Since then it has catered solely to veterans. It is felt that under new management, pressure might be applied to get the fellows out. Inquire : Carrie Nation REAL PROPERTIES A BARGAIN This lovely New England colonial was originally erected on Nantucket Island by an old sea captain for his lovely young wife. The high towering widow's walk fwhich she hopefully walkedl was her design, making an un- expected arrival of her husband's ship impossible. One day after a tangle with Moby Dick the old captain slipped into port in a little dingy and caught the young wife and her lover by surprise. After dunking the wife and keel- hauling the lover the old captain died of a stroke. The building was willed to the United States Navy which moved it stone by stone to Bethesda, Md., where it served as a naval infirmary. However with the new spending pro- gram a new seven hundred bed infirmary is to be built over the next twenty years so that the Navy is giving the building away if someone will move it off the Adm.iral's golf course. Until completion of the new infirmary Navy personnel will be treated at Walter Reed Army Hospital or referred to their Survival at Sea Manual. I1zquire.'E'manualC'a1z't, Bethesda, Md. f--.. . T --Q 2' ' r W- -... . , Y. . . f - A . 1.4 . ' . ' - , pil' 1.- 'fi FOR. SALE: To the virile man who wants a large family this three hundred room English Gothic home, complete with two hundred children and thirty five wives. It was originally built for the Shaw of Begat to house his modest family. However with the recent uprising of his eunuchs the Shaw was forced to flee this country and return to his oil soaked sands. Inquire: Vlahos, Geriatric Ward, C.H. SALE: One hospital: UNITED STATES ARMY SURPLUS HS-Irs43 Due to budget cut we must sell. Includes following features: 1 3-rooms, surgical HS-SPO-110 , 400 beds, hospital HS B02-001 300 linens, assorted HSLO 3-001-2-8 5 20, 2 by 10 pans, bed HS P04-003 ' 1 Ray-X machine HS-X-05-021 X 700 balls, medicine HS-B-02-002 1 WAC, Pfc. HS-Gyn-03-34.52 The sale was necessitated by the recent cut in military spending and our own cost conscious program. Due to the large appropria- tions required for the design and production of medals for the Little Rock and Oxford campaign fto be worn by all military personnel with battle stars for those who actively participatedj the Army feels it best to dispose of this hospital. Men in this area will be treated at either the United States Naval Hospital in Bethesda or Tripler General Hospital, Honolulu. Inquiry: CIA