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Page 27 text:
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People and Places. Mr. Alex Sherriffs finds a thou- sand year old fossil and an- nounces it to be his English teacher. ,N GASBAG Sports. Miss Maria Woodbridge rides the winning horse in the Big Derby: Waxy Wong. Weather. Cold and clearing in five years. High 56, low 55. Westerly winds 35 mph. Chances of rain 1000 to %. Phone: Disconnected the Scrapers THE GOSSIP PILLAR Berkeley A 30 foot skateboai ' d has re- placed the A.C. Transit bus lines, yesterday. The buses, normally used for transportation, are being Put to bed said the A.C. Transit head Lawrence Fong. There has been, however, question of what to do when it rains . . . The new textured stockings have set a craze for the new textured gloves. The gloves extend up the arm, and are attached to the neck. When buying textured stockings you can get a matching pair of tex- tured gloves for only $5.95. Miss Karen Hill, the designer of the gloves expects them to be a great craze. WILD ANIMAL TRAPPED ON ROSE AND GRANT! Berkeley A team of famous animal trainers led by Dr. D. Braver ran down and trapped a wild creature near Rose and Grant Streets in Berkeley last Wednesday. When our reporter saw the animal, he said, Why, it ' s a mouse. The good Doctor said, EHHHHHH and climbed the near- est tree. The Raven Once upon a morning dreary While I pondered weak and weary Over many a quaint and curious Volume of forgotten math. While I nodded nearly napping Suddenly there came a tapping As of someone gently rapping, Rapping at our classroom door. Tis the prinicpal, I muttered Tapping at our classroom door. Only him and nothing more. Ah distinctly I remember, It was in the bleak December And each separate failing ' port card wrought its ghost Upon the floor. Eagerly I wished the morrow Vainly I had sought to borrow From my dog surcease of sorrow, Sorrow for the lost A plus. For the rare and radiant grade, Whom the angels named A plus. Nameless here for evermore. And the bending, sad hard Rustling of each white card Thrilled me, filled me With fantastic terrors Never felt before. So that now to still the Beating of my heart I stood repeating ' Tis the principal entreating Entrance at our classroom door. With a tardy pupil, entreating Entrance at our classroom door. It is them and no one more. Presently my soul grew stronger, Hesitating then no longer. Sir, said I, not madam, Truly your forgiveness I implore. But the fact was I was Napping and so gently You came tapping and tapping At our classroom door. GARRELIAN INCREASES POPULARITY (finally)! Berkeley The results of a recent survey made of local magazines and news- papers shows the Garfield Garfiel- ian is 394th in popularity in the Berkeley area. The local editor, Mr. Paul Machlis, when asked to com- ment, said, I ' m not discouraged. In the last year, we ' ve risen from 432nd to 392th and passed up sev- eral vital publications including the Bee Keepers monthly Sting and the Rattlesnake Breeders ' quarterly magazine Bites. Asked why the Gar- fielian didn ' t publish a paper last week, the editor said someone had borrowed the pencil and failed to return it. GARFIELD DONE OVER Berkeley The new escalators, the three Olympic-sized swimming pools, the five student lounges with deep leather chairs, coke machines, and automatic hamburger dispensers have been installed at Garfield. In answer to a question about student reaction, the Principal said, Other schools have problems of drop-outs — our problem is drop- ins. SALE!!! 1964 Booper Skate Board, Good condition. Wheels made by famous Jonathan Singer. $1:79. HAIR SPRAY! PINK GOLD AND PURPLE!!! ONLY $1:02. BLOOPERS. All colors . . . large (one foot) and small (¥2 meter). Call Sherry Hirota. STOCKINGS . . . TEXTURED! The lastest patterns . . . BEA- TLES! In red, blue, green, yellow, and ultro-violet. BUY! Notify Ann Wassit. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HERE IT IS! THAT CORRUPT- ING FOUR LETTER WORD!!! . . . work.
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Page 26 text:
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NEWS IN BRIEF World News. Dr. Melissa Holton discovers the Moon is made of green cheese. National News. Dr. Joanne Fujii awarded Pul- itzer Prize for autobiography Exodus from Garfield. Local News. Mayor Miriam Kasin of Berke- ley announces that Berkeley will be replaced by a parking lot. Volume 4, IOO ' 4 , No. 157 Priceless GARFOO GARFIELD TIDDLY WINK TEAM TURNS PROFESSIONAL! Berkeley Coach Mari Haight of the Garfield Junior High Tiddly Wink Team an- nounced yesterday that the entire Garfield team had turned profes- sional after their upset victory in the Alameda County finals last month. Coach Haight was sad. Just think, she said in an exclusive in- terview with ace reporter Glen Frendel, the greatest winkers in the history of the game. In answer to the reporter, she further reported that the star wink- er. Miss Connie Richardson, signed with the Rose Street Warriors for a reported salary of three hambur- gers, four boxes of Junior Mints, six boxes of chocolate-covered rais- ins and a package of spiced charms a week. Other team members including Sharon Laviolette, Joanne Fujii, Chris Bogard, Lucy Kerman, and Nancy Bryan were signed by Cookie Stryker of the Indian Rock Rocks for salaries ranging from two frostie freezes per week plus unknown amounts of Double- Bubble gum. THE COOKING CORNER WITH OUR FRENCH CHEF Housewives from all over the country have been sending me re- ceipts. Here are only a few. MARVELOUS MEATLOAF 3 cups finely chopped slugs 5 quarts cat tail juice 2 pounds flamingo gizzards 8 stalks of crabgrass 4 light bulbs (300 watts) Mix slugs, crabgrass and gizzards thorougnly. Stew in cat tail juice for eignt nours. Garnisn with crush- ed ligntbulbs. Serve on a pie plate, steaming hot. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA SPACE FOR SALE: CONTACT JOHN GLENN Dear Gwen Dear Gwen: My mommy thinks that I ' m too young to wear knickers to school and I hate short pants. —23 and Getting Older Dear 23 and Getting Older: I think your mommy is right. Knickers aren ' t in style, anyway. Dear Gwen: My girlfriend thinks that she has broken a world record by going steady with 20 boys in one week. Can you confirm this? — Number 21 Dear Number 21: No. When I was her age I went with 25 boys in one week. Dear Gwen: I ' m flunking math. Dad says that if I do, I don ' t get to buy a Super Dooper Skater-roo Skate Board. HELP! F Dear F: Appeal to your math teacher. Otherwise get yourself a copy of the answers. Dear Gwen: This certain boy walks with me every day between English and math. No matter what I do, I can ' t shake him. What can I do? — Desperate Dear Desperate: If you really must shake him, try an osterizer . . . MR. MARK PILIAVIN TESTS NEW SANDWICH North Pole, June 16 — Mr. Mark Piliavin has just announced that the new Eskimo pies are better than ever. The noted food taster for World Crispy Crunchy Corporation was educated at Garfield Junior High School in Berkeley, Califor- nia. When asked recently how he entered the food tasting business, he said, I developed my remark- able abilities in my old English class instead of doing my spelling! Freddy F.S.M. COMES TO GARFIELD Berkeley Dr. Mona L. Williams, Miss Shar- on Shelton, Miss Patricia Watson and Miss Pat Holmes, the Executive Committee of the Fried Sauerkraut Movement (F.S.M.) have come to Garfield to sponsor the world-wide movement to eat more fried sauer- kraut for lunch. In an exclusive interview with our daring, enterprising reporter, Miss Jennifer Young, the Commit- tee confessed that many students lacked enthusiasm. In the words of the distinguished Committee: Many still are eating, if you ' ll par- don the expression, hamburgers. GARFIELD RECORDS FALL! Berkeley Event winners in the annual Gar field track and field meet are as follows: Michael Beil — Paper Throw Henry Clayton — Paper Crumble Diane Duckett — Unlimited Gum Chew Valerie Merkle — Limited Gum Chew Terry Taylor — Loudest Hall Noise Dayne Coleman — Loudest Class Noise Alex Sherriffs — Lunch Dash Kenneth Carter— Pencil Sharpen Victor Smith — Stair Skip
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