Garfield Junior High School - Gleaner Yearbook (Berkeley, CA)

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THE GARFIELD GAZETTE Page 2 GAZETTE Last night a singular event occurred, one which had reverberations all over the country: the cast of the H. M. S Pinafore reuned for a grand perform- ance of their operetta. Just for color, the setting was the old Garfield Audi- torium, which was used for the original performance. The house was packed ; there were three men hanging from the balcony rail by their suspenders. Mrs. Kressman didn ' t look a day older ; she could tickle the ivories just as fast or faster than her former students remem- bered. When the gold curtain drew back, there they were : the sailors in their blue jerkins, complete with long black sideburns. Mari Erickson at last had found a pair of ducks that fit her. The captain was exactly the same as the cast remembered, except that he lost the cat of nine tails and had to use one of Sir Joseph ' s shoulder deco- rations. Sir Joseph didn ' t mind, it kept falling off anyway. Buttercup looked so much like Buttercup that Buttercup almost fooled Buttercup herself. Even Deadeye was more triangular than usual. Ralph Rackstraw was still a highbrow Englishman, but when Jose- phine ' s parasol collapsed in the middle of Act II, there was a scene behind it that the audience missed. Josephine really outdid herself, though, and as her lovely voice floated across the foot- lights, it was suddenly May, 1956, and the cast was 9th graders again. By the time the final curtain came down, the audience was hoarse with cheering. Mrs. Kressman was radiant with ex- citement. She said she was having the time of her life. The cast promised to reune again in 1996 (?) CLASSIFIED SECTION WANTED — Geni us by the name of Ray Ozenberger. Am flunking Al- gebra and need your help. Must have the name of Ray Ozenberger. Can be contacted in 101 at all times. WANTED— Three baby alligators for a lonely mother. Contact Teddy Papenfuss, 1, the Swamp. LOST — Black and white polka dotted cat. Very gentle household pet. Re- ward. Lynn Wycliffe, Mountaintop, Tennessee FOUND— Lost chord. FOR SALE— Collie pups. Thorough- bred parents. 3 of them. Margaret Neubacher, Pet Pound FOUND — Small leopard. Left on the corner of Shattuck and Vine. Never mind a reward. You can ' t replace a hand anyway. Jim Lose, Ward 2, Bed 26. LOST— chord. LOST — a green alligator wallet con- taining 3 pennies, a bus transfer, a library card (no. 34607128), a social security card (no. 100024) and two theater stubs. If you find it, discard it. Bob Enslin, 1100 Skid Row. FOR SALE — everything I own. Come down for the big auction. Have to leave immediately. Carold Stevens, Death Row, San Quentin. FOR SALE — a house on the tracks ; inquire soon. House will be gone in 20 minutes. Liz White, Faulty Co. WANTED — set of teeth. Have some old ones to trade in on the new ones. Mr. Van, Algebra Teachers ' Rest Home. Which twin was washed in Foamie and which one in an ordinary washday detergent ? Guess — Bev Opdyke of New Amster- dam guessed the right one. Answer — No, I ' m sorry, it is the left one. You lose the $1,000,000, but you get a 50 year ' s supply of Foamie, any- way. Extra! Great Scientist, Val Duel, Discovers How Sound Barrier Came to Be CRASH! It was the fourth time the wall- of Jupiter ' s domain cracked and tumbled to the ground. Yes, it was that unruly God of Noise, Clatterus, sounding off again. The vibrant sound waves shook all of Mt. Olympus. It was then that Jupiter, king of the ' gods, knew that he must put a stop to this ear-splitting, wall-cracking din. When Clatterus called a mere, Hey, Jupe! women ' s dresses blew flat against them, the earth trembled, and walls fell down to the earth. Jupiter pondered and pondered over his problem, even losing three nights of sleep. Finally the thought struck him ! Why not build an invisible wall, so strong that even the tremendous vibra- tions of Clatterus ' hullabaloo could not pierce its invincible foundation? The wall was constructed, and Clatterus was grounded down to earth where he could holler all he wanted to without creating a major earthquake. And even to this day, the sound barrier of Jupi- ter ' s still exists. But now, Jupiter is faced with another problem : jet planes. Every now and then the walls of his home crack and tumble to the ground ! And who knows? Someday he will de- vise a way to outsmart the modern sound-barrier-breakers ! Problems of the Day As summer is coming on and since the Vsummer = swimming2, we decided to have something appropriate in this column. Here it is : If a swimming pool holds 23,000 gallons of water and has 3 pipes, one filling and two emptying, how many lily pads are there in the deep end? For the more intelligent genius, we included a slightly more advanced prob- lem : A swimming pool is 30 ft. by 60 ft., and it holds 45,000 gallons. There are 3,857,291 tiles on the bottom. There is one pipe to empty and one to fill. Both are rusty and full of holes. If the diving board is 5 ft. above the water, should you wear a small, medium or large cap in the pool? ANSWER: Some of the steps may seem a little remote to you, but we assure you, there is no other way. GAZETTER GAZELLE GAYNESS JOYLESS JOURNEY CHIMNEY CHICAGO OLD LADY BOCK ' S GOSSIP COLUMN QUESTION: Is it true that singer Shari Evans wore a kelly green pillbox coat with a blue dress when she drove along Main Street in her crimson red Cadillac on her way to a cocktail party at the Brazilian room where the cook, Johnathon B. Richards of Berkeley, had made a chiffon cake in her honor? ANSWER: I ' m afraid you heard the story the wrong way because I was there at the party and know what really happened. Miss Evans fainted when she ate the blue sponge cake made by Johnathon B. Richards of Berkeley. Then she took some kelly green pills and recovered. Mr. Richards turned crimson red when he discovered that he had made a real blue sponge, due to a few miscalculations in cooking. QUESTION: I heard from private sources that the hockey world champion. Mr. Pat McLaughlin, told Sandy Lewis the secret of his success. He said that he practices hitting the puck with top end of the hockey stick instead of the bottom end. ANSWER: It seems to me that your private sources aren ' t very accurate. Pat McLaughlin is the state-wide baseball champion who plays second base on the Down With Van team. He does practice with the tip of the bat instead of the base, but he uses jaw breakers instead of balls. QUESTION : A friend of mine informed me that Miss Charlene Akers, the best dressed lady in California, got lost in one of her many clothes closets. I believe it was number 18, the Bermuda section. At any rate, she was lost for five days and when found she told authorities that she had existed on pink and blue Bermuda socks. She says they are quite tasty. ANSWER : That ' s about the way I heard it except she did have a Hershey bar with her. I heard that she rolled the socks around it and took very small bites. The other day she served them at a tea at her mansion and I understand that the guests left in quite a rush. QUESTION: I read in True Confessions Magazine that jockey Mike Roger, whom all the horses love, tried to cross the Mohave Desert on his oldest nag called Keitheo. The article said that he failed because his nag kept eating on the way and it was too expensive. Also because of the intense heat Mr. Roger had to con- stantly apply sun lotion and his skin eventually turned lime green. ANSWER: I think you need a little straightening out. For one thing never depend on True Confessions Magazine. My dog knows more than they do. Mike Roger is a movie star who goes riding on his thoroughbred horse, Keitheo. He turned green when some crazy scenery jerks on the set spilled a bucket of lime green paint on him. Once he did make a trip across the Mohave Desert, but by plane. I ' ve heard he likes the stewardesses. QL T ESTION : Is it true that the famous ballerina, Marianna Weiss, accidentally dropped one of the stage lights on one of her fans called Sylvia Lepage. I heard that she got carried away in one of her dances and the audience went wild, causing a stage light to fall off. Then she accidentally dropped it on a screaming fan called Sylvia Lepage. ANSWER : You are very mistaken. Although she is an accomplished ballerina. Miss Weiss is known for her talent as a pianist. In one of her performances a fan called Sylvia Lepage kept begging for one of the piano keys. Miss Weiss very gracefully tossed her one of the red roses off the stage scenery. NOTICE: If you have any interesting tidbits, please sends them to BOCK 123 Whoduyasee Street Berpeley, Gulpafornia BAY AREA MOVIE GUIDE Berkeley The Hilarious Comedy, Hanged (Not Hung) The Hangers — Dave Dickson, Stillson Judah, Bev Opdyke, Bob O ' Sullivan, Arlen Lee The Hanged — Jeff Brown, Mari Erickson, Conrad Chevez, Lindy Wolfard, Jane Winfield (The closet was built specially for this film by Larry Lowell, who bought the closet complete with hangers for his Bartlett Hills Mansion.) Bayville And another Walt Dizzy Adventure, Up in the Air Birdmen — Bob Bennett, Mike Walker, Steve Turner, Harry Dodson Birds — Rosal Baudette, Bill Evans, Reba Short Eggs — Valrie Duel, Clarene Goon, George Bliss, Marcia Jacobson And an added feature — An awful orange ooblick cartoon ! The face of the Grand Canyon has been scaled ! The expedition led by Jim Hemphill and including Myron Artist, John Peel, Danny Leon, Art Andrews, Vic Coffield, was finally successful on the third try. The first time, John Peel, who was carrying the food, laid it down to tie his shoe, and when he looked up, it was back at the bottom of the gorge. The second time they built a fire on a ledge, and the warden, John DeVries, came around and took a shot at them. He pierced the canteen of water, and they had to turn back again. The third try is always the charm, said Jim Hemphill later. They had to hack out each step they took and climb it like a ladder. There is now a ladder up the face of the Grand Canyon, which may be used for future reference. The last evening they found themselves on a sheer face at bedtime. So they hacked out a ledge to sleep on. This ledge took them 3 nights and 2 days, but finally they got to sleep. The climbers had cut out the ledge so artistically that Mike Ongerth pro- claimed it a priceless masterpiece, and it was removed and taken to the Metro- politan Museum of Art (for future reference).

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