Gardner High School - Wampanoag Yearbook (Gardner, MA)

Page 21 text:

THE ARGUS Quick Finish Jasper: How did Casper manage to win the cross-country race? Lester: He was dead beat and sat down for a rest. Jasper: How did that help him? Lester: He sat on a wasp's nest. The literary critic met a young and aspiring author at his club. I've just read a book of yours, he said. My last one? queried the author hopefully. I hope so, replied the critic. Louisa had been sitting quietly be- side her mother in church, but follow- ing the passing of the collection plate. she became restless and stood up on the seat. Her mother tried to hold her firmly and Louisa, resenting it, squirmed and sobbed audibly. Why, Louisa, what do you want? her mother inquired in an undertone. I want to see it, sobbed Louisa. What, Louisa? I can hear the organ grinding and the man came for the pennies, but I can't see the monkey. Traveler: Yes, gentlemen, I was un- armed and the ferocious beast sprang right at me. I heaved a bucket of water in its face, and to my great relief it slunk away. Listener fafter prolonged silencel: It's true, boys, I met that tiger half an hour afterwards, stroked his whiskers and they were still wet. Said the first: I have just been to a beauty parlor. And was it closed, dearie? asked the other, sweetly. Mother Knew Mickey came home from school snifiiing. You've been licked, said his mother. I ain't, a doctor at school this mornin' exam- ining us,-and he said I had adnoidsf' Phwat's thim? asked his mother. They're things in your head as has to be taken out, answered Mickey. lt's a lie, angrily exploded his mother. I've fine-combed your head ivry Saturday night, and niver an ad- noid did I find! said Mickey. There was They were discussing dogs, and the tales were becoming pretty tall when one of the group took the lead. Smith, he said, had a most intelli- gent retriever. One night Smith's house caught fire. All was instant confusion. Old Smith and his wife fiew for the children and bundled out with them in quick order. Alas, one had been left behind. But up jumped the dog, rushed into the house, and soon reappeared with the missing child. Every one was saved, but Rover dashed through the flames again. What did the dog want? No one knew. Presently the noble animal re- appeared, scorched and burned, with -what do you think? Give it up, cried the eager lis- teners. With the fire insurance policy, wrapped in a damp towel, gentlemen. Man: Yes, I am pretty strong for banks. Neighbor: You must have money, then. Man: Nope! Not a cent. The banks I am interested in are those you can sit along and fish, you see.

Page 20 text:

THE ARGUS Kings The class composition was on Kings, and this is what one boy wrote: The most powerful king on earth is Wor-kingg the laziest, Shir-kingg one of the worst kings, Smo-kingg the wit- tiest Jo-kingg the quietest, Thin-king, the thirstiest, Drin-kingg the slyest, Win-king, and noisiest, Tal-king. Lay down, pupg lay down! ordered the man. Good doggie-lay down,I say. You'll have to say 'lie down,' mis- ter, declared a small bystander. That's a Boston terrier. Mary: Sit down and tell me all about your horseback ride with that handsome young groom. Edythe: I'll tell you all about it, but if you don't mind I won't sit down. Home, Sweet Home A writer recently told a story of a modern girl who said to a real estate agent when he wanted to sell her a house: A home? Why do I need a home? I was born in a hospital, educated in a college, courted in an automobile and married in a churchg I live out of the paper bags, I spend delicatessen and my mornings on the golf course, my afternoons at the bridge table, and my evenings at the die, I am going moviesg and whenl to be buried at the undertaker's. All I need is a garage. Tourist: Is it an offense to park on Main Street in this town? Native: No, sir: by gum, if you kin park on Main Street here it's a miracle. A reader of one paper reports that except for the footnotes published below the pictures of trials held in this country recently, he is unable to tell the difference between the officers of the law, the witnesses, the lawyers, and the criminal. They are telling the story on a farmer who refused the appeal of a book agent to buy a book, How I Worked My Farm for a Profit, by saying that he was too busy to read fiction. Teacher: Give me a sentence with the word miniature. Boy: The miniature asleep you snore. A Deceptive Look An old lady visited an asylum and displayed great interest in the inmates. One old man particularly won her compassion. And how long have you been here, my man? she inquired. Twelve years, was the answer. Do they treat you well? Yes After addressing a few more ques- tions to him the visitor passed on. She noticed a smile broadening on the face of her attendant, and on asking the cause heard with consternation that the old man was the medical superintendent. She hurried back to make apologies. I am sorry, doctor, she said. I'll never go by appearances again. Miss Hatch: Give me the definition for halo. Charlotte Barthel: Isn't it one of those round things that a farmer stores his corn in?

Page 22 text:

'-1.1 ll A fy' 1 -. ,Q .351 r Qxflfff?-f 1 Wifely Comment He: One night while you were away, I heard a burglar. You should have seen me going downstairs three steps at a time. Unkind Wife: Where was he- on the roof? What Depressions Do Barber: You complain of our higher price for shaving, sir, but you must think of the extra labor. Customer: What extra labor? Barber: Well, sir, gents' faces have been longer. Son: Daddy, dear, are Hies flies because they Hy? - Daddy: I suppose so. Son: Are fleas fleas because they Hee? Daddy: Sure, what of it? Son: Well, I told teacher that bees are bees because they be. Bound To Laugh He: If I see anything funny, I'm simply bound to laugh. She: I say, you must find shaving a rather dangerous job. ' Johnson: My wife has been nursing a grouch all the week. Jackson: Is that so? I hadn't seen you around, but I didn't know you were laid, up. A ' llilli ' x 1 S. .071 ' X. MV . an , in An excellent chicken formed part of the dinner attended by two parsons. After dinner one of them noticed a cock strutting on the lawn, and re- marked, That bird seems very well pleased with himself. No wonder, said the host, con- sidering that one of his sons has just entered the ministry. Aunt Hetty: Sakes alive, I don't believe no woman could ever be so fat. Uncle Sy: What y' readin' now, Hetty? Aunt Hetty: Why, this paper tells about an English woman that lost two thousand pounds. An Enthusiastic Audience The Bore: I'm rather good at imi- tations. I imitate almost any bird you can name. She fstiiiing a yawnlz How about a homing pigeon? Can't Fool Him Farmer: You see, we've gone into truck-farming. Visitor: You canft fool me. You don't raise trucks: they come from a factory. , - - ' Traffic Jam? Mother: Betty, what are you mak- ing faces for now? I Betty: Oh, my teeth stepped on my tongue. I ' ' '