Galt Collegiate Institute and Vocational School - Specula Galtonia Yearbook (Galt, Ontario Canada)

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f SP5 Q vm. But then the captain spoke up and said, To you it may seem funny But we were just obeying orders, 'Cause you said 'tackle the dummy'. Chorus Swinging on the dummy, Underneath the tree, You and I together, How happy we will be. But there will be an undertaker Waiting there for me, When I'm through swinging on that dummy, Underneath the tree. .!. .v. .,. 4. ,xc CONVERSATION BETWEEN A TECHO AND A MATRICER fThe day after the Tech. Dept. presented its playl Techo- Say, We've got the pennant copped again this year. We had tigers' claws, and Chinamen, and revolvers and everything in ,our play. Why there was even a bat flying around up above. It didn't fly but it went back and forth. Matricer- Go back to the machine shop you monkey wrench. You haven't got a chance to Win the prize with that series of misrepresentations you called a play. Now take that play of ours for in- stance-there's a masterpiece for you. It had colour, feeling and depth. Techo- Yeah, it went down so deep it lost its self respect-that play of yours didn't have any action, excepting a guy jumping around like a clown. But he was just acting natural. The whole thing was just a bad case of delirium. And as far as machine shop goes, we at least take hold of things, all you guys do is juggle a lot of x's and y's around. And Latin, wow! You poor beggars look as if a steam-hammer had hit you when you come out of a period of that stuff. Matricer- Is that so? Well all you guys do is make a lot of 'holes in things and then plug them up again. What's more, I'll bet you couldn't find the locus of a point if it was on the end of your nose. Any half-wit can make a lot of noise if they let him loose in a machine shop with a lot of hammers and stuff. Techo- Oh, go and take three pills and pull out of the trance. ' Matricer- Go and hunt for a green diamond in a haunted house. Pk wk ,g Mr. Boyd to Cadets- Some of you boys have to shoot to-night and I want to get you all shot before six o'clock. 76 Mr. Boyd- A brave soldier is always found Where the bullets are the thickest. Now where would you be, Hughes? Hughes-?'In the ammunition wagon, 1 yn sir. at ak is Dad- How did you get along with your modern history exam? Son- It wasn't fair, they asked me about things that 'happened before I was born. 224 Pls P14 EXPERIMENT TO ILLUSTRATE THE THEORY OF STUDENTOLYSIS Required-Two studes, one attendance slip, one secretary, one principal. Method-Have one stude skip school, and the other stay home in order to at- tend grandfather's funeral. Observation-First stude Q18 years of age? borrows a dime and gets into the show on a kid's ticket. Second stude at- tends aforesaid funeral. Next day both names appear on slip. Both studes go to office. Both have forgotten notes. Secre- tary says studes must see principal. First stude says he was sick. Second stude says I had to attend my grand-father's funeral. Principal releases first stude, telling him to bring his note fwhich he does notl, and to second stude he says, Aha! a very likely story. You expect me to believe the old gag, eh ? Take a week's . . . Conclusion-Truth is stranger than fic- tion, and detention goes on forever. 34 bk ik THE SCOTCHMAN'S HINT Sandy and his lass had been sitting to- gether about half-an-hour in silence, Maggie, he said at length. Wasna I here on the Sawbath nicht? Aye, Sandy, I dour say you were. An' wasna I here on Monday nicht? Aye, so you were. . An' I was here on Tuesday nicht, an' Wednesday nicht an Thursday nicht, and Friday nicht? Aye, I'm thinking that's so. An' this is Saturday nicht and I'm here again. Well, what for no? I'm sure your very welcome. Sandy, desperately- Maggie, woman, dae ye nae begin to smell a rat ? ae wk wk THE FACE IN THE SPARE ROOM DOOR I 'happened one day to walk past the door, The clinking of coins came back from the floor, c Those solemn faces and gamblers' smiles, While the girls talked over the latest styles. Ig I , ., .e ,v G A. T.O.N ' A -1

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PAMTU 'l - .. UM A .A L Pnrrvs' Q UW Q 'WM mlb' O, I am stabbed with laughter. HE game opened with molasses at the stick and smallpox catching. Cigar was in the box with plenty of smoke. Horn was on first base and fiddle on second. Backed by corn in the field, he made it hot for umpire apple, who was rotten. Axe came to bat and chopped. Cigar let brick walk and sawdust filled the bases. Song made a hit and twenty made a score. Cigar went out and balloon started to pitch, but went up in the air, and then cherry tried it but was wild. Old ice kept cool in the game until. he was hit by the ball and then you ought to have heard' ice scream. Cabbage had a good head an-d kept quiet. Grass covered lots of ground and the crowd cheered when spider caught a fly in the field. Bread loafed on third and pumped organ who played' fast and put light out. In the fifth inning, wind began to blow about what he could do. Hammer started to knock and trees began to leave. The way they roasted peanuts was a fright. Knife was put out for cutting first base. Light- ning finished the game and struck out six men In the ninth, apple told vial to take his base and then song made another hit. Trombone made a slide and meat was out at the plate. There Was lots of betting on the game but soap cleaned up. The score was 1-0. Door said that if he had pitched he would have shut them out. fTaken from Specula, 1926.1 MIXED SIGNALS 'Twas a boiling afternoon, In the autumn of the year, The day before a strenuous game, And the team was full of fear. Every boy was in his uniform Running around with zest, The coach was on the campus Without his coat and vest. And he was yelling orders, And feeling pretty peevedg He said, You good-for-nothing bunch Have completely gone to seed. Pale, then, grew the players' faces, And roused was their ire, To them it seemed their honoured coach Was nothing but a liar. For then a catastrophe occurred, Before the public eye, When eighteen boys jumped on the coach, Who collapsed with bitter sigh. They carried 'him from off the field, With sad and muflled tread, For they believed that then and there, Their honoured coach was dead. But by means of fanning on his brow, And water o'er his head, The dear old coach came to at last, And this is what he said- With you many weary hours I've spent, In classroom and on field, And for you as far as I'm concerned, In Latin your doom is sealed. 75

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M P f 'PA RA 1-if N SPECULQA The chatter of Richmond was chins, the clicking of dice, betting and Scott raised his price. There was Red Dog and dice, euchre and poker, Dink held five aces, but Doug. held the joker. The Tecthos were fighting with 'lastic and lead, And the floor was strewn with the numer- ous dead. Latin and French were pushed under the chair. For everyone here was having a spare. All of a sudden the floor gave a creak, Then somebody hollered, Cheezitthebeak! Then all of a sudden a hush swept o'er, For there was the face in the Spare Room door. ' The face that we love will be there no more, 'Cause Joe's put a glass in the Spare Room door, So never more will that face disturb us And we can play without getting nervous. I.W.W. PARA TUS ' COMMERCIAL SARCASM At this time we would like to intimate that a commercial student is one who- Takes typing, to ease the flying fingers of a restless pair of hands. Takes bookkeeping, to learn what to do with a borrowed book. Takes law, to learn how much to tax the brain. Takes shorthand, to see how bad a piece of paper can be scribbled up. V xr T fe -- Takes stenography, to some day be the sole idol of some big button man frtm the vest. Takes office routine, to learn how to be self composed when called up on the mat. Takes spelling, to get the drift of that cat, rat, bat stuf. Takes writing, in -order to perfect the old man's signature. Takes rapid calculation, to juggle figures in a head that contains an undersized brain not used to such things. Takes economics, in order to be able to 1 ' low detect a slump in al 3.l'1CQ. 'ff X X IL GRIND E' Stud e vt . 77 5 it sscns to Uwe