Galt Collegiate Institute and Vocational School - Specula Galtonia Yearbook (Galt, Ontario Canada)

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74 SPECULA GALTONIA 's Yu, swf. 5... Cc? X x-4. l hx kk-x g bm Whse Ql,kPM'N0.le. Qorvne Ddong- Christopher Columbus HRISTOPHER C Chris J Columbus was born at home in 1492, with the spirit of adventure in his heart, which was the guiding hand in his life, when he Went to Italy and asked the queen, no, the landlord, for some jack and men, but was refused, so he went to France Where he asked the king to slip him some dough so that he could discover America, but he was turned down and told to go to queen Liz and ask her, but she gave 'him a cold shoulder and told him to beat it, which he did, going to Spain and asking the chief for some stock on margin, which proved to bring him in a Whole pile, with which he bought ships and fishing tackle and prisoners and one fine sunny morning as the sun rose benignly be- fore him, he set sail for the wide open spaces, hoping to find the back door to the Chinese laun- dry in Tokio, but as the time wore on his men got so bally sick of bobbing o'er the briny deep that they tried to throw him overboard, which they did, when a whale came along and swallow- ed him, no that ain't right either, until they came to a bunch of logs fioatin! around and birds sing- ing in the trees, so Chris knew he was there, so when they got past the logs and came to a shimmering bank of sand with nude niggers run- nin' about he got into a canoe and paddled, no, a, 04, A A cpm-.K Q, ,mn Y A 1' 9 '94 .492- ffs JA -N! if 14-D !', f ,J l I 1 f l I .lx rowed ashore and shook hands with everybody, wishing them a Merry Christmas and Saying lots of Y1iCe things when they gave him gold and diamonds for red necklaces so just before he sailed away with the bacon, he planted a flag in the mud and called the place Preston in fond memories of his boyhood years.

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SPECULA GALTONIA 73 immediately do. Dawson starts to laugh while Willy, our hero, yells Don't be a hypocrite. Dawson can be heard swallow- ing his pride in two big gulps. In the ensuing silence Walter begins to mouth open clear to his snore with his shoulder blades. J. N. Ramsay being in- quisitive cranks up his two-bit lighter and after 18 unsucessful shots finally gets a light by which he is able to discover the offender. But lo! there is Willy F.O.B. swiping Walter's dice, while he emits his bath-tub death throttle. Willy, quite un- abashed, pockets the dice mumbling that he will administer a week's detention upon the nex.t offence. Silence and darkness again reign su- preme except for Walter's gurglings. WILLY RICHMOND- Anybody any difficulties to-night? AGNES MCGILL- Where in the name of corrugated cuspidors did my pop put that switch of hair? MCINTOSH-Will this Spec ever get into circulation? MARGARET MCCALLUM-- Make Daw- son quit. JIMMY SCOTT- Who swiped my Trig.? STAHLSCHMIDT- Whe1-e's Midgley, he owes me two bucks? BETTY WOOLNER- Shall I ever be able to stand up and look over a church pew without cracking my neck? fir! MISCELLANEOUS Say, guy, this match won't light! Whatsmatter ? I dunno, it lighted all right a minute , D ago' av Why does a stork stand on one leg? I dunno. Try lifting both your own up and see what happens. His mother told him never to touch cigarettes again. Richmond uses a holder now. 214 all 111 What has an elephant got that a man hasn't? I'll bite. Baby elephants. :!: :Ez Who goes there? Nobody. 'Sfunny, I thought I heard something. J. N. RAMSAY- How can I become popular with the wimmen? LORNA McDONALD- Why did I ever come back to school? TEDDY HUDSON- Have you got a big cork around to fit Walter's mouth? It's doggone drafty here. WILLY then summons the responding spirit in the following manner- Right wing shift, insides back, 19, 24, 36, A, B, X, P, D, Q, hike, 42, 63, 91. Slowly but surely the door of the grandpop's clock swings open and there in the darkness can be seen the outline of Dink clothed in pyjamas and New Year's greetings. But as he slowly rounded Walter's end of the table to take up his position in a nearby milk bottle he trips over so1nebody's feet Cprobably Stahlschmidt'sJ. In the com- motion Fat wakes up and missing his dice and seeing Dink all at once he yells Is this a dagger that I see before me ? But the cautious Willy hearing footsteps on the stairway yells Cheesithebeak. One hour and two days have elapsed. We have a court scene conducted by Judge Roelofson. JUDGE- Richmond you stand in the witness box and say beep-lap for fifteen minutesf' RICHMOND- Aw heck I don't wanna. You know I don't like it. CContinued on page 643 Let's start up in the stove pipe busi- ness, huh ? Shel Sho! You supply the jack and I'll make the pipes. Yah, but you don't know how to make 'cmf' Sho, Why take a hole and wrap some tin around it. if fl: Ik Are you going to the T. N. Tea this afternoon ? No, but Dina might. Clipperton, talking of his native town, Streetsville, says that the buildings are so high there that they have to lie down on their stomachs to let the moon go past every time they go up on the roofs at night.

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SPECULA GALTONIA 75 Astronomy By MARK TIME T all began on the afternoon of the 31st February, in the year .036. I was seat- ed on my veranda playing I Spy with the girl I left behind me. It was a dark night and you could hardly see a mile in front of you. The leaves were turning black andblue, the li.ttle elephants in the trees were barking softly and as fast as the snow fell it was melted by the intense heat of the polar star. Suddenly I beheld foot steps and looking over my shoulder, as was the custom in those days, I beheld a weeping child. It was Davison. He gave me a letter which red - Dear - , Your next mission is to go to Africa with Lorriman and this boy Uimmyj in quest of a tri-angle worm. This worm for many years was extinct. Your employer, Dr. McSlaughter. P.S.-Get one with a right angle. Dr. MCS. We worked for weeks preparing for this great scientific adventure. Our dear friend Mr. Challen and his understudy Mr. Einstein, had carefully planned our course mathematically. We were to sail down the Grand river to the Dead Sea, across the U.S.A. by means of the Suez Canal into the Pacific and thence to South Afri- ca. Our Voyage was uneventful except for one incident. It had not rained for 3 days and the ocean was becoming quite shallow. I thought the dikes in Holland had brok- en down but Captain Ramsay assured me it was due to lack of rain. Suddenly the captain put on the brakes and the ship stopped with a jerk. I peered over the rail and there amid the trees not more than 13 ft. away fthis is historyj, was the Equator sticking about 3 feet out of the water. Then confusion broke out fit had been tied upl. People rushed here and there and back again. Lorriman had burst into song f?J for no reason at all and the wireless operator was sending out an S'.O.S. where O is a constant quantity. Suddenly the cook appeared with a pack- age of giant pop-corn which was used to blow a hole in the equator. When the explosion occurred a piece of equator about the size of a woozle-woozle bird, fell on the deck near me. I picked it up QI still have it if anyone cares to see ity and found it was a kind of solid liquid re- sembling plastic iron only altogether dif- ferent. We then sailed through the hole in the equator and soon reached Africa. We purchased a dog team at the near- est drug s.tore and set out into the in- terior. Later we arrived at the hilly part of the country called Hespeler--one of the haunts of the isosceles triangle worms. That morning before dark while seated around the camp fire eating, we heard lion's meow. Suddenly one leaped over a hedge, seized Davison and ran. I fired after him and missedg a second shot hit him in the same place but he ran away as if nothing had hit him. Ash said later that he could have warned Jim but he was chewing and didn't like to talk with his mouth full-Ash always was polite. The weather forecasts were poor, the weather man doubted if there would be any weather at all because the tempera- ture had fallen and broken a- leg. That night I remembered the words of Kipling - The oily boid gets de woim, so hardly had jolly, round Red Mr. Sun thrown off his nightcap and started his daily climb when we started out to capture one of the dreaded triangle worms. We hid behind a boulder and Ash began to sing. The effect was magical! Immed- iately everything grew still and only the ticking of the Galt Post Office clock could be heard. Soon a big triangle worm came gliding along, bent on finding out why anyone should be allowed to sing like that. When he was about 3-11!13 kilometres from the rock I jumped up and chased him. I ran so fast I soon passed him and then remembering the moral-never get ahead of the thing you are chasing-I turned around and started back. I was just in time to make a flying tackle at him before he entered his den. I caught him by one of his angles 14505 and quick- ly whispered in his ear two magic words Houdini told me. The worm quivered, sneezed and became quite tame. Then Lorriman rushed up and we led the worm away. A picture of the tri-angle-worm and its captors will appear in next m9nth's issue of the semi-annual weekly edition of the Specula. W. F. S.