Galt Collegiate Institute and Vocational School - Specula Galtonia Yearbook (Galt, Ontario Canada)

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SPECULA GALTONIA 43 CAES.-Un crocheted red armourj Do have some of this raspberry vinegar, it's nothing but dilute water. BRUTUS- Set honor in one hand and raspberry vinegar in rthe other, and I will look on both differently. BASS.- What says this old fool, ha ? fEnter a soothsayerl SOOTH.- Stand ho. BRUTUS- Whadayuwant ? SOOTH.- Beware St. Patrick's day. Chariot passes on. All are singing Sweet Adeline. SCENE IIIIII. fNearer Hespelerj Enter chariot, all singing. Enter Albert Brown, from opposite side. CAES.- Stay, Illusion. If thou hast any sound or voice, speak to me, what is your name ? BASS.- How big are your feet? BRUTUS Iifrom bottom of chariotj- Canst warble, varlet? BROWNIE-J'My name is Brown, sirs. I have very big feet, sirs. I am a second Caruso, sirs. BRUTUS- Proceed, proceed. BROWN IE- Friends, Romans, country- men, Send me your ears. Stop me if you've heard this one. lSings1 And my name is Pat McGee . . . BASS.- Oh! piteous spectacle! CAES.- O ye gods, ye gods, must I endure all this ? BASS.- Be gone, thou saucy fellow, run sto Rosalind's home, and tell her a poor, handsome suitor is coming. CAES.- Shall Caesar send a lie? Tell them knave, that we'll be there, Toot sweet with bocoo shecklesf' lExit Brownj ACT IVXMC ?, SCENE I In Rosalind's home. Rosalind, her fa- ther, and Hamlet, seated. Enter Puck l:Fairy:I. Pours Carbolic Acid on Hamlet's eyes. I'UCKj Now, Bassanio will be the fairest suitor in her eyes. IExit Puckj Enter Brutus, Caesar, Bassanio. H CAES.-fHanging his toga up on floorj Hpudy, Rosy! Houdy Hamy! I say, Hamy, weve brought a shiek along. His name 1S Bassanio. . HAM.- Does he want to marry Rosa- I1Ild?7, BASS.- Yath Thir. ROSALIND's FATHER Un a rag-ej- Well, I won't have that sl . . Hn this trying situation Bassanio is nonchalant. He lights a candle. HAM.- Sure, he can have her. BRUTUS- Let's go into the other room and leave these two here. lExit all but Bassanio and Rosalindj. BASS.- At last! We are alone! ROS.- Bassy, I love thee. bigifqlfasiiyigne hour 1atef! 'IS 00 my itsi ROS.- Does oo love oor ittle sweety sugar? I:And so, far, far into the nightj FINIS MORAL:-Never take anything for granted. -W.F.S. ae wk wk EGGSACTLY! If an Scand an I and an O and a U, With an X at the end, spell Sup And an E and an Y and an E spell I, Pray, what is a speller to do? Then if also an S and an I and a G And an H. E. D, spell cide- There's nofthing much left for a speller to do But go and commit Siouxeyesighed! A65 WHAT THEY SAY MISS WEATHERILL- Straight line there, girls! MISS PEDLOW- I just got started marking your papers when I was inter- rupted. MISS POOKE- Is that clear? MISS MUSGROVE- Surely you know better than that ? MRS. ROBINSON-- Please close 'the door, Hazel. MISS DUGGAN- Open order, centres passing, outward march! MR. DOIG- We still buy our groceries at the Red and White Stores. They de- liver!

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42 SPECULA GALTONIA NOW IT CAN BE TOLD Dunc is our school captain. He plays rugby because he looks nice in a uniform, and basketball so sthat he can get into the game free. In cadets he satisfies his childish glee by waving flags in the air. He looks nice in a Tuxedo but never wears it to school. Loves to dance with all the girls but never sends them Valentines. He likes apple pie, work and Latin but can't get the angle of Trigonometry. If he promises to meet you at eight he will meet you at ten but hates people who are late and never cares for people who tell jokes. Delights in smashing panes of glass and hopes some day to get in a pie- throwing contest. Since rugby season is over he gets more sleep and is now pult- ting on weight. 21134214 A REAL ANTIQUE JIM WARING- Say, George, what are you going to be ? GEORGE CHARLTON- A doctor, Jim. What are you going to be ? JIM WARING- An undertakerf' NOTE:-Suspect as is the vintage of most of the witticisms accorded the hos- pitality of lthese pages, in the case of the jest reprinted above we are upon sure ground. It goes back at least to the first century of the Christian era, and, in its present form, but feebly echoes this couplet of the Roman wilt, Martial: Nuper erat medicus, nunc est vispillo Diaulus: quod vispillo facit, fecerat et medicus. -Epigrams 1.47 Qpublished about 85 A.D.J With some diflidence We hazard the following translation: But late a quack, our friend is turned mortician- Peopling the vaults, as once did the physician. 344412 HOW JOLLY Great Scott! cried Lorna, and Brown added that Shirley she must be right, for Charlton is always Wright and he had said that Kemp had Fallen. Dot Shantz said she rthought it was the Bunk. But Walker while Walking through the Parkes had seen him, and Johnnie while carrying out the Ashes had called Malcolm here and see what I see. Warren while trying to find out the answer to the question, Isabelle necessary on a bicycle ? fMcCormick is going to McGill to find outb had also seen him. Skrkak POCKET HERCULES We stake great pleasure in announcing Jerome Dietrich's appointment to the cap- taincy of the Gym team. Henceforth our Julius fthe World's strongest little manb will be known as Captain Julius. f A Lesson in Shakespeare fln Several Tangled Actsl ACT I. SEEN I. Time: October of any year. Place: Not far from any place. Enter Bassanio and Brutus, on roller skates. BASS.- I tell you she's a queen. Her old man's rich and won't let her marry beneath her. BRUTUS- Come apace, good Bassy, I've a scheme. Let's away to Shylock's tepee. SCENE II-fShylock's Homej JESSICA fseated, knitting a scimitaril- Our house is hell. f1SEIYLOCK- Did you say something e . fEnter a servantj SER.- Brutus just rang the be1l. ' C Enter Brutusj BRUTUS- Holla, you clown. SHY.- Peace, fool, I'm not fthy kins- man. s BRUTUS- No, but see here, old man, I gotta borrow fifty sheckles three pence. Bassanio has a date with Rosalind. Can you do it ? SHYLOCK- Well, it's kinda hard to say, but I suppose I can raise ist. Come over on the umpteenthf' ACT II. SCENE 1. fOn the road to Hespeler, Rosa1ind's homej Enter Brutus, Bassanio, and Caesar, in a chariot drawn by jet white zebras.

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44 SPECULA GALTONIA ,q ! HSPECU TIONSH V01 ' ' ' ' ' 6 ' P6X1D3YI!'6N1V6N1VB1' ' ' ' I ' ' I W 5a PHILOSOPHY lElizabet'h M. Beattie speaketh ith Mr. Challen has won an unquestioned place among the martyrs. His daily greets ing to this form is an impotent Get to your proper places, class! Pk Ulf PF OO! LA! LA! MISS CARTER- What kind of a square did the Republicans form? ANDERSON fwith a Hash of geniusj- A triangle. R is is THE UNHOLY THREE Dipping into the future, I saw: Fat Anderson, balloon boy at the circusg Don. Airdale, a dog fancierg Albert Brown, lec- turing on Domestic Science after research work in Limburger pies. IF 14 as SALUBRIOUS SAYINGS MISS DUGGAN- Snap into it, class! MR. DONALDSON- What you need is a rattle. MR. MacLENNAN- You don't know as much as you did last year. MISS CORRAN- By reason 'of the fact that . . . gk sk as HEAVY GOING Our form held a skating party in the Galt Arena, the evening of January 19ith. The party was well chaperoned by ive teachers, and the ice was very good in spots. But, in spite of all these defects, we managed to enjoy ourselves greatly. After the skating we adjourned to the Grange for lunch. if ik at 5b EFFUSIONS fit Edgar Hudson: His Markj Fifth form girls fielded a combined softball .team last fall which was defeated in the semi-iinals after a three-game ser- ies by the Commercial Special girls. Bet- ter success attended the 5b girls' basket- ball team. Yes, we boast great football men, the SPECULA editor, and kindred curiosities. But our basketball team! The boys never had the same team on the floor twice, yet we stand at the top of the list-if you turn it upside down. We are optimists and out to win .the championship next year. Pk FK Dk SPONDULIC DIDACTICS Of 5b boys the poet sings, So this rhyme'll tell you many things. JIM WARING warbles long and loud, Of our deep-voiced singer we're very proud. Our other Jimmie's beauteous spats Make us all think him quite the cat's. A brilliant lad is MCINTOSH But to him Trig seems naught but bosh. ASHFORD, a boy with lots of pep, Maketh the SPECULA editors step. TED represents our form-5b- In breezy form news, as you see. GEORGE is the boy with the curly hair, For him the girls all have a flair. BENSON let his mustachios grow. Why did he not leave them so? REG is our strong and silent man, With bear's grease keeps his hair spick and span. EDITOR'S NOTE: We would say the above line is slightly hypermetric. CECIL's rich melodious voice Makes our hearts the more rejoice. DAVE is a cracker at doing Trig, For sine A plus B cares not a fig. Our HUME is surely double-jointed, Poems and speeches very pointed. LLOYD plans, according to scandal RIFE, To study Chemistry all his life. Were it not for DONALD's smiling face We all would feel quite out of place. I dinna ken what to say of oor J OCK, He's lost his Scotch accent but still likes to talk. A-t doing Virgil by the pound HOWARD's the best that can be found. Now of our damsels would I chant- EDITOR: Say, really, this has gone far enough.