Galt Collegiate Institute and Vocational School - Specula Galtonia Yearbook (Galt, Ontario Canada)

Page 52 text:

42 SPECULA GALTONIA NOW IT CAN BE TOLD Dunc is our school captain. He plays rugby because he looks nice in a uniform, and basketball so sthat he can get into the game free. In cadets he satisfies his childish glee by waving flags in the air. He looks nice in a Tuxedo but never wears it to school. Loves to dance with all the girls but never sends them Valentines. He likes apple pie, work and Latin but can't get the angle of Trigonometry. If he promises to meet you at eight he will meet you at ten but hates people who are late and never cares for people who tell jokes. Delights in smashing panes of glass and hopes some day to get in a pie- throwing contest. Since rugby season is over he gets more sleep and is now pult- ting on weight. 21134214 A REAL ANTIQUE JIM WARING- Say, George, what are you going to be ? GEORGE CHARLTON- A doctor, Jim. What are you going to be ? JIM WARING- An undertakerf' NOTE:-Suspect as is the vintage of most of the witticisms accorded the hos- pitality of lthese pages, in the case of the jest reprinted above we are upon sure ground. It goes back at least to the first century of the Christian era, and, in its present form, but feebly echoes this couplet of the Roman wilt, Martial: Nuper erat medicus, nunc est vispillo Diaulus: quod vispillo facit, fecerat et medicus. -Epigrams 1.47 Qpublished about 85 A.D.J With some diflidence We hazard the following translation: But late a quack, our friend is turned mortician- Peopling the vaults, as once did the physician. 344412 HOW JOLLY Great Scott! cried Lorna, and Brown added that Shirley she must be right, for Charlton is always Wright and he had said that Kemp had Fallen. Dot Shantz said she rthought it was the Bunk. But Walker while Walking through the Parkes had seen him, and Johnnie while carrying out the Ashes had called Malcolm here and see what I see. Warren while trying to find out the answer to the question, Isabelle necessary on a bicycle ? fMcCormick is going to McGill to find outb had also seen him. Skrkak POCKET HERCULES We stake great pleasure in announcing Jerome Dietrich's appointment to the cap- taincy of the Gym team. Henceforth our Julius fthe World's strongest little manb will be known as Captain Julius. f A Lesson in Shakespeare fln Several Tangled Actsl ACT I. SEEN I. Time: October of any year. Place: Not far from any place. Enter Bassanio and Brutus, on roller skates. BASS.- I tell you she's a queen. Her old man's rich and won't let her marry beneath her. BRUTUS- Come apace, good Bassy, I've a scheme. Let's away to Shylock's tepee. SCENE II-fShylock's Homej JESSICA fseated, knitting a scimitaril- Our house is hell. f1SEIYLOCK- Did you say something e . fEnter a servantj SER.- Brutus just rang the be1l. ' C Enter Brutusj BRUTUS- Holla, you clown. SHY.- Peace, fool, I'm not fthy kins- man. s BRUTUS- No, but see here, old man, I gotta borrow fifty sheckles three pence. Bassanio has a date with Rosalind. Can you do it ? SHYLOCK- Well, it's kinda hard to say, but I suppose I can raise ist. Come over on the umpteenthf' ACT II. SCENE 1. fOn the road to Hespeler, Rosa1ind's homej Enter Brutus, Bassanio, and Caesar, in a chariot drawn by jet white zebras.

Page 51 text:

SPECUDAGALTONMA M LJALl.!islUs24U!LlLQ4lfL9slk.VJl!4lL!iJl!!.:! A A A A 4 4 4 4 A 4 4 4 A A 4 A A A 4 4 A A A A A A A A A A A A A A 2. fl E MIRTH and FULLY I O Q LE Rmmmmmmwnwwfiwwwwiviimwiwwsiwi Staff Popularity Contest XTRA! Extra! Extra! The Specula Galtonia's popularity contest. Opens now. Male members of the staff only eligible. Teacher may nominate him- self. Personal appearance does not count. It is not necessary to be an Apollo Belve- dere to win. Mr. Tancock won it last year. What he can do you can do. Are you popular? Show the students your true position on the campus. Remember only one wins the prize. This betters your chance. Enter now. Take advantage of the opportunity. Listen to what the following men who have already entered say: MR. CHALLEN- I think it is a good thing for the Galt C. I. I am heartily in favour of it. I know I will win: my class thinks so, too. They have already cast their votes for me. They will do so again if they can get away with it. MR. McKEE- Mr, Challen stands no chance. I am popular. What's more, I know I am. Anybody knows that. I'm not worrying. MR. McKAY- The ignorant are always sure of themselves. What we need is for the educated classes to take a little more interest. Once they Wake up it will be a walkaway for me. MR. DONALDSON- My students have told me ,that I am the best liked man on the campus. I agree with them. I will take your votes. MR. DOIG.- In the long run supply equals demand. I feel as though I need a few more votes. To avoid a panic- MR. MacLENNAN-- Pm not afraid of the men. I need the girls' vote. MR. HAMILTON- The first form will vote for me. So will the second, third, fourth, and fifth-but I donit know about the staff. A-2 DOLCE FAR NIENTE MR. CHALLEN Cseeing Snelgrove talk- ing to Betty!- What are you doing, Snel- grove ? SNELGROVE- Nothing I am just listening to you. ' ill 1 8 DID YOU KNOW THAT In Lightnin' Miss Sabine said, Thanks for the .Buggy Ride, to Mr. Hamilton? The only reason Herbert wasn'rt in. the Magic Ruby was because they didn't need a devil? Miss Rehder didn't need to be prompted once while playing in Lightnin'. This fall, when Bill Richmond shot a deer, he said, There's another deer fallen for me ? ' Miss McLachlan's secret ambition is to read a dime novel? ASKING FOR IT MR. DOIG- Walker, will you give me your opinion of this? WALKER- It's absolutely worthless. MR. DOIG- Yes, Everybody knows your opinion is worthless but I want it just the same. 41218 DEPARTMENTAL DITTY We hear that they are going to produce a new moving picture called Exams, We suppose the theme song will be, That's My Weakness Now. llllllll DON CHIASTIC Iredale says maybe he can't square a circle but he can circle a square.

Page 53 text:

SPECULA GALTONIA 43 CAES.-Un crocheted red armourj Do have some of this raspberry vinegar, it's nothing but dilute water. BRUTUS- Set honor in one hand and raspberry vinegar in rthe other, and I will look on both differently. BASS.- What says this old fool, ha ? fEnter a soothsayerl SOOTH.- Stand ho. BRUTUS- Whadayuwant ? SOOTH.- Beware St. Patrick's day. Chariot passes on. All are singing Sweet Adeline. SCENE IIIIII. fNearer Hespelerj Enter chariot, all singing. Enter Albert Brown, from opposite side. CAES.- Stay, Illusion. If thou hast any sound or voice, speak to me, what is your name ? BASS.- How big are your feet? BRUTUS Iifrom bottom of chariotj- Canst warble, varlet? BROWNIE-J'My name is Brown, sirs. I have very big feet, sirs. I am a second Caruso, sirs. BRUTUS- Proceed, proceed. BROWN IE- Friends, Romans, country- men, Send me your ears. Stop me if you've heard this one. lSings1 And my name is Pat McGee . . . BASS.- Oh! piteous spectacle! CAES.- O ye gods, ye gods, must I endure all this ? BASS.- Be gone, thou saucy fellow, run sto Rosalind's home, and tell her a poor, handsome suitor is coming. CAES.- Shall Caesar send a lie? Tell them knave, that we'll be there, Toot sweet with bocoo shecklesf' lExit Brownj ACT IVXMC ?, SCENE I In Rosalind's home. Rosalind, her fa- ther, and Hamlet, seated. Enter Puck l:Fairy:I. Pours Carbolic Acid on Hamlet's eyes. I'UCKj Now, Bassanio will be the fairest suitor in her eyes. IExit Puckj Enter Brutus, Caesar, Bassanio. H CAES.-fHanging his toga up on floorj Hpudy, Rosy! Houdy Hamy! I say, Hamy, weve brought a shiek along. His name 1S Bassanio. . HAM.- Does he want to marry Rosa- I1Ild?7, BASS.- Yath Thir. ROSALIND's FATHER Un a rag-ej- Well, I won't have that sl . . Hn this trying situation Bassanio is nonchalant. He lights a candle. HAM.- Sure, he can have her. BRUTUS- Let's go into the other room and leave these two here. lExit all but Bassanio and Rosalindj. BASS.- At last! We are alone! ROS.- Bassy, I love thee. bigifqlfasiiyigne hour 1atef! 'IS 00 my itsi ROS.- Does oo love oor ittle sweety sugar? I:And so, far, far into the nightj FINIS MORAL:-Never take anything for granted. -W.F.S. ae wk wk EGGSACTLY! If an Scand an I and an O and a U, With an X at the end, spell Sup And an E and an Y and an E spell I, Pray, what is a speller to do? Then if also an S and an I and a G And an H. E. D, spell cide- There's nofthing much left for a speller to do But go and commit Siouxeyesighed! A65 WHAT THEY SAY MISS WEATHERILL- Straight line there, girls! MISS PEDLOW- I just got started marking your papers when I was inter- rupted. MISS POOKE- Is that clear? MISS MUSGROVE- Surely you know better than that ? MRS. ROBINSON-- Please close 'the door, Hazel. MISS DUGGAN- Open order, centres passing, outward march! MR. DOIG- We still buy our groceries at the Red and White Stores. They de- liver!