Furman University - Bonhomie Yearbook (Greenville, SC)

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To whom it may concern: My name is Putto with dolphin. For the continuation of your culturation (CLP). 1 was created in 1470 by Verrochio in Florence. Italy. I am a magnificent 27% M high and made of cast bronze. My residence is a fountain in the middle of Furman’s illustrious rose garden. I bet you have all wondered at some time or another who is instrumental in bringing a lighter side to life at this hallowed university, especially in light of the notorious security here. So anyone who could manage to be accepted into this place should have the sense to know it was an undercover agent. Well, since this is your 150th birthday, it’s about time fora little true confessions. Besides. I’m tired of all you guys getting credit for something you didn't have the brains to imagine. Remember the horseshoes galloping into the front gate, well we have to keep up with the tiger paws down the road. So. me and my trusty can of paint... you wouldn't believe the horse 1 had to get to model. By the way. who's the jerk that paved over my masterpiece? You think that's all I've done? One of my best happened during a Fall convocation when a sign strategically dropped behind the speaker — BRAD MITCHUM NEEDS A DATE TO HOMECOMING”. Pretty classy, huh? Yeah, well I don't work alone, you know. My dolphin and I have been partners for years. After we received a message” he helped me move the pinball machines out of the student center. What a job! Dolphins don't have much fin-strength, you know. And why do you think those Citadel cadets only did $2,000 dollars worth of damage — what would you do if a nude bronze statue came flying at you? I made their crew cuts stand on end. Their only defense was a wet paint brush. My deepest thanks to the maintenance department forgiving mea bath. And while I'm on the subject. I did appreciate you frat boys who brought me a television to watch. The least you could have done was to turn it on so I could catch Shock Theatre. And to those of you who think it's cute to decorate my bronze body with some of your absurd personals then you’re mistaken. I was intended to be nude or else Verrochio would have made the necessary alterations. I hope I have made myself perfectly clear. Hey listen, it’s quite a trip to live in the rose garden. The things I have seen and heard! And I'm not talking about the mob after dinner trailing to the PO. It s those late hours when you guys make the moves on the girls around here. The stuff they fall for... I get my kicks from rustling bushes and impersonating voices. And you say there’s no social lifeat Furman. So. now you know. And all this time you actually thought someone less conspicuous was responsible. If anyone is interested in my services, wages are negotiable and my office isopen between the hours of one and seven A.M. This won’t be the last you'll hear of me. In all due respect— Putto with dolphin P.S. Don't forget to sign your CLP cards and drop them in the fountain on your way by. 9