Furman University - Bonhomie Yearbook (Greenville, SC)

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FTthe- bonhomie The Conquest of Knowledge OCR years ago, towards the approach of that season whose days the ports have termed the “saddest of tin year.” a group of some seventy-five young men came to Furman, a country ruled over by a high and mighty potentate called Edwin. These men had gathered in response to a proclamation which had gone out from the court of Edwin, and which besought the youth of the surrounding districts and principalities to “come over into Macedonia and help us.” That is to say, Edwin, upon the advice of his Faculty—which is, being interpreted, his Privy Council—had issued a call for volunteers to enlist in his armies, in order that he might begin a carefully planned campaign against bis eternal enemy, Knowledge. Now Knowledge ruled the most extensive, the most fertile fields on the continent and it bad long been Edwin’s desire to win these rich holdings for bis own republic. And, indeed, through many vigorous campaigns he bad conquered not a little of his enemy’s realm and bad added it to bis own domains. Upon their arrival at Chapel, the capital of Furman, the above-mentioned young men were immediately enlisted by a process called matriculation, and. having received all necessary equipment from the quartermaster, who, however, was called Bursar, they were initiated into the plans of the campaign. But their rural souls longed, amid the clash f armor, for the quietude and tranquility of the life they had left behind. Indeed, the rudeness of the Sophomore regiment did not aid any in dispelling the loneliness f these new men. who were now called the Freshman Regiment. Their Colonel was a man of much strength, however, and under his leadership the Freshmen were determined to endure all bravely. At last all was ready and with four regiments Edwin and his staff set out on their campaign in the Fall of 1011. The recruits under able generals invaded the provinces of Math, English, History, Physics, Latin, Greek, Bible, and German and enriched thcnisclves with the fat of the land. Some few, however, were slain by the enemy, who had fortified themselves well with theorems, moods, tenses, chronologies, and great bodies called masses. .lust ns the campaign was being crowned with success, though, a terrible plague called graduation broke out and took off the entire Senior regiment. Edwin was thereupon compelled to withdraw. During the next two years the recruits developed into able soldiers and were assigned more difficult strategic movements involving the invasion of

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F)'THEr BONHQMI t Skkioii

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TTTH fr BONHOM IET% •such strongly protected districts as Logic, Psychology, Chemistry, and French. Again Edwin was successful, but at last, at the battle of Commencement, his •Senior regiment was practically annihilated. Likewise the next campaign was terminated by another battle on the Plains of Commencement in which, among his other losses, Edwin’s Senior regiment was cut to pieces. The Junior regiment, thanks to the leadership of Colonel Campbell in 1912 and Colonel Watts in 1913. had been quite successful, and now became the Senior regiment. 'l'he following campaign was somewhat delayed by failure to complete all necessary preparations in the time planned, but finally it was entered upon. The Seniors, under Colonel Martin, were directed to subdue the districts of Astronomy. Ethics, Biology, Geology, Philosophy and Political Science. This was the most diflicult task of all. but the outcome was a fortunate one. Knowledge was soon conquered and wished terms of peace. Edwin returned with great joy and was received with loud acclaim bv the populace. A magnificent celebration was arranged in the capital. Edwin paraded the streets in academic processions, which were comprised of all his armies, the Senior regiment, the heroes of the occasion, being clad in festal robes. Then, as a culmination of three days of festivity, Edwin did call an assembly of all his subjects and did deliver a mighty address to those present. Having finished sounding the praises of the now famous Seniors, he proceeded to decorate with gold medals many of that regiment who had distinguished themselves on the field of battle. Then, after proclaiming the successful subjugation of Knowledge, he did present his Seniors, reduced through the long struggle to half their original number, with certificates of honorable dismissal. Thus the ceremonies were ended and on the following day the Senior regiment left Furman and returned once more to the pursuits of peace.