Framingham High School - Philomath Yearbook (Framingham, MA)

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12 three quick knocks and two slow ones, the door opened and the man slipped two dol- lars to Dirk, saying, joe sent me. Here was the answer to my question of how he could afford those glamorous waitresses. Wliile waiting for my dinner to be served, I put a nickel in the juke box and listened to the melodious strains of Slap Her Down Again, Paw, sung by jolm Zmzellfz, the ragtime cowboy, accompanied by that famous pianist from Carnegie Hall, jolm Ezeiifzzz and his geometrically ar- ranged orchestra. Just as I finished my meal, in walked Lennie Drew and Rzmly Slzzrtlvj, those two brilliant students who had just graduated from the Sam Houston Institute of Technology. Lennie told me that he and Rudy had just invented a pair of galvanized galoshes, which are guaran- teed to protect you from being struck down by lightning. I also learned from him that Betty Bfzrrlay and Wfilllfzm Reazrrlozz, both former mayors of Saxonville who had been exiled to Mars when the Roundheads took over, were now working as ushers in Lozzir Pigffy Tripoli Tambourine Theatre and that night besides the regular show featur- ing those Sirens of Song and Dance, Rally SlJlZIIg!Jl1L'.U 1', Shirley Poffer, I tene McPhee, and julie lVIc'A11zzlly, they would have as guests those two hockey stars, Tom Mizzlzleiz and Lloyfl Nolan, who would tell how they, single-handed, had won the championship for the Mugging Mudturtles of Mars. After much discussion, I finally per- suaded the boys to go to the basketball game between Athens High, coached by Sjrero Nlelegor, and Natick High. Spero had had offers from almost every big high school on Earth, but unfortunately he wanted to coach a team that was out of this world. Incidentally his team's won and lost record was ninety-two and two, being beaten twice by F.H.S. jolw Moore, the assistant coach, later informed me that Spero had used fourth-string subs in those THE PHILOMHTH games because he couldn't bear to see his old alma mater lose. We waddled up to the box office on our knees, but unfortunately the sharp eyes of ticket seller june Clmppell spotted my jerry Colonna moustache and we had to buy adult tickets, which we gave to col- lector Nlary Malloy. Since there were a few minutes to spare before referee Bob Foley blew the whistle starting the game, we blended in with the crowd, watching Shirley Bligb give a punching bag demon- stration. She claimed that Brown and Horton's was the only store that sold a bag which punched back when you hit it. Tired of seeing Shirley beaten up by the punching bag, we went to our seats. Soon all the celebrities began appearing. First Nmdimi BI'llll6fffl, the opera star of Duffy's Tavern, came in with Phil, and a few min- utes later Kfzfberizze Rozzrreazz, the actress, fresh from her success in The Iceman Had Red Hair, came in with Howie. I heard a long-drawn whistle, and turning around, I saw Powers' model Roralie Tre- flerm saunter in leading Eddie on a leash. The press was also represented by Gloria Il7tzg.rIfzjf, the editor of The Inmates' Wailer, formerly The Student Crier, and her side-kick photographer, Harriet Wmzl, They were interviewing that lum- ber mill tycoon, Cailyerifze Timnzazfzi, and it was a work of art the way they did it. As Gloria asked questions, Arla Gmmlovzi took Catherines replies down in short- hand and passed the sheet to typist Tlaelfmz Wflalflzzg, who after typing it, sent it im- mediately to the composing room by car- rier Pigeon. All this time Harriet had been snapping pictures. just then usher Merle Golflnzmz gently tapped me on the shoulder with a baseball bat and informed me that a message had come from Earth saying that an event of great importance was about to happen and that I should leave immediately. I rushed to my rocket ship and took off.

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THE PHILOMHTH Will lass Qropbecy It has been said that Time and tide wait for no man. In this case, however, the situation seems to be entirely reversed, for before you can say Herman Shwartz is a schmoe we find ourselves in 1958. I climbed into my rocket ship and took off for Mars. I was going to get a candy bar. fPun.j Ten years ago this trip would have been thought impossible, but we fool- ish mortals had not reckoned with the mental prowess of those two brilliant physicists, Marie Calabrere and Eilo Bar- barlora. Not only have these two per- fected the rocket ship and corrected an error in the calendar, thus giving us seven- ty-two hours a day, but Edo has also learned how to make the eight ball on the break without scratching, Two big business tycoons, Allarz Hawks and Wil- liam Sizozv. quick to realize the possibilities of rocket ship travel, had opened a fac- tory for producing these planes. Since this was the first factory of its kind, it had, under the management of Frances Higgins and Elairze Berioiz, surpassed all previous records of manufacturing rocket ships. Turning on the automatic pilot, I settled back to listen to my favorite radio pro- gram, Hjust Plain Taloola, starring Mariorz MacLeod as Taloola with Bob Larzgfry as her witty husband, Moe Suddenly the commercial, advertising Mary Cd1'l50lI,J Kelley green pills, was in- terrupted to bring us an important news bulletin. Flash! Bad Lorig'5 new book, Tbe Gay Caballero or My Weekerid Aa'- rferzlares at tbe Clab, had just been banned in Boston. The program continued with- out further interruption, and soon the wrestling match between Vita Diana, the woman champ managed by Rirbara' Baz- zell, and Beverly Lezferzrorz, the challenger, was being broadcast. It was rumored that Bev would emerge the victor because she had been instructed in the art of judo by that famous trainer and ex-marine, George jobriioii. Unfortunately I had forgotten to take Pazil Abloriililt and Bezferly Mr- Vay'5 new drink, Ne Dormez Pas, which is guaranteed to keep you awake, and so I did not know what the outcome of the match was. I awoke just as the landing strip on Mars became visible. Glancing at my watch, I found it had stopped, but I guessed that the trip had taken approximately ten hours because I had had five o'clock shadow twice. As I made my way toward the factory, whom should I meet but Doris Ariilersorz and Rayrrzoizrl Czzririirigbaru. They ex- plained to me that they were looking for a suitable place on Mars to build another shopping center, but they had decided it would be better to look for a place on some other planet since Fran Meriz.ri'.t gigantic Framingham Store, with its efficient sales staff of Arzrze Allerz, faire Clark, Lorraine DeCicco and jo Freeilrrzarz. was monopolizing the business in women's clothing, and that Grantls, under the able supervision of Marjorie Grover, was mo- nopolizing the department store business. Wliile we were talking, who should stroll by but Alice Hollamler and fthat's rightj jo Baxile. Both were pushing carriages in which sat two of the cutest tykes I have ever seen. One was twirling a baton and the other was playing catch with a bowling ball. just then I remembered I hadn't eaten that day, so I stopped in at Dick Cox'r res- taurant. There wasn't a soul in the place, so I wondered how he could afford four such lovely waitresses as Marjorie Colp, Irerze Garzfirz, Do! Dakai and Ami Crorzaiz. just then a tough-looking man came in and went directly to the back room. After

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THE PHILOMHTH Hoping to find out what this event was, I turned on the radio in time to get the last part of a news Hash which was as follows: Police Chief forephine Tarnhollio has just found an unidentified man in the Sud- bury River with a block of cement fastened to his legs. His arms were broken in three places and his head had been twisted so that he was looking backwards. Foul play is suspected. Making use of my two-way radio, I called the police station, but I could hardly believe my ears when I was told the news that had amazed the world. After ten years, Vinny Pearl was at last graduating! I landed my rocket ship and ran to Bill Ahlona'i'i' house to tell him the news. When I revived him, I found that he also had something to tell me. WILLIAM GEORGE. After meeting Bill George, I went into Al's Heavenly Emporium, which boasted sixteen barbers, and a girl for every chair. No sooner had I stepped through the door, than Al Collotta grabbed me by the arm and threw me into a chair. Between cuts from his chipped razor and jabs from the manicure girl, who was Priscilla Gahrn, I learned something of my old classmates. It seems that Loaii Perri, Dick Golelrick, and Big Etl Balhoni had control of all the barrooms and bookie shops on Hollis and Waverly Streets, and were slowly squeezing the competition out of Saxonville. Their biggest establishment, The Roundup, advertised as positively the last week of Carolyn Coyne, the Queen of Burlesque. Frank lThis-gun-for-hirej Mangini, was their trigger-man in charge of collecting debts, and throwing bombs. I also learned that foe Toiti had a super deluxe, self- service gas station. Customers get their own supplies, and girls on roller skates collect sales. Heading the list of roving collectors were Theresa Franchi, Mary 1' 'ff 13 Ann Lereille, Gorila Loorner, and Lonife Pellegrini. ' When Al ranout of gossip, I picked up a paper and almost dropped as I read that Betty Maea7er's campaign to annex Hollis- ton to Framingham was successful, and that Gloria Sjtieigel, Framingham's Mayor, was sending two representatives, Peter Botazzi and Allen Morini, to investigate possibilities. I noticed that Frank Grange, America's foremost pianist, was now ap- pearing at the Met. Finally having been shaved, manicured, and clipped for a buck, I stepped out into the bustling street and saw Francer McCarthy, Commander of the Police- woman's Department, giving Dorothy Ber- tolino a ticket for going too fast in het doughnut truck. I started to walk across the street when someone pulled me back just in time to see Kay Lazfin, of the Lavin Truck Co., drive over the spot where I had been standing. I thanked my rescuer, Billy Allen. Talking to Billy, I learned that he and Will Roasrean were operating a pool-parlor with an opium room in the back. Also, that jim Hanlon was burning up both leagues in baseball, with fifty home runs and a batting average of 427, and joe Coco was the nation's highest money-making jockey. After talking with Billy for a while, I started to walk by the park and saw Rita johnron, Geraltline Hunter, Margaret Carley, and Phyllis Chiprnan standing in a crowd. I investigated and found that Dirk Conilon was standing on a soap box, tell- ing in long drawn-out words why we should vote for joan Daniels as Framing- ham's representative to Congress. How- ever, finznzy Gaziin and Phil Dyer, mem- bers of the efficient police force, came along, and dispersed the crowd. Strolling farther up the street, I saw Riehy Macrelli, struggling young engineer, supervising a group of men, some of whom I recognized as Leon Marrh, Henry Norton, and Toni