Farmington High School - Laurel Yearbook (Farmington, ME)

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THE LAUREL 21 World Famous Orator! Miss Ida Merry will deliver a series of orations on The Corruptness of Sports at the Methodist Church, Farmington, Maine. Social Gatherings! The Fairbanks Sewing Circle will meet with Miss Olive Whitney and Miss Ellen Bunnell next Tuesday at 3:00. This will be the most elaborate festivity of the sea- son. New Math. Book Published! Miss Caroline McCu1ly has just pub- lished a new Math. book, this is said to involve no work whatever for the student. It leaves all for the teacher to do. Too- bad she couldn't have invented it in 1930. Farmington Morton Motor Company Hires New Saleswoman Miss Ruth Weymouth is the new sales- lady at Morton Motor Co. She sold 500 cars last week. What 's the craze for Chevrolets all of a sudden?? Shakespearian Actor Hurt as Motors Crash! New York - Famous Shakespearian Actor, Aubrey Parker, was 'hurt as his motor crashed with another on Fifth Avenue today. Doctors say it is not seri- -ous and that he will soon be out of the hospital. Famous Talkle Star to Wed Country Lass Mr. Donnell Ryan, famous talkie star, is to wed a girl from his home town, way back in Farmington, Me. Hollywood is quite upset about it, especially the females. VVe wish them happiness! Stop! Look! Listen! Tlhe noted moving picture actress, Miss Dorothy Haines, is doing a remarkable piece of work in her new picture, The Man from Milwaukee l So realistic is her work that it has caused great comment among the critics. WHAT THE AUTOMOBILE WOULD HAVE WRITTEN IF IT COULD HAVE WRITTEN MARCH 31. Well, I have my new brake linings and new number -plates on and have been all painted and polished up. April 2. The sun 'has shone all day and what a shame to think my master didn't even take me out, so I could show my new coat of paint. April 6. It 's been raining today and the dhildren have been out here tooting my horn, opening and shutting my doors, and putting their dirty fingers all over me. But of course they don't know how they hurt my feelings. April 9. The children didn't come out today, and I am glad. April 30. Today my master and his wife came out, but 'his wife refused to drive me until I was cleaned and polished. I don't care mulch if slhe doesn't take me outg for she may run me up against a tree and bend my mud guard. May 25 The Mrs. drove me around the block today with no accidents. You ought? to have seen the people stop and look at me. May 7. The Mrs. took me out today. She drove faster than she did yesterday. But then I do like to show my speed. took me out today and was driving awful fast came around a corner 5 May 10. Slhe Whang-Ol She and another car she tried to steer me around it, but drove me into an electric light post, and turned me over. May 11. What a wreck I am. My mas- ter came out and said I was only good for junk. Well, well, I am only a Tin Lizzie and probably mas-ter will buy a Lady now. Alma Pillsb-ury, '32. Should a fellow propose to his girl on his knee? Yes, he must, or she must get off.

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THE LAUREL 23 REMARKABLE SQANDALS REVEALED! ADVICE GIVEN! QUESTIONS ASKED! N making this report we have gone through police records, histories, newspapers, and even the book of the future has been peeped at in the per- spective. We lhope that if anyone's face burns upon reading this, it will be because of a guilty conscience. We, hereby, humbly sulbmit these sad details. NIARION FELLows Past- Look out, Marion, you know that you came very near being sent up be- fore the Student Council for speeding in the corridors f?j. Present-You are hereby warned that you had better clean the chewing gum off your desk. Future-Marion will soon be a star and making a great success in Soft Noises , the hilarious Broadway Night-Club Show. VIRLIE RANGER Past-We wondered if there were any- thing serious about your joy-riding in that Ford Coupe . Present-You had better be careful, Virlieg Christine has been looking at you with the green eyes of jealousy. Is it be- cause you stole her best beau P Future-Ten years from now, you will be making your ninth attempt, in court, to get your eighth husband to pay alimony. HERBERT PRESTON Past-Was some vagrant reminiscence of her the cause of your endless mirth while in school? Present-We advise you not to inhale too much face powder or consume too much lipstick, if you wish to gain weight. Future-Twenty years from now: We will hear that H. Preston has purchased an omnibus to transport his fiance, who is The Fat Lady in the talkie hit, The Scamp and the Fat Woman . SAYWARD Ross Past-We are sure your neighbors closed tlheir windows when you used to practice your five-linger exercises. Present--You are the renowned Paderewski of illustrious F. H. S. Future-Y ou will make a name as the composer of The Lark Comes Home . MARY OTIs Past-VVere you ever jealous of any F airbanksite ? Present-Is the reason for your violin talent because you live near the Devil's Elbow? Future-The most embarrassing mo- ment in your future will be when you make your debut as a concert violinist in Milan, Italy, when you discover that you have left your rosin in Fairbanks. HAROLD KEMPTON Past--Had you only meandered up a certain street you 'd have seen someone mighty like a certain 1'utlzlcs.s' blond. Present-You are the type blondes fall for. Future-You will come down from your airy iheights and 'be our Oracle of Style. DONALD PIERCE Past-A Ford rushed by VV'hirling pedestrians to the sky 3 Who was it? Don Pierce. Present-Tell us the secret of 'being a Sheik. Future-Read in the sports section of the Portland Telegram fifteen years hence: Mrs. Donald Pierce won the Rolling-Pin Contest, throwing the pin 99 yards. Mr. Pierce won the Hundred Yard Dash for married men. ROBERT WHITE, JR. Past-Have you one? Present-Keep away from tlhey are fruthless. tall men,