Fairport High School - Hourglass Yearbook (Fairport, NY)

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THE HoUR GLASS 23 and all at our certain request and direction, drafted by Alberta Young and Gordon Williams, Attorneys-at-Law, Fairport High School Building, Fairport, New York. IN WITNESS WHEREOF, We have hereunto subscribed our name and set our seal on this twenty-second day of April, in the year of our Lord, one thousand nine hundred and twenty-nine. QSEALD Signed: SENIORS OF 1929. ATT ESTATION: We, whose names are hereto susbcribed, do CERTIFY THAT, on this twenty-second day of April in the year of our Lord, one thousand nine hundred and twenty-nine, in the village of Fairport, New York, the above testators, Seniors of 1929, subscribed the foregoing instrument in our presence and in the presence of each of us, and at the same time they declare the instru- ment to be their LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT, and we, at their request and in the presence of them and each other, have signed our names hereto as attesting wit- nesses and furthermore we certify that at the time of subscribing the instrument, the said testators were of extremely sound mind and memory. Signed: JULIUS CAESAR, Ist Witness. GARY COOPER, 2nd Witness HERBERT HOOVER, 3rd Witness The Trial The scene was a crowded court room in New York City, in the year of 1955. An expectant hush fell over the crowd as the judge entered. He was an old man, but his hair had not yet turned gray. He towered above his companions, and his handsome face lit with pleasure as he recognized some of his friends in the audi- ence. This good man was judge Hannan, L.L.D., an old graduate of Fairport High School. The judge sat down, and called for order. What is the first case? he asked the clerk, Herbert Gazley, in his deep voice. lt is the case of the people against William Packard, your Honor, replied the clerk. What is the charge P He is charged with assault, third degree, upon his wife, formerly Irene Rain- bow. Call the jury, directed judge Hannan. Twelve true and upright people started to pass before the prosecuting attor- ney, who was none other than Harold Van Norman. The first juror was Paul Gears, the big bath tub manufacturer. He passed into the jury box, then came Emily Morrison. What is her occupation ? asked the prosecuting attorney, of the clerk. She is the famous doctor who discovered the use of radium to cure broken arches. Her sister, Margaret, assisted her in this great'work, was the reply. Next came the Honorable Charles Miller, former Ambassador to Afganastan, while Raymond Tolhurst was President of the United States.

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22 THE HOUR GLASS I 37. To Dave Hodgson We give Hank Van Norman's ability to handle Women. 38. We will and bequeath Mary Pierce's dancing feet to Kathleen Croetten so that she can soon become a chorus girl. 39. We will and bequeath Emily Morrison's gym trunks to Esther Ginnegaw. 40. We will and bequeath to Bob Briggs, Don Park's laugh so that he may give Rundel Clark more competition. 41. We will and bequeath Iola Daily's Washington etiquette to Rundel Clark. 42. We will and bequeath Ida Mildahn a harem of men so that she can finally choose the right one. 43. We will and bequeath Florence Johnsons pleasant giggle to Marie Note- bart to smother her own. 44. VVe will and bequeath a shorter name to Anna Marian Weir. 45. lfVe will and bequeath to Lucille Martin, Wendall Fairbank's sombre countenance. 46. We will and bequeath Herb Gazley's scholarly habits to Billy Miller. 47. We will and bequeath Harold Van Norman's wild parties to Catherine O'Leary so that she may be a big girl next year. 48. We will and bequeath to Marjory Clark, Fern Jacobs, Washington friend to enjoy in the future. 49. To Neil Burbank and Ralph Burrus we bequeath the abilities of Thee Apostal and Butch Stolt for arguing. 50. To Don Ostrander we give Duane Crichton's wonderful ambition to man- age the basketball team. 51. To Elmer Bills we give Harry Eldridge's English. We hope this will be a help to him in giving oral topics. 52. We give and bequeath to Harry Schumacher the front seat in the middle row so that Miss Smith may keep her eye on him. 53. To john Buss we give Stan Herrick's ability to play baseball to help him in making the team next year. 54. To Bill Bolton we give Parce Hannan's desire to ride in roller chairs. This might help him when he goes to Atlantic City. 55. We will Eva Cornish's ability in basketball to Kitty Monteith so that she may help win the cup next year. 56. We will and bequeath Myra Thompson's charming ability to Laurene Fuller so that she may at last capture her victim. 57. We give one-third of our unlimited supply of knowledge to Loretta Sul- livan so that she may be salutatorian next year. 58. VVe give and bequeath Charlotte Samps0n's salesman ability to Edward Surrey. 59. Vtfe will and bequeath Wilbur Foote's crap shooting ability to Esther Murphy so that she may enjoy her trip home from Washington. 60. We will and bequeath Clate Brewster's position as center on the basketball team to Edward Hickey. 61. We give and bequeath a happy and prosperous year to the Juniors and hope they may have great success in earning their money. 62. The above provisions of this our LAs'r WILL AND TESTAMENT were each

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24 THE HOUR GLASS The fourth juror was H. Donald Park, president of the United Collar Button Manufacturers of Fifth Avenue. Right behind him came Battling Dick Pow- ers, former heavyweight boxer. Next came 'fScarface Crichton, the greatest gang leader New York has had since the death of Harry Eldridge. One look from him, and even Chief of Police Clayton Brewster would turn pale and call for ice-water. Even his wife, form- erly Shirley Bower, didn't dare ask him where he had been when he came in after IO P. M. No one could understand how he got on the jury, but his accomplice, joe Trau, gave a wise smile as his chief stalked into the box. The next juror could hardly be recognized, he was so bent with age. How- ever, upon close examination, the features of Stanley Herrick could be distin- guished. He was once the greatest ball player of his time and a cheer went up as the old warrior sat down. judge I-Iannan stopped the next man and asked him his name. He was a very suspicious looking person, and at first would not answer. After being questioned the second time, however, he said his name was Irving Steubing. Are you the man who beat me playing golf the other day F roared the judge. Yes,,' said the poor man in front of him. Lock him up! his honor said to an officer standing near who was Charles Bridges. By the way, what does he do for a living ? The clerk looked in his book, then said: It says here that Irving Steubing digs ditches for the 'Fairbanks Engineering Company,' your honor. Is that company run by Wendall Fairbanks ? asked judge Hannan. Yes, replied the clerk. Why, I used to know him when he was a kid in school. Don't you remem- ber him? Sure, but who would have thought that he would be a great engineer! The next man to come before the judge was Arthur Watson. I-Ie was a movie star, and many feminine hearts fluttered as he looked at the audience. The next person was Alberta Gears, formerly Alberta Young of Fairport. She was followed by Florence Wood, who owned a doll hospital across from the court room. The last three jurors were Pearl Nicosia, who was formerly Pearl Rush, Doris Kelsey, who was editor of the city paper, and one whom we knew as Fern Jacobs, but who changed her name to Brewster. Call the first witness, ordered the judge. 'fThe first witness for the defense is Myra Thompson. Please take the oath, said the attorney for the defense, Gordon Williamis. Miss Thompson ascended to the witness chair. Do you know the defendant, Mr. William Packard ? asked Attorney VVil- liams. a Why, yes, I used to know him when we went to school together in Fairport. He was so meek that he wouldn't even kiss me when he came to call on me in those days. Why, I can't imagine him beating anybody up, she said. That will do. The next witness is Mildred Wood, said the attorney. What do you know about this man P I don't know anything about him, except that I live next door to him,