Fairhaven High School - Huttlestonian Yearbook (Fairhaven, MA)

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26 THE HUTTLESTONIAN Visitor at Hospital—“Is Mr. Mur¬ phy in?” Hospital Attendant—“Yes, he’s con¬ valescing now.” Visitor—“Very well, I’ll wait.” —Selected The office boy rushed into the boss’s office with his hat on one side of his head and shouted, “Hey boss! I want to get off to go to the ball game.” “William,” said the boss, “that is no way to ask. Sit here at the desk and I will show you how. You pretend you are me.” He went from the room and re¬ turned with his hat in his hand, say¬ ing, “Please, Mr. Smith, may I go to the ball game this afternoon?” “Sure,” said Billy, “here’s fifty cents for a ticket.” —Life. Porter—“Where’s yo’ trunks, sah?” Salesman—“I use no trunks.” Porter—“But I thought you wuz one of these traveling salesmen.” Salesman—“I am, but I sell brains, understand? I sell bra ins.” Porter— Excuse ime, Boss, but youse the first travelin’ fella that’s been here who ain’t carrying no samples.” —Selected. For hours they had been together on her front porch. The moon cast its tender gleam down on the young and handsome couple who sat strange¬ ly far apart. He sighed. She sighed. Finally: “I wish I had money, dear,” he said, “I’d travel.” Impulsively she slipped her hand into his; then, rising swiftly she sped into the house. Aghast, he looked at his hand. In his palm lay a nickel. —Jester. Fifty—“Is the pleasure of the next dance to be all mine?” Twenty—“Yes, all of it.” —California Pelican. A hungry traveler put his head out of a car window as his train pulled up at a small station and said to a boy:— “Here, boy, take this dime and get me a sandwich, will you? And by the way—here’s another dime—get a sandwich for yourself, too.” The boy darted away and returned munching a sandwich just as the train was starting off. He ran to the traveler and handed him a dime and said: “Here’s your dime back, boss. They only had one sandwich left.”

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THE HUTTLESTONIAN 25 They turned, and seeing the officer, they surrendered. The policeman “did his duty” and with Lareau’s aid, led the old man to another place of residence. We remained behind to question the old lady as to their motives. “O,” said she. “Dat Lareau he ruin de delicatessan trade wid his sniff concerts, so we stop heem.” “So I supposed,” said Murdock. “But why was your husband greasing the aerial?” asked I. Murdock answered me, “To make the cheese slide off more easily. Am I right?” The woman nodded. Murdock smiled triumphantly. Where¬ upon, he snatched a bouquet from a vase and humbly presented it to himself. FREDERICK MOSS and WARREN PAGE, ’27. The cross-word puzzle is an intensively rectangular but essentially heterogeneous concatenation of dissimilar verbal syn¬ onymic similitudes, replete with internal inhibition , yetj promulgating extensive ratiocination and meticulously designed to promote fulminative vituperation, dispel hebetudinesity and develop speculative, con¬ templative, introspective, deliberative and cogitative faculties. “Twin Mutual Insurance Topics”

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THE HUTTLESTONIAN 27 Mother—“Now, Willie, if you put this wedding cake under your pillow, what you dream will come true.” Willie—“Why can’t I eat the cake and put the pillow over my stomach?” —Selected. Sunday School Teacher—“Now, each pupil will quote a Bible verse as he drops in his pennies.” Junior (after some desperate think¬ ing)—“A fool and his money are soon parted. —Selected. Teacher—“We borrowed our nu¬ merals from the Arabs, our calendar from the Romans, and our banking from the Italians. Can anyone think of any other examples?” Willie Willis — “Our lawn-mower from the Smiths, our snow-shovel from the Joneses, and our baby-car¬ riage from the Bumps.” —Selected. Ella—“Bella told me that you told her that secret I told you not to tell her.” Stella—“I told her not to tell you I told you.” Ella—“Well, I told her I wouldn’t tell you she told me, so don’t tell her I did.” -Life. “Gif me two pounds of that salmon.” “That isn’t salmon—that’s ham.” “Who asked you vat it vas?” —Jack O’Lantern. “Class,” said the new teacher, “I want you all to be as quiet as you can; so quiet that you can hear a pin drop.” Silence was golden. Small bass voice in rear of room. “Let ’er drop.” —Judge. Judge—“What is your name, occu¬ pation, and what are you charged with ?” Prisoner—“My name is Sparks, I am an electrician, and I am charged with battery.” Judge—“Officer, put this guy in a dry-cell.” —Punch. She—“Can you drive with one hand?” He (passionately) —“Yes.” She—“Then pick up my glove.” —Life. It was the dear old lady’s first ride in a taxi, and she watched with grow¬ ing alarm the driver continually put¬ ting his hand outside the car as a signal to the traffic following. At last she could stand it no longer. “Young man, you look where you’re going. I’ll tell you when it starts to rain.” —Ladies Home Journal. Old Lady—“I see that tips are for¬ bidden here.” Attendant—“Lor’ Mum, so was apples at the Garden of Eden.” —Goblin. “The next person who interrupts the proceedings will be sent home,” declared the irate judge. “Hurray!” yelled the prisoner. —Black and Blue Jay. Co-ed—“Don’t you know why I refused you?” Henry—“I can’t think.” Co-ed—“You guessed it.” —Phoenix. Clerk (in restaurant) “How’s the chicken today?” Waitress—“Fine, how’s yourself?” —Phoenix.