Fairbury Cropsey High School - Crier Yearbook (Fairbury, IL)

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CLASS PROPHECY As the gates of Hell swing open, a burst of flame flashes forth, and in walks Forrest Landsman, a member of the 1940 senior class from F. T. H. S. To Ileene Bunting, Satan's wife, he remarks: “So this is Hell, eh?” Ileene: “Well, good evening, Forrest. What are you doing here, and in your prime of life?” Forrest: “I’m down looking for a job with prospects of advancement.” Ileene: “Come on down and meet our foreman. Reuben Huber. He’s shovel- ing coal on head furnace No. 1.” Huber: “Well, fan my brow if it isn’t Forrest Landsman. Fancy meeting you here. Small world, isn’t it? What hap- pened to you?” Forrest: “Oh, I fell off a merry-go- round and dislocated my thumb. The shock that I got from my injuries was too much for me, and this is where I ended up. Say, what have you got un- der your arm there?” Huber: “This, why this is my Dooms- day Book. I keep the names of every- body in there. Did you meet any of the mob on the way here?” Forrest: “Sure did Passed Marian Henning on the way down.” Huber: “You did? What happened to her?” Forrest: “The trap broke while she was cleaning the outside of the windows on the top floor of the Empire State Building?” Huber: “I bet that’s the nearest she will ever be to heaven.” Forrest: “Say, she was one of the members of my graduating class. Let’s see that book anyway. Ole Timer.” Huber: “Sure thing; here, have a seat since you’re going to be with us for quite a spell.” Forrest: “Here’s an ol’ friend of ours, recognize him?” Huber: “Yep, Bernard Carlson, good old Barney. What’s he doing?” Forrest: “Barney, oh he’s put into into operation a self-sustaining cat and rat ranch, where one sells the skins of the cats, feeds the rats on cats’ car- casses and the rats to the cats.” Huber: “Barney was a little eccen- tric. Isn’t that Edith Robinson’s pic- ture there in the corner?” Forrest: “Uh huh, I was quite sur- prised at Edith. She took the role of Tarzanna in the Jungles, but tiring of this wild life she took up teaching kin- dergarten. She once remarked, ’It’s surprising how much one learns from one’s work.’ ” Forrest: “Where’s Warren Craig’s smiling countenance?” Huber: “On page 23, second row, 8th person No. 31405 in series (T.) What’s Warren engaged in now, anyway?” Forrest: “Warren’s a soap box orator teaching nutizism in Bartonville. By the way, have you seen Helen Jeffer- son’s latest picture, ‘Go Peel a Grape’? She is known as Two Gun Sadie in the movies.” Huber: “She and Gerber didn’t reach a snag in their friendship, did they?” Forrest: “Shucks, no' Velda is a dime a dance girl in Betz’s cafe. She’s nearlv as good as Dewey Dernier. He bought a bucket and established a curb service on corner of State and Madison in Chi- cago. Last time I saw him he told me business was booming.” Huber: “Gee, I’m really surprised at Velda. I figgered she would be a per- manent assistant embalmer for an un- dertaker in Pontiac; still, though, she was quite interested in farming and all the things that go with it.” Forrest: “I saw in the Blade where Warren Beckley, an enterprising under- taker, was jailed recently for changing the labels on Dr. Ambrose’s medicine bottles.” Huber: “That’s a profitable business for me. Who is this Ambrose bloke, anyhow ?” Forrest: “Dr. Ambrose? Why, he’s a surgeon, and a hopeless one at that. It seems that he tried to separate a pair of Siamese twins. He separated them okay but he forgot to put on a patch and as a result they are in constant fear of dropping something.” Huber: “Before I forget about it, did Helen Craig get the divorce from her husband, Mickey Bartholomew?” Forrest: “She and Christine Strode competed in a contest on who can get the most divorces in the shortest time. Christine’s had seven victims to Helen’s five. I guess Christine maintains gentle- men prefer blondes, but Helen main- tains ‘Who wants a gentleman?’” Forrest: “Ha, ha, ha, here’s our old side-kick. Bill Freed. I’d sure like to see Bill again.” Huber: “He’s due here any day now.” Forrest: “Did you hear about what happened to him?” Huber: “No, what?” T went y-five

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Row I William Alexander. Jessie F. Bartlett, Billy Bartlett, Lloyd Beatty, Lois Bedell Eliza- beth Carter, John Carter, Don Clark, Orin Crouch, Elizabeth Drennen. Row II Marie Eilers, Ivan Fosdiek, Lloyd Fosdick, Joe Franger, Jean Gibb, Marian Hazen, Charles Heins, Hugh Henning, Betty Hildreth, Rosemary Hoffman. Row III Nola Huber, Maxine Lange, Betty Leeteh. Dorothy Lehman, Wilbur Lewis, Mahlon Morris, Peggy Morris, Clarence Newman, Anna M. Newnam, Chester Powell. Row IV Blaine Ramsey, Rosemary Ramseyer, Betty Rathbun, Merle Ricketts, Aldene Seale, Jane Spence, Virginia Steidinger, Marilu Steinberg, Bernard Tollensdorf, Oval Vernia. Row V David Voris, Mona Waples, Eileen Ward, Rowena Waters, William Weber, William Wharton, Glen Wilken, Mary E. Wink, Anna L. Zimmerman. Twenty-four

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Forrest: “Bill, who is champion hog caller of the world, became the proud father of a bouncing baby boy, but his heart is broken; not because the baby won’t bounce, but because his mouth isn’t shaped right for hog calling.’’ Huber: “Oh, goody, my old heart throb, Chatz Beckley.” Forrest: “Schatz was a snake charmer for the Century Circus owned by Charles Rice and Francis Fosdick. But alas, she was bitten by one of the snakes, prob- ably Charles Rice. She is at death’s door, and ‘Doc’ Ambrose thinks he can pull her through.” Huber: “Well, I hope ‘Doc’ does it. We can use all the help down here we can get.” Forrest: “Being down here in Hell, I suppose you don’t know anything about psydhology. Well, here is something for you: Dorothy Yoder, famed woman psychologist, has advanced the startling statement that if people don’t send their children to school, they will be unedu- cated men and women when they grow up.” Huber: “Speaking of uneducated men what do you hear of Fred Householder?” Forrest: “The last report I heard, he swore he would graduate this year, girls or no girls. Undoubtedly when he finishes he will join the Foreign Le- gion.” Huber: “Why the Foreign Legion?” Forrest: “Well, wouldn’t you if glam- our girl, Valerie Fultz, with her two Desert Raiders, Agnes Steers and Bor- nice Compton, were commanding the outfit there? Mentioning glamour girls reminds me. Mary Nance has just had an expensive coming-out party, estimat- ed at $100,000.” Huber: “What is a coming-out party?” Forrest: “It’s a little dress that isn’t there. Not changing the subject any, but did you see any signal flares the other night?” Huber: “They have been seen repeat- edly from Mars. Why?” Forrest: “Well, Jakie Peter, explorer for the United States Scientific Research organization, flew his rocket plan' to the planet Mars to seek alposterenistic organisms. He cabled back that in the excitement of his great voyage he took a supply of four dozen parachutes in- stead of four dozen rockets with which to return home. He’s never been heard of since.” Huber: “Who’s that hefty looking fel- low right there in the middle of the page?” Forrest: “That’s Pat Flanagan. He’s a current sensation among dancing cir- cles, has been starred in ‘Elevated Arches,' or ‘Kick Up Them Heels.’ At any rate, he does the Hoola Hoola in his best form. He had Fred Astaire worried but LaVerne Martin, famed me- chanic, came to Fred’s rescue with a super-charging job that increased his speed fifty per cent.” Huber: “Is LaVerne Martin an in- ventor now?” Forrest: “Yes, Martin claims he can super-charge anything from an ostrich egg to a Shakespearean play, the latter being the harder.” Huber: “Say, did Helen Wilson get to take that trip around the world that she always wanted to make?” Forrest: “Well, not exactly. She and Jean Mowry went on a European tour and were drafted into Hitler’s women army. They wrote home that they would be back after the next war, though.” Huber: “Sounds a bit optimistic if you ask me.” Forrest: “Talk about people being op- timistic, you couldn’t beat Ross Hil- dreth. You recall how he used to break the occasional silence of the assembly with a violent and audible rush of air through his mouth and nostrils caused by a sudden and brief spasm of the breathing organs, or in other words, a sneeze? Well, he invented a muffler that serves turkish towels with the showers.” Huber: “Ah, a genius in the crowd.” Forrest: “But can you imagine this! Rosella Von Bergen is a saleslady in Africa. She is selling lipstick to natives in the country of Ubangi, land of the big-lipped women.” Huber: “Heaven help her if she brings any of those dames’ fancy ideas on ‘How to Be Glamorous’ back to the U. S. A. Hold on to your garters though, didn’t you just pass up George Walker’s pic- ture?” Forrest: “Gosh, I forgot he was in our class. It’s been so long since I heard from him. Bet you could’nt guess what Georgie was adoing to occupy his spare time.” Huber: “What?” Forrest: “George established a man on the street program in Venice, Italy. He said that of every one hundred lis- teners on his program, ninety-nine and a half were women.” Huber: “He must have become quite a ladies’ man.” Twenty-six