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Page 143 text:
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THE OWL 129 HUMOR ' PUN MY WORD! There he was, swimming in the cold water battling heroically against the waves. just a half- mile more, he thought, and I'1l make the shore. His strokes were getting weaker. He could hardly lift an arm any more. The beach was only a 'few yards away. His last efforts were too much. He be- gan to grow dizzy. Then his head began to swim and carried him to the shore. Williaiii Coleman- How many boys have you ever kissed? Anna Zaker- You know I detest statistics. ag if :sf Joe Haage- Can anyone tell me what a polygon is? jack Costner- A dead parrot. 1: :if :sf Mr. Plank- Sherwood,construct a sentence using the word 'arch- aic. ' Sherwood -Tohnson- YVe ean't eat archaic and have it too. ff 2: Pk First hunter- And how can you detect an elephant? Second hunter - You smell a faint odor of peanuts on his breath. Rufus- How is you-all gettin, I . '. , r,', ',pu a ong wif 3ouah ilthmetie. Goofus- VV'ell, lf done learned to add up de oughts, but de Eggers bodder me. rk bk rk Bob I-Iehn- lfVhat date is it to- day? ,Martha VViza- I don't know. lN'hy don't you look at that news- paper you have in your poeket?', Bob Helm- That won't do any good. ltls yesterday's paper. THE DEVO TED CO UPLE Jean Bernstel: That couple next door seem very devoted. He kisses her every time they meet. Wlhy don't you do that ? Harry Bernstel: l do'n't know her well enough yet. wh 71: Pk PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT Mt. Reed- That young man of yours stays very late. Doesn't he know how to say good-night?y' Dorothy- Oh, yes, dadg better than any other boy I ever knew. The Negro was being examined for a Cl1'lVl3.I'iS license. And what is the white line in the middle of the road for? he was asked. Ki I ' FY Fo bicycles, was the reply. Ik YP!! Mr. Helmbrightanls arsenic poif sonous ? 1-Iullinger- No, only when you take 1t. df :If :If Sarachek- I got a zero in eco- nomics today. joe Solomon- That's nothing. Saraehek- VVhat's nothing? nj Myers- Zero. 4:15124 Marie: flinumerating Presi- dent's Cabinet in P.A.D.D Sects,- State, Navy NVar, and so on and so 77 I on. XfVm. Hillegass: And so on and so on what? Marie: fThinking of the night heforej home buttons. - wk :if :Q LOOK AT THE EVIDENCE Magistrate: So your only de- fense is that you were drunk when you kissed this lady. How can you prove that? Defendant: X-Vell, just take a good look at her yourself, judge. 1
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Page 144 text:
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130 THE OWL THE RIGHT PERSON Salesman: Boy, I would like to see someone with a little author- ity. Office Boy: VVhat can I do for you? l have about as little as any- one. L. P. Helmbright- lN7hat can yo-u tell me about nitrates? Smart Pupil- VVell, they're a lot cheaper than day rates. sg 21: :iz Paul G eisewite- I-a-er-un. License clerk-'tHenry, bring the marriage license blank here.'l if :uf an Mail Carrier-- Is this package for you? The name on it is oblit- erated. Resident- Nope It can't be for me. My name is O'Reilly. aw Pk :r So your name is johnny Thomp- son, the teacher said, to make sure of the facts, but your mother's name is jones? Yes, ma'an1, johnny said. You see she married again, and I didn't. 1? Ik ll: House Mother: Young man, we turn the lights off at 10.30. Freshman: Oh, boy! That'll be keen. :la it: :zz HOTEL CONVENIENCES He: They.'ve some lovely mush- rooms in this hotel. Wfhat d'you S3311 She: Don't bother. Wfe can use the parlor when we get home. Dk rr- PF lllsie Spangler- Let's play ten- nis. Hullinger- Impossible, The net is broken. Elsie Spangler- Fine That net's always in my way when I play, anyway. CARELESS U Ins. Agent: Have you been driv- ing your car long? lay lfValker: Seven years. I. A.: Ever have an accident ? INV.: Yeah, I got slapped once. Dorothy Kuser: I'm going to shoot the woman who married my husband. Martha VViza: VVhy that's mur- der, 1Sl1't it? Dorothy Kuser: Noi Suicide. I Pk :If Pk . Karl I-Iasse-CLooking at a statue in a mnseuinj Helen of Troy? . Bill Gehris-KNO, Plaster of Par- is. Skfkvk I-Iubby: You never tell me what you buy! Don't I get any voice in the buying? VVifeyA: C-ertainly darling! You get the invoice. :ff Pi: sr They say a Scotchnian from Ab- erdeen is putting off buyinff an at- las until world zIPEairs lookba little more settled. Ik PF if HOW MANY? John: My brother thinks a foot- ball coach has four wheels. Albert: I-Ia! ha! Andthow many wheels has thc bally thing? ' BAD MEMORY Mr. I-Iillegas: Do you know what happened in 1776? Karl Hasse: H1776? Gosh! I can't even remember what happened last night. fp 11: -1: Policeman- As soon as I saw you come around the bend I said to myself, 'Forty-five at least.' VVoman driver- I-Iow dare you? It's this hat that makes me look so old.
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