Evander Childs High School - Oriole Yearbook (Bronx, NY)

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Thus, with words ot wisdom and precepts ot caution, Evanderite set otl tor the Forest ot High School. l'le had not gone tar when he met a math teacher. She was sitting all hy herselt and was weeping hitterly. lt seemed that her entire geometry class, having react up on progressive education, had decided that math was had lor ones disposition, and so they had resigned in a hody and were now talcing Personal Regimen, in- stead. How they expected to cross the torest with that suhject was more than she could see. Qur hero was a lqind-hearted, not to say gutlilnte, soul which accounts lor the tact that he enrolled not only tor a course in geometry, hut tor one in intermediate atgehra, as welt. For what seemed to him tilie centuries tivanderite studied, and linalty, when he could prove two triangles congruent, he was allowed to continue on his way. No sooner had he stepped out ol the math class when he perceived a peculiar tooliing person sitting in a corner playing with a dead trog. Hxvhy are you doing that, my good woman? he aslced politely. Htm dis- secting this heast, silly, was her curt reply. UYou woutdn,t aslc such questions it you had a scientitic mind. ltts plain to see that youtve just ljinishecl intermediate algehra. They all come out slightly hetuddted. Now, what you need is a course in Advanced Biology. Here, sign on this line. Perhaps it was the ehfect ot math, or else it was merely our ex-math prodigyxs laclc ot sales resistance. At any rate, he signed and therehy spent the next two years dissecting frogs. He would have stayed longer, hut the Bio teacher hecame exasperatedrd atter att. there are limits to oneys patience-and at last she passed him. This was now Evancleriteys third year in the torest and he was heginning to wonder it the princess Diploma was really worth all this hother. It was a hother, you linow. tor hesides the headache that his adventure was giving him the had neglected to hring along aspirin to counteract the eltects ot too much tearningl, he had also accumulated a very tine, hut paintut collection ot corns and catlouses. Xvhile he was thus nursing his sorrows, he heard the queerest sounds coming from a nearhy halt. Upon inves- tigating he saw a white-haired gentleman watlzing up and down, reciting a most incomprehensilote monologue. Evanderite started to leave hut the gentleman heltowect, Htdeyl Hold on theret Donyt go awaylu Every time t try to decline that Latin noun, t frighten away att my stuclentsfeven my prospective students. Litqe you, tor instance. You are going to talce Latin, aren,t you? Hxvhy, yes, l suppose sof, That settled it. The eager teacher and the hewitdered pupil got clown to husiness. Ar the end ot an eternity ot Caesar, Cicero, and Virgil, the course was finished, hut the teacher still hadnyt learned to decline the noun correctly. However, our hero had a dragon to meet. so he hastily hade the teacher goodhye. During the next tew weetcs he amhted merrily along, partalcing ot such suhjects as Advanced tvlusic, Act- vanced Art, and even the despised Personal Regimen. He was doing no homeworlc, and thinlcing ot nothing in particular when he stumhted into a dart: cavern. He turned ahout to examine his surroundings, heard an agonizing wail, and discovered that he was among a group of Economics students. Having thus disturhed them, he telt that it would he downright rude to leave so ahruptty. He therefore put clown his load, secured an Eco hoolc, and wraclced his hrain trying to End an economic theory that was worlcahle. After six months of this, everyhody concerned was so horriloty upset that for the salce ot peace Evanderite was passed and was told in unrepeatahte language to leave the place immediately. This he was glad to do. Evanderite staggered out of the Economics class and ohserved happily that his trouhtes were practically over. As a matter ot tact, he could see the towers ot the land ot Graduation in the distance. His ecstasy was short lived, however, tor he rememherect that the dragon ought to he coming along shortly. This thought served to malce him more solemn, which was prohaloty just as welt, hecause loetore he was aware ot it, he came upon the monster himselt. Regents was a terocious creature whose loelt was adorned with the scatps ot those who had met him hetore. Evanderite recognized many ot his triends and a tew ol his enemies among these. As he stood there horror-striclcen, the loeast lunged at him. There tottowed a hloody hattle which lasted a whole weelc fthereatter lcnown as Regents weelfl, and whose commotion was heard throughout the entire forest. Vxfhen it was over and everything was quiet again. there, to his own surprise, stood Evanderite, victoriouslv gloating over a dead, or at least unconscious, Regents. loytully he went to the edge ot the torest where he donned a cap and gown and went to call on the princess. Needless to say, Diploma was delighted. Atter a very short time she married Evanderite and they lived reasonahty happily ever atter.

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Listen, M Children Once upon a time, in the far away iand of Graduation, there lived a heautifui princess named Diploma. Now, one of her ioveiiness shouid have had suitors hy the score, hut, unfortunately, such was not the case. For, you see, to get to the land of Graduation involved such unheiievahie difficulties that few were wining to attempt it, even for such an inducement as Her Highness. Among other things, one had to cross the deso- late forest of High Schooi, which was known to he inhahited hy ali sorts of queer creatures, hut especially hy a wicked dragon called Regents. So, many years rotted hy, and of all the aspirants to enter the forest annuatiy, only ahout three hrave souls reached the other side alive, only then to pass away from shock and exhaustion. At this rate, despite the efforts of the Finest matrimonial agencies, the princess seemed destined to remain an oid maid. But one icine day, there arose fresh from elementary school another youth who, too, was determined to try for the hand of Diploma. Evanderite ffor that was his namei, differed from ati the others in that he tacked fear that characterized his predecessors. With stout heart Evanderite prepared himself for the journey to Graduation. Evanderites mother hade him a sorrowful goodhye and advised him to he especially careful of the sirens Spanish, italian and French. As a parting hit of advice Evanderite,s father totd him to visit the Home of Conquered Vaiiants where the defeated Knights of Knowledge would tell him of their sad misadventures in order that Evanderite might heneijit from their experience. QPF strode our hero to the home of these hrave hut hroicen heroes. The Knight of Q.E.D. spoke in tremuious tones of the devastating dragon, Geometry, couched in the tangled wiids of High School Forest. HBeware,H he advised, Hof Geometry,s cunning axioms, propositions, and corroiariesg they lured and then iaid me towin The Knight of Soiecism advised thusiy: Hi sure never had no drag wit, that there Dragon Engiishf-excep if you mean gettin, dragged troo the swamps of Grammar and composishun for four iong years, and coming out iooicing like a mud ioticatn Evanderite staggered dazediy toward the Black Knight Eco, from Nomics-on-the Money, who imparted this gem of hriiiiant advice: :The Regents of Eco Witt asia you for theories that do not work, and exceptions to these theories that woric oniy hahf as weii. Believe it and you,H heiong in this home, tooin

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