Evander Childs High School - Oriole Yearbook (Bronx, NY)

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page nine DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE O If was a very firesome sorf of exisfence, fhoughf Mr. Teifelbaum, when fhe presi- denf of fhe Wide World Sfreef Cleaning Company was reduced fo a salary of minus fen cenls per week and had fo gef ouf wifh a broom himself fo make up The deficif befween fhaf and zero. Sweeping a parficularly affracfive young blonde clean off her feef, he fripped over a shave lfhaf he had neglecfed fo fake fhaf morningi, and fell. The ground seemed an awfully long disfance below. ln facf, fhe ground wasn'f anywhere lo be seen. He iusf kepf on falling la 'rypical Teifelbaum failingl. lf can'l' be one of fhose new Unferweiser manholes because fhey have weak fea and soda crackers a+ fhe boflom fo refresh people, he reflecfed, buf 'lhis one hasn'f any bo'r'rom. Professor Gronim lalso fallingl was absorbed in some plans for his lafesf Time-saving device-a machine for fhe execufion of condemned criminals. If worked on fhe meaf-grinder principle and was parficularly adaipfable for use in fhe home and insfifufions of learning. As he descended, Milf noliced fhaf fhe walls, which unfil now had been covered wilh prosperify posfers and bean soup labels lobviously an innovafion of lvlafhilda Riawsky and Nina Weinsfein, whose originalify in mural arf had caused such a furor in cerfain circlesl were changing in aspecl' and were forming 'rhemselves info shelves. Concenfrafing his affenfion la very difficulf operafionl upon fhe big pink shelf, Milf ,observed Mr. Joe D'Angelo in his pink fighfs, acfing as valef ro fhe Pink King Schniff lof lhe Weiner Schniffsl, who had risen fo fowering land, frufh fo fell, rarher dizzyl heighfs, over fhe dead bodies of his fellow rackefeers, Joe Fleur cle Lis Seigmann, Merrill Bean Soup Friedlander, Arnold Lollypop Sfanley, Leonard Shrimp lvlaidman, and fhe diminufive Benny Sfark. All fhese had he van- quished wifh his liffle pafenfed Kufchy nose-fweaker. This, fhoughf Milf, is a very unusual person for his size. Bul', he reflecfed, if is also a very unusual size. C Down, down - He approached a fheafer, whose seafs were quife vacanf lfhey confained Marie Cassard - housewife, David Sharenow -- Salvafion Army Band member, and Theodore Slavin - vicfim of demenfia praecox. Upon a soapbox, im- pressively placed in fhe cenfer of fhe sfage, was Mr. Margaref Sanger Schoenfeld beafing his drum and fhe air, wifh whaf he fondly imagined fo be fhe single fax. Milf decided fo move a liflle fasfer, buf was fhwarled when he found himself asfride fhe fail of an elaborafe airplane of fhe Unrafh l94O sfyle, wifh Thing-gummies af 'lhe end of each wing for sighf-seeing parfies. Surprised fo find no passengers, he poked his head in one of fhe - well, whal would he poke his head info? - and found a baffle royal befween pilof Al Loffman and peanuf Miriam Balf. lf appeared however fhaf Miriam's smile was succeeding in pacifying Al, who was nafurally very much annoyed fo discover her as a sfowaway on his cenfro-globular non-sfop--New York 'ro Shanghai flighf. ln facf she was geffing on so famously fhaf Milf discreefly diverfed his gaze elsewhere. I Down, down - Professor Isaiah Finkelsfein, W.E.A.F., W.F.l.X., and honorary R.U.B.E., was announcing fo lhe waifing world lhis sisfer Jeanneffe, Alva Sachs, and Claire Benvenisfyl fhaf an examinafion of his prize specimens, Bernard Fife, Al Rofh la parficularly fine onel, and Charles Davidoff, had proved definifely fhal' insanify was due fo cracked nufs. This was a liffle foo involved for Milf, so he confinuecl down. 0 Down, down - Jerry Diamond, former heavy-weighf champion of The world, was all absorbed in wrifing a lefler fo fhe Times in which he complained aboul' fhe fwo foo-popular crooners, Arnaldo Schuberfe and Adrienne Liebgold, fhe red hof Alaskan blues singer, who, he said, had caused Charloffe Jacobs and Gladys Schneider lfhe occupanfs of fhe upsfairs aparfmenfl fo pour forfh fheir fender hearfs in such copious fears fhaf he believed fhe disinlegrafion of fhe ceiling fo be imminenf.

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omewhere among The senTimenTaI monsTrosiTies of a bygone day, I unearThed a age informing me ThaT I would appreciaTe This school more aTTer I had leTT iT. I d pull iTs IiTTle picTure ouT oT The IockeT I wear nexT To my hearT, and weep biTTer s Tor ThaT which had been. This sTruck me as being a very unTorTunaTe sTaTe OT rs. OT course, I have always loved my school - in The liTTIe picTure in my IockeT. considerably simpler To weep over a lockeT Than To arise in The gray dawn and To The crumbling old ruin on Gun Hill Road buT I ThoughT iT would be nice To 1 jusT whiaT There was To weep abouT. Hence I am seTTing down some oT my a soul-searing memories, so ThaT I will noT have To boTher wiTh onions or glycerin. -iTe seems To have been gluTTed wiTh conTesTs, Spanish, Economics, BicenTenniaI, Times OraToricaI. llvlaybe There were more buT I don'T Think we oughT To be ky on so solemn an occasion as This.l The laTTer wiTh iTs mosT gruelling sysTem liminaTions, reached iTs climax in The hall oT losT souls, The audiTorium, when Gladys baum's poeTic sTreak aImosT caused us To discourse in Thee's and Thou's. when 1 Keller blew her muTed TrumpeT Tor more brains or someThing equally ludicrous, when ArThur Gang Told us, Compromise has been a Tine Thing in The pasT. LeT oT compromise! I was very much annoyed aT being shanghied To The prinTery by The prinTer's ls, Mary Baral, DoroThy GraTT and HarrieT Seliger, unTil I saw The nice looking ng prinTer, and The IinoTyper whose grim sense of humor was responsible Tor: seT To Sunrise wiTh Leon Israel lsuch an innocenT-looking child, Tool. ln such a a, I advise The pupil To change his curse, by The honorable Mr. Norr. UnTor- aTely, his choicesT Typographical errors are noT considered suiTabIe Tor school licaTion buT, when noT being Thrown ouT oT TourTh sTory windows, CharloTTe STurTz ild enioy enlighTening you. always ThoughT The ArisTa To be The seaT of The inTeIIigenTsia buT, when The chair- 1 of The knocks commiTTee became presidenT, The biggesT Teminine grin became 'eTary and The curIiesT headed male became Treasurer, I packed up my brains me of Those censored ediToriaIs which have so worried Mary Baral, and IeTT. LosT in a labyrinTh of assemblies, I discovered The ulTra-American Eleanor Woid- ak exhibiTing some Goiman abouT GoiThe, and The Hungarian princess, Hilda :Terman Trying her Tongue aT English. LaTer, I saw some suspiciously cocky haTs The pIaTTorm nodding approvingly To The violin of ze maesTro Siegmann, who was ying an original composiTion To The mosT charming oT charmers liT is suspecTed T he knew before hand ThaT Renee Karr would be elecTedl. I believe Al LoTTman's as George WashingTon was easier Than The one as The VaIianT, even Though The er died buT once . Having been inveigled by someone lif iT wasn'T Bob NasTre, iT should have beenl J purchasing a TickeT Tor a baskeTball game, I became inTeresTed in The IengTh Lenny Maidman and The widTh of Arnold STanIey buT decided ThaT iT would be ier To wriTe a laTin play like Helen GeTlien's Than aTTempT To play Their game. ToTTering Tipsily around The halls, subsequenT To an eco midTerm, humming soTTly h, Lawd, Please Take Away The Darkness I collided wiTh Joan Keller Trying hard ' To beam over congraTuIaTions Tor a cerTain scholarship, and Edgar Hyde Trying d To live down his repuTaTion Tor dual exisTence and bloody murders. ATTer ning The gaunTIeT oT Mr. Quimby and half a dozen of his proTeges ready To elcome IiTTIe Tishes in wiTh genTIy smiling jaws , I goT somehow inTo The gym are a dance was in progress. Sez I, Give me The prom any day. Gulp, gulp, 'gle, gurgle, gooooool LiTTle IockeT, lsniffll here's lsnilil, sniTTIl To you! lsnifl, sniff, sniffll THROUGH THE KEYHOLE geeighf

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I Down, down - Colonel Leonard FeinsTein, The wealThy head-hunTer, who had noT aT been clever enough To replace his own wiTh one oT The many superior specimens i his collecTion, was showering wiTh aTTenTions The elusive and TascinaTing naTive irl of TimbucToo, Mah Ree Shan Ahan. I Down, down - Mary Baral. renowned CommunisT, who broke inTo prinT in The imulTuous year I943 wiTh her novel MaTchless Headlines! languished in The Gos- een Jail Tor advocaTing The reTurn by Mayor Gang of The Two hundred and TorTy- x odd million ThaT had been given To him as a giTT by The' Bronx SocieTy Tor The umb and DesTiTuTe. Gladys Maibaum should be here Too, ThoughT MilT. D Down, down - MilT saw wiTh ioy - Cecelia Anderson, The perTecT Anderson fpe oT beauTy, pracTicing Tor EThel Edison's new play, Survey oT The AcTiviTies of me Allied PrinTing Trades of New York CiTy , a drama of ba-rud-en-dud. Miss .nderson TiTTed beauTiTully inTo The parT oT The ianiTor's wife who swepT all behind her. we ianiTor's parT was being played by The aging characTer acTor, RoberT Smullyan. .mong oThers The casT included Jack Glass, The oily gangsTer hero: Arnold Gold- nger, The slipping lor sleepingll arTisT who was recenTly hung aT The MeTropoliTan: 1argareT Goldenberg. The iraTe moTher, and Helen GeTTen, The oTher iraTe moTher. mil Friendlander could be seen Tiddling on The TooTlighTs Tor lighT harmonies lan npression of his suppressed desire To play Nerol. From The piT DirecTor Seymans was iouTing Floods and curTainl CurTain, l say and sTop ThaT music! No resuIT. neaking up behind Eleanor GoldTarb, The organisT, Seymans muTTered menacingly. Will you sTop ThaT music! BuT iT's so lovely -- - --. MilT hurried onward a be spared an unhappy sighT. D Down, down - CharloTTe STurTz reTurned Trom a successTul Tour wiTh The SovieT mpire BaIIe+, was improvising, wiTh Harold Derfner, a new sTep To be called The urT2 sTep. IT combined your-rhyThmic movemenTs of arms and legs wiTh a crescendo JunTerpoinT by ears, eyes. and fingernails. The producT, when viewed Through half osed eyes, resembled somewhaT The gyraTions oT a kiTTen in salT waTer. ChieT 'nong Those who viewed-wiTh-alarm was Miss HarrieT Seliger who was murmuring neTully, All righT elsewhere buT noT here. I Down, down - Dearie mel sighed liT+Ie MilTie. High on a modernisTic plaT- Jrm, designed and execuTed lyou said iTl by HenrieTTe Berg, was The Rev. BaxTer 1aTerson, Jr., swaThed in chromium robes. Grown plump and comTorTable, despiTe 's re-puTaTion Tor asceTicism, he was gleefully 'haranguing his congregaTion. Prom- ienT among whom were Douglas, The lumbering log-rolling senaTor: Roger Winslow, ise-cracking inTiniTive-spliTTer: Leonard MillsTein, graTTer in The Cheese Dream di- 'sion of The NaTional BiscuiT Company: Smoky Jack Donohue, Big Chief Tor The line RackeT Union No. 400, 950: Hilda WeinTraub, reTired hoT-cha girl: CharloTTe ially, painTer oT blind-pigs: Eric GusTavson, singer of old Irish ballads: Edward HoyT, iddish impersonaTor: Maggie Kelly, socieTy TavoriTe: and Hilda Kupferman, Magis- 'aTe oT The Family CourT. Reverend CaTerson had sTolen his TexT Trom The Monroe 'ocTrine and The Versailles TreaTy. He had reached his climax, when MargareT owers. TighT rope walker, moved by his eloquence, losT her balance and Tell inTo The iidsT of The enrapTured Throng. , I Down, down - Ah. This is much beTTer, he exclaimed, apprised by The up-and- :ming newsboy, Andre Tweed, of The annihilaTion by The S.P.l.R.N. oT The Too enTer- rising RoberT NasTre. This SocieTy Tor The ProTecTion oT lnnocenTs from The RoberT lasTres, had been exTending iTs acTiviTies wiTh graTiTying resulTs. The oTTicers were: res.-Hyde, reTired boogey man. Vice-Pres.-Rosoisky, losT soul noT Tound. ec.-June STeinhard, Toe oT lady-killers. Trees.-OliveTTe Blumler, nice child. age Ten