Essex District High School - Argus Yearbook (Essex, Ontario Canada)

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rir. S toros: Phil, how should a lawn be farmed? Phil: It sh uld. bo slanting towards tho house so all the water will go in the basomont. Mr. So toros : What sense docs that make? Phil? Well, ho might want to make a house boat. Mr. Sotcros: Alan, have you got your homework done? Alan: No, I ain ' t, sir. Mr. So tens: Why not? Alan: Well, I protended J did it. Mr. Sotcros: That ' s no excuse. Alan: Well, haven ' t you got no imagination? Mr. Sotores: Bruce, what are hops? Bruce: That ' s what bunnies do. Mr. Sotcros ; Give that man an R. G. Dunn cigar. Mr. Soteros : Richard, the specific gravity of a bottle weighs 23.2 grams whon empty and when full of water with .il on tho top is 63.7 cubic ice cubes filled with grams, therefore could you tell me what the speed of s ' ' und is? Richard: No. PHYSICAL TORTURE Mr. Langford: Now this is a basketball, Gaye. Gaye: No kiddin ' , I thought it was a horse chestnut. • ' fr 1 Langford: That goes to show how much y u know about ping-pong. CADETS Mr. Langford’ David, whon you ' re under fire from the enemy -and there arc bombers overhead and rocks to the right and rocks to the left and 1 w lean thorns between, and you even hoard a gun bark and you even saw a rock up in the air, what . wuld y ' .u do? David: If you ' d read tho news, you ' d know. 11C GIRLS Grade 11C girls seemed to be up against so many problems that they all decided to ask the advice ;if Auntie Freeze . Maybe you have tho same problems. If so, road Dear Auntie Freeze and you will find ycur answers. Dear Auntie Frcezo: Please help usj Our problem concerns a certain toachor who is con¬ tinually banging a throe-foot rule ;n our desks and scaring two inches off our life each time. Wc can ' t afford to lose many more inches and time is running short. Help usj Ruby and Carolyn Dear Ruby and Carolyn: By the sound of this teacher, he gives me the impression of being a Math Toachor. I am glad yu wrote because I know many other unfortunate individuals are plagued with this samo problem; so I suggest y u Join with the rebels or else at one of his mild moments, up and scare him yourself.

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GEOMETRY Mr . Clifford: Norn, what are two and two? Norm: I don ' t know. Mr. Clifford: Well, you took it in grade two, y.u dunderhead. Norm: I novor did. I skipped grade two. Mr. Clifford- (Practising to replace Lra enoc Wclk on TV as usual): Aah, George, aa would—aa you ploase--aa submit the final answer—aa to the qucstion--aa 6,578 pertaining to the— aa letters, G. ?2 qI, W, Z, K 2 21 l 3, M 2 - -aaaaaaaaa. George: 0. K. I got 27, 122 ? Authority of Book Proposition 2,561,305.6 63b, 2 6-j[- Mr. Clifford: That ' s right, George. How did you get it? George: I am mathematically declined. ENGLISH Mr. Hutton: Harold, could you endure ta use y-mr brain for a minute and tell us what the score was botwoon the Kingsville Honkers and the Essex Bombers last night? Harold: But, Sir, such a trivial question to put forth to me. I have no interest in such more trifles as athletics. In fact, I never even think of anything that would distract me ff on :ay favourite subject English . You will have to forgive me, for I know not the scoro. Mr. Hutton: Como here, boy, I ' m gonna cut your hair off. Mr. Hutton: Stove, what did Caesar say when Mark Antony asked him if he wanted the Crown? • Stevo: I refuse to answer on the grounds of the fifth amendment. Mr. Hutton: You is right, Steve. I ain ' t novel heard you give such a interesting answer. I thunk you was just another stupid dumb kid but now I know you is. HISTORY Mr. Mbntcith: Lionel, I don ' t understand what excuse you have f or not writing that tost yesterday. Lionel: I had so much history homework that night that I didn ' t got any sleep. I was so tired that I fell asleep in class. Mr. Montoith: Dan, outline a note on the manor court. Dan: But, sir, there is no manor court in this room. Mr. Montoith screams and runs from the room. Hr. Monteith: Raymond, what wore some forms of Indoor recreation in medieval times? Ray: Pin the tail on the donkey. Spin the bottle. Kiss tag. Post office, . Ping-pong, and Seven card stud. Mr. Monteith: If you don ' t smarten up I ' ll send a note home to your parents. Mr. Monteith- Plorian, 4iat did the peasants do when the lords hunted in in their fields? Plorian: If it was peasant soason they ran for cover. Mr. Monteith: That ' s a n w one on me.

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Dear Auntie Freeze: We would like to know if a method has boon found of chewing gum in school and enjoying it without being caught by a certain English teacher whose initials are L. F. H. and who gives you an unknown and undesired punishment if you arc unfortunate enough to bo caught at it throe times Ann and Donna Dear Ann and Donna: . - If 1 werG y° u 1 would give this ' ' chewing gum fiend a package of ngloy’s spearmont gum and also give him a free demonstration of how to chow the stuff--thcn maybe ho will agreo how good it is. If this doesn ' t work, then maybe you had better find another form of entertain- ment during English class. Dear Auntie Freeze: Wo want a fool-proof way of getting revenge on fellow oupils who tease us about certain individuals when wo simply loath these ' certain individuals. Would you ploase suggest something? Sophie, Mary Ann and Carol T. Dear Sophie, Mary Arm and Carol T.: This sort of thing is quito common inside our brick-covcrod walls. Most people retort with cutting remarks or just laugh it off--if thoso don ' t wo no, I think it may be wise to consult a real expert on such problems. —- Dear Auntie Freeze: What do you do with thoso awful teachers who won ' t lot you leave the room to fix your hair and face when it is in dire need of repairs? Please give us some suggestions. Kathy and Carol H. Dear Kathy and Carol H.: In my opinion, thoso teachers are positively horrid not to allow ou to bo excused. I would certainly fix their position by coming to school some morning minus your make-up and your hair in curlers. ’That will fix ' omj Dear Auntie Freeze: We find it very hard to refrain from laughing during Physics class and that whito-coatod toacher of Physics expects wonders in those unanswerable problems: but what he doesn ' t k now is that wo don ' t under- • stand a thing. Do you think that he knows that wc don ' t know what ' s going on? Dianne and Carol U. Dear Dianne and Carol U.: I don ' t think that he knows that you don ' t know what i.t ' s all about, and I think it would be wise to let him know that you don ' t know what it ' s all about. It is quite evident that other thoughts arc tho masters of your minds.