Episcopal High School - Whispers Yearbook (Alexandria, VA)

Page 21 text:

he 1 1-I5 Qlhrunir illl ANONYMOUS, SPASMODIC, AND UNOFFICIAL PUBLICATION OF THE IIILLY HO1LE 113 NAM E FINALS DIE. KILLED SOME- TIME DURING SPRING TERM '53 E. H. S., lune 4, l953FThe students of The Episcopal High School fin Virginiaj were met with a dishearten- ing blow here today as school Head- master R. P. Thomsen announced the passing of name finals at E. H. S. They succumbed sometime during the spring term of 1953. Student ofiicials suspect foul play. As the school went into a period of mourning, various opinions were expressed by students. Roving report- ers for The Chronic Ill recorded these typical reactions to the crime: Student A-CENSORED Student B-CENSORED Sudent C- I daresay that this idea of no name finals isn't too pleasant an outlook. Why, our very personalities will be warped! fStudent C was later found brutally beaten. Members of the E. H. S. M. S. P.-Masters' Secret Police-were suspected.J Student D- lt's not good. Student E- I think it's a good idea. VVe don't need dances, anyway. Stud- ent E was later found suspended by the neck from the south goal post of Hoxton Field.l Some masters were also interviewed, but preferred to remain unnamed: Master A-- But, Gentlemen, think of the gold we'll be able to save! Master B- In view of our new school policy, it was a necessary oper- ationf' Master C-'LPeep, Peep . . Because of the requirements of un- biased iournalism, this paper cannot afford to take sides in this debate ffl. We cannot help. however, but regret the passing of name finals at E. H. S. fNote: This article would have been published earlier, but the reports, sent ,in 24K gold capsules by carrier pigeon, were lost when a Hawk waylayed the pigeon and filched the capsules. VVe regret the subsequent delay in the reports, not reaching the public.j High School Politics Probed Quote: TlMliLESS, the magazine its editors believe ini' ILL MANNERS AND IMIXIOR- ALS- This week the EHS subdivision of the Kefauver Committee, after in- tensive weeks of ransacking Slater System files, Bailey Patricks address books, and the Reverend I. L. fi. VVilliams' sermon notes, came up with its answer to the question that has been baffling the more adolescent end of Seminary Hill: who is the real power in the administration of the High School? Contrary to all ex- pectations. the committee did not decide upon Egypt. the faculty, or the waiters. Their conclusive verdict was the faculty children. The commit- tee's duties consisted of finding out how much each child had done. The investigation took place in Mr. Bobbitt's office. The atmosphere was so heavy with smoke fmembers of Egypt very graciously helped the committee in this capacity by having a special Hlob-ball match before the meetingl that the room's traditional art works were almost completely ob- scured. First to come before the com- mittees microphones were the young Thomsens. They faced the glare of the kleig lights with the aplomb their father's position had taught them. 'According to our evidence, over half the school was thrown into sev- enth period when you children laced the faculty coffee with NO-DOZ one night before grades were shown. The consequences of this action were ob- viously far-reaching: have you any information to counter these chargesi' Randy spoke in a voice trained to a high pitch by constant shouting to Snyder for the gravy: 'And what would you do if you were constantly con- fronted with those old fossils slurping caffeine? ltis enough to drive us to any sort of operationf With that the two left the stand, greatly unrufiied. The committee chairman continued. Cathy Murray was summoned. 'Miss Murray, it is the understand- ing of this committee that you have interfered with the H. S. mails: consequently, a letter you misplaced through the hell- made lon Bryan go on-earth of thinking for three days that he had received the shaft.' Miss Murray replied with a dignity usually identified with her father's country: 'ln order for there to be shaft, there has to be a shaftess. Your findings reveal nothing more than the gross conceit of Ionathan Hryanf On this note the committee dis- missed Cathy Murray. Then the chair- man called for the terrible trio: VVild Bill fiobbitt, Big Stu VValden, and law-ee Latham. There was a lapse of time because of the absence of young Latham: but he was soon found on the floor collecting, for some reason, scattered buttons, coins, and cigaret butts. 'The charges facing you all are simple: is it true that your incessant noise kept half the school awake dur- ing church services? The boys meekly confessed, but their humility could not atone for the gravity of their misdeed. The summoning of the VValke bri- gade caused something of a furor. Martha had first to be persuaded to part with her script , She reluctantly gave it up, muttering something about being sure to f'lub her lines. Her brother and sister came along without resistance. 'For some time Dwight Underhill has had to carry an anchor to keep from blowing away: he reports this is because he approached starvation so closely when he had to spend his meal time re-filling your glasses. ls it true that you were secretly emptying them down his neck? Martha turned her prohle to the cameras of XV.-X.-XA-TV with Bern- hardt-like poise and said simply: 'I have nothing to sayf Diana was more candid. 'You should have seen the look on his face when l made him pour the milk back because the bubbles weren't prettv enoughf

Page 20 text:

1 ' 1- , Ng, , 'gf-. X x Z i 4 I-4 fu-Qu Us

Page 22 text:

4 THE CHRONIC ILL EDITORIALS I Thirty Seconds Exposure A personal expose of what it means to be Editor of Whispers If you were to have passed through the soot-grimed columns of Stewart Gymnasium on the damp night of Sat., May 2. executed a right and then a left face in quick succession, breathed deep- ly, proceeded cautiously down the pre- cipitous stairs confronting you. turned right. turned right again, knocked po- litely, knocked more firmly. pummeled the door until your knuckles were splinter-ridden, and listened carefully, you would have detected, issuing forth in tones of unmistakable gentle- ncss from that mysterious chamber be- yond, the soothing words, lust a see- ond, damnit. I've got a picture in the developer. .Xfter a seemingly inter- minable pause, an irritated and dis- heveled visage, accompanied hy the mingled aromas of hypo, acetic acid, and Ii. O., would have confronted yours and uttered a weary and im- patient, YeahF-NUI NUI come backl You have no cause for alarm: it's only me. .-Xlthough I must admit, it was surely a rather frightening version of same. VVhat was I doing down in that Sunday School adaptation of the black Hole? That would be a rather delicate question, better proposed from a crouched position. Practice in as- suming and handling responsibility? you suggest. i-Xh, but donlt let those college recommendation question blanks beguile you! Responsibility when referred to XfViiisvEas is a four-letter word spelled XVURK. fThis. however. is not the only accepted spelling- there are several other acceptable. ap- propriate, and demeritable variations.J To get to know people by working together in a cooperative venture to- ward a common goal -yeah. that's what the catalogue says. However. when I surveyed the proximity of our final deadline. and tallied the corre- sponding scarcity of completed, proof- read copy ready for Xfr. Newell, our equally exasperated printer, I honestly and accurately concluded that people in general, and editors in particular. are no damn good-a realistic. but not especially helpful summation. To learn how to handle people? Possibly, but when I consider how many afore- mentioned editors took infinite pains to cross over to the opposite side of the walk when I passed, one might easly add the preface man- to the verb in question: or even better. merely substitute brow-beat. liut you say: VVhat about the more positive side of the picture-what bene- ficial compensations have you derived from your tenure at the weather-worn, blood-stained helm of XVI-iisPEitsF The acquisition of patience?-now you're on the right track. However opposed in theory I am to self-inflicted discipline. I have nevertheless managed to acquire suliicient practice in sclf-re- straint to carry me through Princeton nicely. Powers of concentration?- phenomenal. Have you ever tried to compute proportions on a slide rule with the strains of That Lil' ol' Kiss o' Fire assaulting one ear and VV. C. Cookls presistent queries and comments drumming with gatling-gun rapidity on the other? .-X vital sense of per- spective fslightly reorderedj?-yes: I have learned that XfVHlsPEltS must take precedence over such trivialities as studies, friends, sleep. and letter-writ- ing. And finally to my work with XViiisPeits I can attribute a remarkably increased strength of character. XVhat else could possibly account for the fact that I have yet to strangle Iimmy Simmonds, who turned in the last foot- ball write-ups on May 1? Ilut all this does not satisfactorily answcr the question. why did I ever get myself involved in all this? Wt-ll. I look at it this way: XVho else would have done it if I didn'tF ttlbviously somebody would have been editor. but it's so reassuring to feel that one is indispensable.J .Xnd finally, what elsc would I have done with my evenings? -the standard nocturnal pursuits of wining and wenching, at Ii. H. S. are. in the case of the first. prohibited. and of the second. chaperoned. -Speed liill BREW BEERSON PREDICTS In view of the recent events and trends at IQHS. I have a few prc- dictions to Holy Hill I predict make about life on the in the future. that: of W5-I will be the best IJ Ifinals yell Instead of having only one name band at Pinals. as has been past practice. in P75-I IQIIS will have many. Yes. as long as the record players hold out, lfinals '54 will be tops. lj The lil'IS-XX oodberry athletic rivalry may soon end. :Xs more and Continued from Paiie 1 Roddy was solemn. 'If the prole- tariat would only recognize its true position of servitude, there would be no communist problemf Then complications began for the committee. Before XVilly Ravenel could be summoned, a seemingly endless picket line. with posters boasting: 'Clemency for XVilly.' had to be dis- pcrsed. Concern over this incident was lessened when it turned out that the line was composed of the Rayenel sisters. 'XIaster Ravenel. you are charged with attempting a coup d't'c'01c'. Is it true that you have attempted an in- tensive sabotage campaign to depose Xlr. Thomsen? Young XX'illy was more suave than his predecessors. He calmly looked ahead with that kind gleam so familiar in his fathers eve. '.-Xttempted ainlt the woid.' XVith this the committee closed its investigation. Xlrs. liefauver recom- mended that the schools administration be returned to Iigyptf' more people at EHS turn to Iiloh- ball. half-rubber . fencing. and Spud. the chances for the termination of the rivalry improve. The drain these newer sports place on the personnel of less organized sports like football, basketball. and track may cause the demise of the latter sports. Since the boys at XX'ootlbcrry still seem to be old-fashioned enough to play football and other old sports. the present trend may leave the two schools field- ing entirely dillierent athletic teams. SX The IQHS rat system may also be c to b .Xs the rats sc'm getting smaller each year. soon nont may be seen around. tNot meinmg that they won't be herej. -IJ I predict-but even I can't i dict the next new school policy. STATION WEHS PROGRAM RESUME doomed. 7:00 .XXI 7:30 .XXI szsrm .XXI 8:-I5 .XXI Rise and Shine Ilrcakfast Club Your Sacred Hour The Iiig Payo exams Suspense ll:00 .XXI l.ife Can lie Ileautiful 1:50 PXI lslitchen Club tlna I 2:30 PXI Take it or I.eavc it 3:00 PXI Sports Roundup 5:-I0 PXI It Pays to be Ignoraut will PXI The Thin Xlan 7:30 PXI The XX'eb 9:-I5 PXI lfscape 10:00 PM Lights Out fl tduri H'