Elmwood Community High School - Ulmus Yearbook (Elmwood, IL)

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T H E U L M U S 19 IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIlllllllIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII and 4 inches. Thus each Senior walks 245 feet 3 inches out of his way each dayg or, for the 99 times that they make this route from sun to sun, it equals 468 feet and 3 inches. For the total school year this amounts to 863,100 feet or 50 miles of extra walking. Thus is can plainly be seen why the spring fever is so prevalent among the members of our illustrous class as the school year nears its end. A Now by taking the above computations and multiplying by the total number of students in the class and dividing by the number of English mistakes made by Daniel Tully, adding Margaret Kilpatrick's telephone number and substracting the license number of Loren Oakes' fliverg you will have the mental capacity of the average Senior in the greatest class that has ever graduated from the Elmwood High School. CLASS PROPHECY After twenty years of hard work and study, Grace Wickwire has suc- ceeded in extracting an element from jelly fish that will work miracles., It will cure disease instantly, destroy insects, make gold and silver, dry up the ocean and in fact, do practically anything she wants it to. This won- derful element Miss Wickwire has decided to call Miraculena. One day while at work she accidentally spilt a drop of this- wonderful preparation on some scraps of paper on her desk and to her amazement words began to appear on the paper. Before her eyes a summary of the achievements of her former classmates took shape. It was evident that these scraps of paper were clippings from leading newspapers all over the country, some of them nearly a quarter of a century old. The first clipping read contained the following: Miss Mary Whitney has completed the construction of a new type of barrel in which she will attempt to go over Niagara Falls. The barrel has two walls, the inner one being solid steel well padded, while the other one is a coat of mail or links of steel. The space between the two walls is filled with springs to counter- act all shocks. Inside there is hardly room to move about after the air cushions have been inflated. In one end is an apparatus that will generate oxygen so there will be no danger of suffocation. The attempt to go over the Falls will be made next 4th of July. During the intervening time the barrel will be on exhibition at Miss Faye Hoyt's Pawn Shop, Madison Street, Chicago, Ill. By unanimous vote Florence Threw has been impeached and put out of the State Legislature. She has been radical in all her dealings and has uncovered several grafts. As she would not change her ways after re- peated warnings, she was impeached and convicted. Miss Threw intends to get to the root of graft for she says that there is a ring of grafters who get three-fourths of all the taxes. The money the grafters get in one year would build a good subway system in three of the largest cities in IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIII II IIIIIIIIII II Il IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIII II IIIIIIIIII Ill IIII IIIII Il II II II I IIII II I II IIIII Il I IIIIII IIII I IIIIIIII IIIII II II II ll IIIIIII II IIIII III IIII IIIIIIII III II I II I I III I I I IIII II

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18 T H E U L M U S llilllllllllllllilllllllllllllllllllllllillHIHIHIHlillilllllllllllilllllllllllllllIllllllillllHHHHHIlIIHIIIHHHIIIIllllIIVII!IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!IIHIHIIIIIIIHINHIIIIINIIHIIlllllHllilllllllNlllllNIlllllIlllliIIIIIIIIIIIIIllllilllllIlllllllllllIlllllllllIIIIIH!llllllllllllllllilllllll 5 CLASS HISTORY We, the class of '22 being Seniors and not to be with you long, have decided to give accurate statistics of our class. Our class is remarkable, very remarkable. Some of the girls even make their own complexions. In numbers, they are truly astonishing, their being 28 names on the cradle roll. Said amount is divided up into 12 girls and 16 boys, which makes each girl bossed to the extent that she has watchful supervision of 1.4287 boys on her path. Much time and expense were spent in determining the mean height of the members, but after much congestion of traffic in the halls, several fainting spells, new tape lines and much scaffolding, the average height was taken at 5 feet and 7.913 inches. This multiplied by the total number of members in the class gives the astonishing height of 309.65 feet or 3,- 715.865 inches which is higher than Block Sz Huhl's by 2 feet. It would take an article 4.32 seconds to reach the ground if dropped from such a height and at time of hitting the ground, it would be going at the rate of 100 feet per second. This rate is almost equal to the number of times that Miss Anderson bawls out the average Senior in her American History class. As far as the committee on investigation can discern, the tallest members of the class is Russel Remmele, but on account of the lightness of the upper strata of the atmosphere, no one has yet been able to ascertain his true height. By careful weighing of the entire class on the scales at McDonald and McCabe's Grocery, its entire weight was found to be 3500 pounds, which makes the average Senior weigh 125.23 pounds. On a whole the eyesight is very good, there being only two exceptions: that of Leon Carter, whose eyes are weak from excessive studying 3 and that of Harry McDonald, who honestly owns to the fact that oversleeping did it. The committee had much trouble in collecting all of the different colors of eyes. It was only on the 49th visit that they found Art Dragoo with his eyes open wide enough to derive their color. If all the different colors could be mixed together, they would form a most beautiful shade of greenish brown. By using 5 miles as the distance the average Senior can see on a clear day, the total distance of sight would be 150 miles. That is, that on a bright day a student with such visionary power could be in Elmwood, and see what was going on on the streets of Chicago. The Class of '22 also boasts of its range of ages. It runs all the way from 16 to 20. The position of the youngest and also of the oldest is held by a boy: Daniel Tully and Harry McDonald, respectively. By having members of the class posted on the corner of Main and Mag- nolia Street, it was estimated that on the average, Seniors passed this point 99 times a day. This means that Seniors have had to go around the jog to the high school 99 times every day of the year. The total distance thus covered is 416 feet and 2 inches while the distance across lots is 418 feet MfflllllllllIlllllllllllIIIllIIIIlllIllIIIIUIllIIIIlllllllllllllllllllll lllllllllllllllll ll lIIllIllllIllIllIIlIIlIllllIIlIIilIlIIlllllIllllllllllllllllllll II IIIIINHII lllll Illllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll Illllllllllllll ll Ill llIIIII1IllIIlllllllllllllllllllllllIII

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5 La... 20 T H E U L M U S sl' V I ?I'IIilIlIlllllll'lI.IlIllllIllI.lll'llllll1lllllIIllIl!lIl l'll!lllllIllllllllllllllllllllllilllllIIllllIIlllfllellllilslnlnlillL.. I...,i..IL.lI..l-itll,LI,ll,iliii,ll.mi 1llIlllllllllllIllllllllIllIllllllllllllllllllllllllllIllIllllllllillllllllllllllllllllllllllillllllllllllll Illinois. The people are back of her and also a prominent corporation is backing her to the limit. It is thought that one of the largest scandals in the history of Illinois will be unearthed inside of three months. The credit for it will go to Miss Threw. During the uprising of the natives in Belgian Kongo the Rev. Bernard Mullen was cruelly murdered. He has been in a settlement of civilized negroes but the natives of Central Africa had been imposed on by the civilized blacks. They overran the country under the control of the Rev. Mullen and savagely murdered all the inhabitants of the village. Mr. Mullen was held at first as a sort of God, but when he rebuked them for what they had done they slew him instantly. The rebellion was soon put down by the English army and all they lack now is a missionary. Earl Schenck, one of the world's most famous contractors, has ac- cepted a contract for building an aerial railway from New York to San Francisco. He was picked as the only suitable man to take care of the diffi- cult job. Besides surveying, he must build it so it will not lie in the path of tornadoes and it will be necessary to anchor a guiding trail in the air. He hasn't decided on what kind of trail to lay but it is thought he will decide in favor of the Cannon Ball. Society was shocked today to learn that Leon Carter, the great bass singer of the Metropolitan Opera Company of New York City, was missing this morning. When his valet entered his room this morning his bed had not been disturbed. It is feared he has been captured by the order of the Yaller Dawg from whom he has received many threatening letters. Ensley Strappe has been engaged to solve the mystery. He has suffered no defeat since taking up his detective work. He will probably solve the mystery in two or three days and return the great singer to the world. Loren Oakes gave a farewell address to the Mormons today. He spoke on The Sins of the Rising Generation. He has spent most of his early life lecturing on all of the dark subjects of the World. He decided to retire in his middle age so that he may enjoy the pleasure of his wife and family. The classes of '17 and '22 were invited to a party given by Miss Flor- ence Phares in honor of Russel Schori and Miss Kathryn Callister. The young couple are to be married in the fall. Many costly gifts were pre- sented among other things a five hundred dollar bed-room suite presented by Mr. and Mrs. Lee Bitting. Mrs. Bitting was formerly Miss Erma Mc- Kinty of the Class of '22, Margaret Kilpatrick and Elora Burt demon- strated their skill in classical dancing. Margaret is an expert toe dancer. She has a contract to dance three nights a week in Hall's Pavilion at Oak Hill. Elora is a contortionist. She can tie herself in a knot, put one foot in her mouth, chew gum and roll on the floor all at the same time. In her last dance she turned handsprings and wagon wheels for five minutes straight, with as little effort as it takes to walk. Just before lunch, Ruth Caldwell unveiled her latest masterpiece, a beautiful life sized portrait of lllllllllll'IllIllIlllIllIlIIlIIIIIIIIllIlIllllllllllllllIlllllllllllllllllIllllllIllllIllIlIllllillllIIII!IlIIIllIIIIIIIIIIIllIIIllIIIIIIIIllIIIllIlIIlIllllllIIIIllllIIIlllllllllllllllllllIllIllllllllllIIllllllllllIllllllllllllllIllIlIIIIIIIIIlIllIllllllIIIllIlllllllllilllllIlllllllllllllllllllllll - -im ' -Y Y - 4