Ellsworth Community College - Web Yearbook (Iowa Falls, IA)

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, 5 fgibiii Lf79!5'bi.:,i will TXT? 1 . i A ,if ri W ET., .sgfjll3lFlllHfj,,j i i Wil 1 l3'jVfl'jif'1iii2jl , J ., . Y,-. , -- .., f.- .14 5-115.61-. .i- - ' - -Q -EJ. X .1 N :..-.. -xggc-.4-fi' 1:-5-el --- ' Elinr Elzrhiiez 011111 Being zz Dissertation on the Descent of fllan CYRUS ALBERTSON Prelude. Several years ago a man named Darwin endeavored to explain this great problem, but owing to the rapid progress of the race his discussion is no longer timely. We have here the latest and most reliable account of man's antiquity, written in a style especially adapted to ladies, and younger readers. 4 Curtain riser. Attention! Behold what we have here. lt is a human being, called man. ls he not a queer looking creature? He was created before alarm clocks, trolley cars, baby carriages-and women. But how did he evolve? Read on and enlightenment shall come. First he was an infant. just a small, smooth shaven, red faced, fat, squally baby. His mother worshiped him because he was so handsome Che looked like his fatherj. His father grew very well acquainted with him. They often walked together at night. The neighbors understood when he had the colic, and they couldn't detect the paragoric either. But he was not always a baby. Oh, no! He soon grew into a haughty little boy. He inherited a delight for cruelty, and liked to go fishing on Sunday. He pulled the little girls, hair and brought mice to school. He had a cave in the haymow, just like his Neanderthal ancestors, and he often played pirate and Indian. O cruel fate! one day he scalped a blue-eyed china doll named Livendolyn. 'IO dry those tears, because he did not remain a boy very long. Soon he became a nice young man. He couldn't control his voice, and his hands and feet were often in the way-but has the young man been Hghting? Oh no, he just shaved for the first time. Fie on you little girls for smiling so at the young man and causing him to turn red like the sunset. But prepare to weep again. Lament over the sad fate that befell this creature- for he soon became a man. He was just a mortal man, and lacking an education in Resisting the Arts and Wiles of VV'0men,', he was unable to say non when one of these female beings asked him to be her husband. Thus his career was blighted, and you see him before you now-one of the mighty who has fallen, oneof the proud who has been humbled, one of the great who has been brot low. Examine him closely and see what a pitiable creature he is. He has many duties, being obliged to chop the wood and carry the coal, and build the fire and empty the ashes. He must. milk the cow, feed the chickens and get the breakfast while lVIother sleeps. Then, after dressing the children and starting them to school, and putting in some garden, and mowing the lawn, he kisses the woman- because she would feel badly if he did not, and think he was no longer a loving husband. But ladies, this is a small part of the daily tasks of man. To name them all would Hll many books much larger than this. lylan is found in all parts of the world. Wonieri cannot live without them, but when they get one, some cannot live with them. Beards and razors were unknown before man came. Chocolates and flowers were unprofitable until man appeared. Hammocks were never needed, and no home had a davenport previous to his advent. So, Fair Ladies, rejoice and sing songs of thanksgiving-for you will never know what it is to be a man. 143 -w?E.I :' -E-'tL1.'-A-1' 'Z??.-.' 425.7 1,, Y ff-?'?7Z'7:-fe-T 1 --v - -f-- --

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