Edwin Vare Junior High School - Pilot Yearbook (Jackson, PA)

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WHIL BUX DEAR UNCLE Tom: Every time I eat I bite my tongue. How can I prevent this? BITEUMMYTONGUE. DEAR BITEUMMYTONGUE: Cut offyour tongue. UNCLE TOBY. DEAR UNCLE TOBY: Everytime I go into the house I slam the door. My mother doesn't like this. What shall I do? FOREVERSLAMMINGDOORS. DEAR FOREVERSLAMMINGDOORS: Don,t Close the door. UNCLE TOBY. DEAR UNCLE TOBY: XVhenever I open my mouth, a fly flies in. INhat will I do? FLYMOUTH. DEAR FLYMOUTH: Keep your mouth closed. UNCLE TOBY. DEAR UNCLE Tom: I was writing with Mr. Liggettls magic pencil when suddenly it hit Whatlll I do? ALLERGICTOPENCILS. me. DEAR ALLERGICTOPENCILS: Put a muzzle on it. UNCLE TOBY. DEAR UNCLE Tom: Every time I eat too much my stomach calls me names. What can I do to please my stomach? BADINBELLY. DEAR BADINBELLY: Don : eat, starve. UNCLE Tom: DEAR UNCLE TOBY: Whenever I comb my hair with a little bit of water my hair sticks out; when I use a lot of water I look like a drowned cat. vent my hair from looking like this? How can I pre- TROUBLEWI'n-mn'HAIR. DEAR TnouBLEWITIIMYI-IAIR: Why donlt you out OK all your hair? UNCLE TOBY. DEAR UNCLE TOBY: My boyfriend ran away with my sister's friend's cousinls girlfriend. What shall I do? LOSTBOYFRIEND. DEAR LOSTBOYFRIEND: Run away with her brother. UNCLE TOBY. FAY DE PALMA, SBI. CHARLOTTE MORROW, 8B1. DEAR UNCLE TOBY: I rated a zero in my Latin test yesterday. How can I hint to the boy in front of me to write plainer without him catching on to my copy- ing? JOI-INIEWITIITHEZERO. DEAR JOIINIEWITHTHEZERO: Iust stick a pin in him. He,ll soon wise up. Or start studying yourself. UNCLE TOBY. DEAR UNCLE TOBY: I can't understand why my trousers wear out so fast. How could I make them last? HOLESINMYPAN'I'S. 32 5m: 9w

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WHY HAROLD FIENMAN DOES HIS ALGEBRA HOMEWORK EVERY NIGHT It started one night when Harold and his conscience were debating. HAROLD: Shall I go to the movies or stay home and do algebra homework? my CONSCIENCE: You better not go or Miss Wogan will fail you. ,HAROLD: XVcll, I can get it from one of my friends. CONSCIENCE: Who? HAROLD: Stanley Schecterochrnard Gilbert. CONSCIENCE: Stanley Schecter al- ways gets his algebra wrong and Bernard Gilbert may be absent. HAROLD: Bernard Gilbert may not be absent. CONSCIICNCE: Bernard Gilbert may not have it or can't do it. ' HAROLD: VVell,l have an even chance. CONSCIENCE: You better not take that chance. HAROLD: Thatls what you say. CONSCIENCE: Remember the last time I warned you, and you clidrUt listen, you were sorry afterwards. HAROLD: That was last time. CONSCIENCE: Shall I tell the readers of this story what you did? HAROLD: No, please donlt. I'll do my algebra, Illl do anything but donlt tell what I did. mand so ends the story of why Harold Fienman does his algebra homework every night. This story was written by HAROLD FIENMAN, 9A1. Now Harold has a few words for you, I just had to tell this story for if not my conscience lthe ratl would have bothered me the rest of my life. UNSCRAM BLE 'I'wrale Lwelichn Didee Tcoarn Der Klosten Yak Ysekr . Regego Nburs Reicga Laeln Joram Wbose Harceil Mycrahtc Tkea Misht Obb Oehp ??csambwwv- .- : THESE FAMOUS RADIO PERSONALITIES ll. Nigb Rcoybs 12. Uryd Alveel 13. Abyb Onskso l4. Ehryn Lardchi 15. Negln Imelrl Matthew Goodbody, 9Bl. Elvera Stanish, 9B3. Rita'Lombardi, 9B3. lAnswers on page 27'l 31 am mat GUHSCIEHCE

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DEAR HOLESINMYPANTS: By making your coat first. UNCLE T om. DEAR UNCLE TOBY: There is a corridor aide I would like to meet. gestions? Have you any sug- C. A. FAN. DEAR C. A. FAN: Nope, I don't. Ask Mr. Anthony of the Good Will Hour. If he fails, use some technique. UNCLE Tom. DEAR UNCLE Tony: How can I keep my shoes from squeaking when I walk? JOHNNEEDSOMEOIL. DEAR JOHNNEEDSOMEOIL: Roller skate. UNCLE Tom: DEAR UNCLE TOBY: I get tired from walking to school because I live far away. WEAKINTHEKNEES. DEAR hNEAKINTI-l E KNEES: Try running. . UNCLE Tom: DEAR UNCLE TOBY: How can I get my picture in the PILOT? FACELIKEAMONKEY. DEAR F ACELI KEAMONKEY: Sell $100 worth of ads for Dir. Liggett. UNCLE TOBY. DEAR UNCLE TOBY: What shall'I do when everyone laughs when I get up to dance at a dance? DONTKNOWHO'WTODANCE. DEAR DONTKNOWHOWTODANCE: Try dancing with a girl. UNCLE TOBY. DEAR UNCLE TOBY: I lose my stomach when I'm on an elevator. STOMACHTROUBLE. DEAR STOMACHTROUBLE: Hold it next time. UNCLE TOBY. RITA NOVELLA. 1. Dogs barking. 2o To wash my mother's ears. 3. A hogie is a stomach ache 2 hours before you eat. 4. Dandelions. 5, I don't know. I never counted them. . Because it tans the children. ANSWERS T0 RIDDLES 7. When he is a greyhound. z 8 Because it hasnht the face to do it. 9. Greece. 10. Miss Lay and Miss Place. 11. One is hard to get up and one is hard to get down. 12. Because no one can make it out.