Edwin Vare Junior High School - Pilot Yearbook (Jackson, PA)

Page 33 text:

WHY HAROLD FIENMAN DOES HIS ALGEBRA HOMEWORK EVERY NIGHT It started one night when Harold and his conscience were debating. HAROLD: Shall I go to the movies or stay home and do algebra homework? my CONSCIENCE: You better not go or Miss Wogan will fail you. ,HAROLD: XVcll, I can get it from one of my friends. CONSCIENCE: Who? HAROLD: Stanley Schecterochrnard Gilbert. CONSCIENCE: Stanley Schecter al- ways gets his algebra wrong and Bernard Gilbert may be absent. HAROLD: Bernard Gilbert may not be absent. CONSCIICNCE: Bernard Gilbert may not have it or can't do it. ' HAROLD: VVell,l have an even chance. CONSCIENCE: You better not take that chance. HAROLD: Thatls what you say. CONSCIENCE: Remember the last time I warned you, and you clidrUt listen, you were sorry afterwards. HAROLD: That was last time. CONSCIENCE: Shall I tell the readers of this story what you did? HAROLD: No, please donlt. I'll do my algebra, Illl do anything but donlt tell what I did. mand so ends the story of why Harold Fienman does his algebra homework every night. This story was written by HAROLD FIENMAN, 9A1. Now Harold has a few words for you, I just had to tell this story for if not my conscience lthe ratl would have bothered me the rest of my life. UNSCRAM BLE 'I'wrale Lwelichn Didee Tcoarn Der Klosten Yak Ysekr . Regego Nburs Reicga Laeln Joram Wbose Harceil Mycrahtc Tkea Misht Obb Oehp ??csambwwv- .- : THESE FAMOUS RADIO PERSONALITIES ll. Nigb Rcoybs 12. Uryd Alveel 13. Abyb Onskso l4. Ehryn Lardchi 15. Negln Imelrl Matthew Goodbody, 9Bl. Elvera Stanish, 9B3. Rita'Lombardi, 9B3. lAnswers on page 27'l 31 am mat GUHSCIEHCE

Page 32 text:

ANNOUNCER: This is Herr Schnimer reporting the news of the German forces. Today two of our bombers attacked a formation of Russian planes. Of 400 bombers we shot down 450. Our loss was one plane. Last night our forces made a direct hit on the Parliament House in London. Everything was destroyed. As our guest today we have Herr Mueller with his report. HERR MUELLER: Heil Hitler, Heil Hitler, Heil Hitler, Hitler the heel. tBang, Bang! BangD GERmHH HUS BRUHDUHSI ANNOUNCER: I am sorry but due to the circumstances Herr Mueller is out of Circulation. Flash! Earlier today our yellow friends, the laps, sank 5 American vessels killing everyone on board. Their losses were so little we won't take up time to tell you about them. In America the people are starving to death and run every time they see a plane. As an example of one of our fine soldiers we Gobbehuch. introduce Herr HERR GOBBEHUCH: One by one the soldiers on the front are dying due to the bitter cold and lack of food. If-etBang! BangD ANNOUNCER: I am sorry but our courageous soldier just had a heart attack. Well that is all the Listen in next week for further informa- tion of Hitler's forceSeHeil, Hitler? news up to this moment. HAROLD FIENMAN, 9A1. RIDDLES 1. What do you hear in the lunch- room on Monday? 2. What is your greatest am- bition in life? 3. What is a hogie? 4. What sort of lions live in the park? 5. How many legs has a thou- sand-legger? 6. Why is the sun cruel? 7. When is a black dog not a black dog? 8. Why doesn't a clock strike 13? 9. Where were the first dough- nuts fried? 10. What two ladies what they want? never find 11. What is the difference between a hill and a pill? 12. Why is the inside of every- thing mysterious? tAnswers on page 331 INTELLIGENCE TEST 1. What two countries fought in the Spanish-American War? 2. What date is February 21 in France? 3. What kind of ships are in the Swiss Navy? 4. How many germs are in Ger- many? 5. Does your head hurt when you dive into hard water? 6. Who killed the Dead Sea? 7. What was the price of a two- cent stamp in 1917? 8. What do you use for window panes? 0. On what side is the crack in the Liberty Bell? 10. How long is Long Island? 11. In what picture did General Delivery win his fame? 12. Are fifty per cent of married people women? 13. How dry is dry ice? Lillian Nelson, 981. tAnswers on page 3w

Page 34 text:

WHIL BUX DEAR UNCLE Tom: Every time I eat I bite my tongue. How can I prevent this? BITEUMMYTONGUE. DEAR BITEUMMYTONGUE: Cut offyour tongue. UNCLE TOBY. DEAR UNCLE TOBY: Everytime I go into the house I slam the door. My mother doesn't like this. What shall I do? FOREVERSLAMMINGDOORS. DEAR FOREVERSLAMMINGDOORS: Don,t Close the door. UNCLE TOBY. DEAR UNCLE TOBY: XVhenever I open my mouth, a fly flies in. INhat will I do? FLYMOUTH. DEAR FLYMOUTH: Keep your mouth closed. UNCLE TOBY. DEAR UNCLE Tom: I was writing with Mr. Liggettls magic pencil when suddenly it hit Whatlll I do? ALLERGICTOPENCILS. me. DEAR ALLERGICTOPENCILS: Put a muzzle on it. UNCLE TOBY. DEAR UNCLE Tom: Every time I eat too much my stomach calls me names. What can I do to please my stomach? BADINBELLY. DEAR BADINBELLY: Don : eat, starve. UNCLE Tom: DEAR UNCLE TOBY: Whenever I comb my hair with a little bit of water my hair sticks out; when I use a lot of water I look like a drowned cat. vent my hair from looking like this? How can I pre- TROUBLEWI'n-mn'HAIR. DEAR TnouBLEWITIIMYI-IAIR: Why donlt you out OK all your hair? UNCLE TOBY. DEAR UNCLE TOBY: My boyfriend ran away with my sister's friend's cousinls girlfriend. What shall I do? LOSTBOYFRIEND. DEAR LOSTBOYFRIEND: Run away with her brother. UNCLE TOBY. FAY DE PALMA, SBI. CHARLOTTE MORROW, 8B1. DEAR UNCLE TOBY: I rated a zero in my Latin test yesterday. How can I hint to the boy in front of me to write plainer without him catching on to my copy- ing? JOI-INIEWITIITHEZERO. DEAR JOIINIEWITHTHEZERO: Iust stick a pin in him. He,ll soon wise up. Or start studying yourself. UNCLE TOBY. DEAR UNCLE TOBY: I can't understand why my trousers wear out so fast. How could I make them last? HOLESINMYPAN'I'S. 32 5m: 9w