Edwin Vare Junior High School - Pilot Yearbook (Jackson, PA)

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ANNOUNCER: This is Herr Schnimer reporting the news of the German forces. Today two of our bombers attacked a formation of Russian planes. Of 400 bombers we shot down 450. Our loss was one plane. Last night our forces made a direct hit on the Parliament House in London. Everything was destroyed. As our guest today we have Herr Mueller with his report. HERR MUELLER: Heil Hitler, Heil Hitler, Heil Hitler, Hitler the heel. tBang, Bang! BangD GERmHH HUS BRUHDUHSI ANNOUNCER: I am sorry but due to the circumstances Herr Mueller is out of Circulation. Flash! Earlier today our yellow friends, the laps, sank 5 American vessels killing everyone on board. Their losses were so little we won't take up time to tell you about them. In America the people are starving to death and run every time they see a plane. As an example of one of our fine soldiers we Gobbehuch. introduce Herr HERR GOBBEHUCH: One by one the soldiers on the front are dying due to the bitter cold and lack of food. If-etBang! BangD ANNOUNCER: I am sorry but our courageous soldier just had a heart attack. Well that is all the Listen in next week for further informa- tion of Hitler's forceSeHeil, Hitler? news up to this moment. HAROLD FIENMAN, 9A1. RIDDLES 1. What do you hear in the lunch- room on Monday? 2. What is your greatest am- bition in life? 3. What is a hogie? 4. What sort of lions live in the park? 5. How many legs has a thou- sand-legger? 6. Why is the sun cruel? 7. When is a black dog not a black dog? 8. Why doesn't a clock strike 13? 9. Where were the first dough- nuts fried? 10. What two ladies what they want? never find 11. What is the difference between a hill and a pill? 12. Why is the inside of every- thing mysterious? tAnswers on page 331 INTELLIGENCE TEST 1. What two countries fought in the Spanish-American War? 2. What date is February 21 in France? 3. What kind of ships are in the Swiss Navy? 4. How many germs are in Ger- many? 5. Does your head hurt when you dive into hard water? 6. Who killed the Dead Sea? 7. What was the price of a two- cent stamp in 1917? 8. What do you use for window panes? 0. On what side is the crack in the Liberty Bell? 10. How long is Long Island? 11. In what picture did General Delivery win his fame? 12. Are fifty per cent of married people women? 13. How dry is dry ice? Lillian Nelson, 981. tAnswers on page 3w

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A Russian alien applied for citizenship. This is the way he answered the questions put before him. HBorn? ltYes. sir! Where? Russia. HWhat part? uAll of me.H HWhy did you leave Russia? ttl couldn,t bring it with me. uWhere were your forefathers born P uI only have one father. uYour business? Rotten! Where is Washington P Dead. 1 mean the capital of the United States. They loaned it all to Europe. uDo you promise to support the Constitution P HMe? How can 1? I've got a wife and six kids to support. FOOTBALL Boy to Grandfatherethrand- pa, when are you going to start playing football?H Grandfathere'tFootball! Why I am too old to play ball. Why did you ask? . BoyettWell, Pop said as soon as you kick off he's gonna buy a new car. LOVESICK Boy-tlllm going to kiss you. Girl-No answer. Boy tlouderletlltm going to kiss you. GirleNo answer. Boy tlouderl-ttllm going to kiss youfl GirlettWell, what are you wait- ing for, an application blank? LETTER HOME DEAR MOM: I,ve just linished my hrst week in the Army. Gee, Mom, it's swell. You know how we always got up at 4:50 back home. Well, here I can sleep until 5:30. Ain't that good? They have a nice way of getting you up; they play a tune on the bugle. Most of the fellows don't like it though, City slickers, I guess. Say Mom, tell Pa for me that we donlt have beans at every meal. We get swell food here at camp. Ya know, Mom, I thought the Sarge liked me, because he said he was going to make me a G-man. I was tickled pink, but how was I to know that a G-man is a garbage man. 1 went for a ride in a jeep the 29 Elie 91101 other day. In case you dontt know what a jeep is, it's a small Army car. Ma, that was some Fidel The Sarge was driving, and he went faster than Sarah, our horse, can go. He hit every bump in the road. Boy! was I sore when I got out of the jeep! I hear there's some kind of new car called a peep; I never saw one though. I forgot to put in that my shirt tore the other day and the Sarge put me on K. P. duty. Gosh! I never peeled so many potatoes be- fore in my life. This Army sure eats a lot. The bugle just blew for mess, Mom, so I must close. Tell Pa and Jack and Betty Lou I was asking for them. Your loving son, Elmer Jones, Private, U. S. A. HELEN CLIFTON, 9B5. HUHSEHSE

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WHY HAROLD FIENMAN DOES HIS ALGEBRA HOMEWORK EVERY NIGHT It started one night when Harold and his conscience were debating. HAROLD: Shall I go to the movies or stay home and do algebra homework? my CONSCIENCE: You better not go or Miss Wogan will fail you. ,HAROLD: XVcll, I can get it from one of my friends. CONSCIENCE: Who? HAROLD: Stanley Schecterochrnard Gilbert. CONSCIENCE: Stanley Schecter al- ways gets his algebra wrong and Bernard Gilbert may be absent. HAROLD: Bernard Gilbert may not be absent. CONSCIICNCE: Bernard Gilbert may not have it or can't do it. ' HAROLD: VVell,l have an even chance. CONSCIENCE: You better not take that chance. HAROLD: Thatls what you say. CONSCIENCE: Remember the last time I warned you, and you clidrUt listen, you were sorry afterwards. HAROLD: That was last time. CONSCIENCE: Shall I tell the readers of this story what you did? HAROLD: No, please donlt. I'll do my algebra, Illl do anything but donlt tell what I did. mand so ends the story of why Harold Fienman does his algebra homework every night. This story was written by HAROLD FIENMAN, 9A1. Now Harold has a few words for you, I just had to tell this story for if not my conscience lthe ratl would have bothered me the rest of my life. UNSCRAM BLE 'I'wrale Lwelichn Didee Tcoarn Der Klosten Yak Ysekr . Regego Nburs Reicga Laeln Joram Wbose Harceil Mycrahtc Tkea Misht Obb Oehp ??csambwwv- .- : THESE FAMOUS RADIO PERSONALITIES ll. Nigb Rcoybs 12. Uryd Alveel 13. Abyb Onskso l4. Ehryn Lardchi 15. Negln Imelrl Matthew Goodbody, 9Bl. Elvera Stanish, 9B3. Rita'Lombardi, 9B3. lAnswers on page 27'l 31 am mat GUHSCIEHCE