Edwin Vare Junior High School - Pilot Yearbook (Jackson, PA)

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A Russian alien applied for citizenship. This is the way he answered the questions put before him. HBorn? ltYes. sir! Where? Russia. HWhat part? uAll of me.H HWhy did you leave Russia? ttl couldn,t bring it with me. uWhere were your forefathers born P uI only have one father. uYour business? Rotten! Where is Washington P Dead. 1 mean the capital of the United States. They loaned it all to Europe. uDo you promise to support the Constitution P HMe? How can 1? I've got a wife and six kids to support. FOOTBALL Boy to Grandfatherethrand- pa, when are you going to start playing football?H Grandfathere'tFootball! Why I am too old to play ball. Why did you ask? . BoyettWell, Pop said as soon as you kick off he's gonna buy a new car. LOVESICK Boy-tlllm going to kiss you. Girl-No answer. Boy tlouderletlltm going to kiss you. GirleNo answer. Boy tlouderl-ttllm going to kiss youfl GirlettWell, what are you wait- ing for, an application blank? LETTER HOME DEAR MOM: I,ve just linished my hrst week in the Army. Gee, Mom, it's swell. You know how we always got up at 4:50 back home. Well, here I can sleep until 5:30. Ain't that good? They have a nice way of getting you up; they play a tune on the bugle. Most of the fellows don't like it though, City slickers, I guess. Say Mom, tell Pa for me that we donlt have beans at every meal. We get swell food here at camp. Ya know, Mom, I thought the Sarge liked me, because he said he was going to make me a G-man. I was tickled pink, but how was I to know that a G-man is a garbage man. 1 went for a ride in a jeep the 29 Elie 91101 other day. In case you dontt know what a jeep is, it's a small Army car. Ma, that was some Fidel The Sarge was driving, and he went faster than Sarah, our horse, can go. He hit every bump in the road. Boy! was I sore when I got out of the jeep! I hear there's some kind of new car called a peep; I never saw one though. I forgot to put in that my shirt tore the other day and the Sarge put me on K. P. duty. Gosh! I never peeled so many potatoes be- fore in my life. This Army sure eats a lot. The bugle just blew for mess, Mom, so I must close. Tell Pa and Jack and Betty Lou I was asking for them. Your loving son, Elmer Jones, Private, U. S. A. HELEN CLIFTON, 9B5. HUHSEHSE

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DIHHY MY HOME IS A SHAMBLES 7:30eAwakened by my father banging on the door on his way down- stairs. Go back to sleep. 7:55w80und asleep looking at a double feature starring Tyrone Power. 7:40 Awakened by my brother as he bangs his feet as softly as possible sliding clown the banister. 7:45wSound asleep looking at Clark Gable and Lana Turner in Honky Tonk. 7:50eWake up with a bleeding foot. Did Mr. Krebs say it takes 5 minutes for a person to bleed to death? May as well enjoy my last two sleeping. . 7:55e1ust about to doze off when my sister dreams she,s having a tight. 8:00eThe alarm rings. I run for my kimono and slippers only to find I was the Jack of all tools. I thought it was an air raid alarm. 8:05eThe race is on. Who out of the three of us gets washed first? 8:10--Finished counting to ten and waiting patiently for my turn. 8:15-Made a dash to get washed only to regain consciousness in the bathtub. 8:20--Last call to breakfast made by the announcer of the Breakfast Club. I wonder if we're allowed special calls. 8:25MAfter using a pack of bobby pins decide my hair would have to do for that clay. 8:50ePut in-my special call for breakfast. 8:55wstart complaining why Ilm the only one whom nobody ever calls. 8:40MThe Chimes of St. Cecilia bring to the door my girlfriend's books. The owner ran back for her sneaks. 8:42-1 start on my way to school. 8:45eReturn to fill my pen. 8:52eForgot to remember my lunch. 8:53eVValk home in a trolley. 8:59e-Arrive at school in time to hear the bell ring and remember to forget to stay home with a headache. VICTORIA TOBIA, 9B7. ttI Said No'leRepeated Johnny when Miss e asked if he did his algebra. uThis Is No Laughing Mattaw- Pm getting a P in science. 111 Never Forgetl'eThe time I was caught chewing by Miss DulTy. How Do I Know It's RealPt'v My report card will show me. ttI Don't Want to Set the World On Firetlel just want to give the Japs a hotfoot. SCHOOL HITS ttJealoustteThat girls can wear slacks, too, boys? uString of Pearls'teOn sale at 5 and 10 Cent store for 28 cents. uThe End of the Rainbow - June 24, school days are over. ttMiss Youl'-Something the teacher will not do for pupils after J une 24. ttWherever You ArettHYou will hear uno lipstick, girls in the Vare School. Marie R. Fragale, 983. ammat 28

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ANNOUNCER: This is Herr Schnimer reporting the news of the German forces. Today two of our bombers attacked a formation of Russian planes. Of 400 bombers we shot down 450. Our loss was one plane. Last night our forces made a direct hit on the Parliament House in London. Everything was destroyed. As our guest today we have Herr Mueller with his report. HERR MUELLER: Heil Hitler, Heil Hitler, Heil Hitler, Hitler the heel. tBang, Bang! BangD GERmHH HUS BRUHDUHSI ANNOUNCER: I am sorry but due to the circumstances Herr Mueller is out of Circulation. Flash! Earlier today our yellow friends, the laps, sank 5 American vessels killing everyone on board. Their losses were so little we won't take up time to tell you about them. In America the people are starving to death and run every time they see a plane. As an example of one of our fine soldiers we Gobbehuch. introduce Herr HERR GOBBEHUCH: One by one the soldiers on the front are dying due to the bitter cold and lack of food. If-etBang! BangD ANNOUNCER: I am sorry but our courageous soldier just had a heart attack. Well that is all the Listen in next week for further informa- tion of Hitler's forceSeHeil, Hitler? news up to this moment. HAROLD FIENMAN, 9A1. RIDDLES 1. What do you hear in the lunch- room on Monday? 2. What is your greatest am- bition in life? 3. What is a hogie? 4. What sort of lions live in the park? 5. How many legs has a thou- sand-legger? 6. Why is the sun cruel? 7. When is a black dog not a black dog? 8. Why doesn't a clock strike 13? 9. Where were the first dough- nuts fried? 10. What two ladies what they want? never find 11. What is the difference between a hill and a pill? 12. Why is the inside of every- thing mysterious? tAnswers on page 331 INTELLIGENCE TEST 1. What two countries fought in the Spanish-American War? 2. What date is February 21 in France? 3. What kind of ships are in the Swiss Navy? 4. How many germs are in Ger- many? 5. Does your head hurt when you dive into hard water? 6. Who killed the Dead Sea? 7. What was the price of a two- cent stamp in 1917? 8. What do you use for window panes? 0. On what side is the crack in the Liberty Bell? 10. How long is Long Island? 11. In what picture did General Delivery win his fame? 12. Are fifty per cent of married people women? 13. How dry is dry ice? Lillian Nelson, 981. tAnswers on page 3w