Edwin Vare Junior High School - Pilot Yearbook (Jackson, PA)

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JANE: Any lives lost? TED: Yes, 1000 souls. JANE: Any other interesting news? TED: A big fight at the bakery. A stale loaf got fresh. JANE tabout to leavel: Say, Ted, I just. noticed the loud socks you're wearing. TED: I wear them to keep my feet awake. JANE: Before I go will you marry me? TED: Why this is so sudden. DANTE ARDITI, 9135. Doms I'IAU BER, 9B3. THE RADIO ROUNDTABLE ANNOUNCER: Hello, hello, and hello, all you ducky wucky fans of the Radio Rouncltable - Program. Once again Jink's Pinkey Winksy Lotion, the lotion that has all the American women smelling, pre- sents this interesting as well as educational program. Tonight the topic is How will the drips and droops of radio carry on when Tele- vision takes over. We will get back to that later for now we have two beautiful Hollywood stars that will say a couple of words about Jink's Pinksy W'inksy Lotion. Ladies and gentlemen may I pre- sent Alice Pay and Betty Table. ALICE PAY AND BETTY TABLE: It smells. ANNOUNCER: Thank you ladies for your couple of words. Now to get back to our Radio :Roundtable. Our guests tonight arez. tDripsl Guy Lumhago, Robber Ripley, Wilber Pinchell, Jackie Bunny, Edgar Berger, Dr. I See You, Lanny Boss, Colonel Bowes, Fatso Smith, lean Autry; tDroopQ Cecil 21 93h 91m B. DePill, Blue Spelton, Bob Char- ity, Bob Burner, Boris Hieghts, Dripper McKey and Polly, Kay Miser, Bing Double-crosser, Rudy Vallet, Skinny Maxwell. Boms HIEGHTS: Well, I see that at last they have assembled all of radids top personalities on one program. ROBBER RIPLEY: Believe it or not. DRIPPER iMc KEY: And from the viewpoint of a watchful observer 1 would say this might be the last program we ever broadcast, from the way television is closing in on us. Why, I can remember when there was no radio. I suppose you wouldn't believe me if I told you that I was the true inventor of the radio? POLLY MC KEY: We wouldrft. COLONEL BOWES: But now, let's get back to the present day. I would like to know what part I can play in television. RUDY VALLET: Pm sure I can go right on tiiom radio to television since I have a good voice and good looks. Dontt you think so? EVERYBODY: No. FATSO SMITH: Well, I hear theyill be using scenery in television so Skinny Maxwell and myself can be used as the sides of houses. SKINNY MAXWELL: Why, Fatso, I'm insulted. KAY MISER: Well as Boris I-Iieghts, Guy Lumbago and my- self, our music will probably get us into television. GUY LUMBAGO: Remember in tele- vision they see our faces, Mr. Miser. BOB CHARITY: Well, that leaves Blue Spelton, Jackie Bunny, Bob Burner, Edgar Berger and myself out. BING DOUBLE-CROSSER: To tell the truth I think my voice, the best for

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I reached Little Big Horn and sighted Custer I ran over to him. By the time we finished saying hello all the men were hilt. Just me and Custer were left. We were shooting it out until we ran out of ammunition. Then I took out an old Evening Bulletin and made spitballs and threw them at the Indians. Believe it or not folks the spitballs held off the Indians for three days. But in due time me and my pard were kilt. Folks, this is Grandpappy Gride iron Gert saying so long till next week. ANNOUNCER: Next week, same time, same station, Grandpappy Grid- iron Gert will be with you again. Until then don,t buyeerel mean buy the large century size bottle of Horrified Face Cream. It is guaranteed for lifeeGood-night all. STANLEY SCHECTER, 9A1. RESTAURAN T ROMANCE SCENE I TIME: 11:45 PLACE: Sloppy Joe's Restaurant Ted Using enters Sloppy Joe's and sits besides a female flirt. TED: Madam, my name is Ted Using. SHE: And my name is Jane Brown but you can call me Babe. TED: Glad to meet you. Say do you know I am a play writer? JANE tsurprisedl: You are! Isntt that grand! Have you sold any- thing? TED: Why, yes, I sold my hat, my coat, and a pound box of sugar. JANE: That,s too bad, dearie. TED: Yea, but that's the world today. JANE: How long were your plays? TED: One play was two sheets. JANE: You mean to tell me it was only two sheets long? TED: Sure it's all about a woman hanging wash on the line and she only had two sheets. JANE: You look like Superman. What do you do to get so? TED: Oh, me, I sleep on the roof with my brother. JANE: Is your brother as handsome as you? TED: He was until he got out on the wrong,r side of bed. JANE: You have a lot of trouble like my Aunt Sue. TED: What happened to her? JANE: She got her face lifted and when she saw the bill it dropped. TED: How about some eats? JANE: Okay. WAITER: What can I do for you. sir? TED: Join the Army. JANE: He wants an order and he, get it for you. TED: Get me a rubber tire. W7AITER: How dare you, sir! tHe walks away and two Chinamen enterJ FIRST CHINAMAN: What can humble servant do? TED: Say, what's your names? F IRST CHINAMAN: I Sing. SECOND CHINAMAN: We Sing. TED: You must be related to me. My name is Using. Well, anyway get me some oysters. Not too cold or hot and not big or too old or young. CHINAMAN: Velly well, with or without pearls? TED: Go away. NEWSPAPER BOY: Newspaper, sir? TED: Sure, here,s the money. JANE: Whatis the headlines? TED: A dreadful tire occurred at a shoe factory. you want .9719. 9M 20

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in the world, will bring me to great heights in television. LANNY BOSS: Oh, look whois talking. BING DOUBLE-CROSSER: Yeah, look who's talking. VV'ant to make something out of it? CECIL B. DE PILL: Professionally, speaking I believe I'm the only one who will go on television in spite of the fact that my mug isn't a Tyrone Powerls. It is my firm belief that there is no place in television for horses. JEAN AUTRY: That leaves me and Champ out. ANNOUNCER: So very sorry, but time is up. WILBER PINCHELL: Well then, good- bye Mr. and Mrs. America and hello to Television, the radio of the future. DR. I SEE YOU: Good-hye everybody a had to get that guy in some- wherel. MATTHEW GOODBODY, 9B1. ' PUSH BUTTON STATIC Mr. and Mrs. Newlywed were the proud parents of 10 children. Now the Newlyweds bought a nice new, third hand-me-down radio, and each child liked a different program, something better than static and advertising could be heard coming over the clothesline. uDon't forget ladies, use Jello . for laundering your fine lingerie . . It is especially fine for scrubbing Hoors . Here come the Hammy . and are especially good when fried, baked and broiled and come . Donit for- sisters now already dressed get, the name is B-I-Bi . . often called Chopinls Seventh Symphony . which will be heard over with Jarvis afternoon . . . at midnight . Stir in one cup of sugar and . . . one suit with two pairs of trousers . You'll look as stunning in it as . . a ready-dressed turkey . Donit forget that baby-voiced . can say HJivini tomorrow . Bonnie Baker . . better never than now. Beverly Schafer, 9B7. Mama . . THE LIFE OF A RADIO AND THE DEATH OF ME The. saying that life ends at 40 is a very true saying, at least in the case of Katherine Rebecca Jane, whom weill call Jane for short. Oh yes, Jane was very lively at 40 tin a vety deadly sort of wayl. Every time lid try to listen to a short wave broadcast in the radio, she'd start heating it out on drums; only these drums sounded like the Morse code over a micro- phone. Oh, yes, Jane was lively. On her 40th birthday, she suddenly broke down. Instead of trying for the Metropolitan Opera, as she always did when we wanted to lis- ten to tlJivini with Jarvis, she started singing tiNobody Loves Me. Now this was terrible! One day, her heart stopped ticking! Rushing into the living room, we found her, still perched on her favorite sitting place, the table, just as gay when dead as when alive. Yes, yes, Jane was a lively thing. P. S. You can find her in the junkyard; the favorite burial place for radios. Beverly Schafer, 9B7. 22 Elite 91m