Edwin Vare Junior High School - Pilot Yearbook (Jackson, PA)

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COSTELLO: Get him off! Get him off! Get him off! TEACHER: Just for that you both are going, to stand in the corner. Hurry up! COSTELLO: Yo, Abbott, Abbott. I'm tired. ABBOTT: Well, what do you want me to do about it? I know. You go over and punch her in the nose and give her a piece of your mind. COSTELLO: I can't do that. ABBOTT: Why? COSTELLO: I dontt have a mind. ABBOTT. Get out of here, hurry up, go tell her. COSTELLO: Oky doke. Miss Terry, can I talk to you? TEACI-nck: ch-wel-l-l? COSTELLO: I don't want to say noth- ing now. ABBOTT: I'm ashamed of you, not even telling her. TEACHER: Say, Costello, where is you friend Abbott? COSTELLO: He,s standing up. TEACHER: I don't see him anywhere. ABBOTT: How do you expect to? He's standing in back of me. t2:l5eICIuh periodi COSTELLO: Yo Abbott, yo Abbott. ABBOTT: What do you want? COSTELLO: Look where they got me. In the back with a knitting needle. ABBOTT: You should be glad to help your country. Aren't you glad? COSTELLO: 0h Abbott, Itm a bad boy. ABBOTT: You see, Louie, everyone should try to do their part to help their country by buying defense stamps and bonds. COS'I'ELLO: You know what I'm going to do. I'm going to knit and so are you till you knit, knit and knit ourselves out of this crazy house. 19 filie 91301 GRANDPAPPY AND THE BATTLE OF LITTLE BIG HORN ANNOUNCER: Horrified Face Cream presents Grandpappy Gridiron Gert. Does your face hurt you? Are you ashamed of your complexion? Are people talking about your skin? If so use Horritied Face Cream. Now, once again we will hear another immortal true to life story ttrue to life, dontt make me laughi of Grandpappy. Here he is himselfeGrandpappy Grid- iron Gert. GRANDPAPPY: Howdy, folks! Today I think Itll tell you of the time me and my pard Custer, you know, General Custer, fought at Little Big Horn. Well, folks it was this way. Me and my pard Custer were in the Army, but I quit be- cause Custer became a General and I became Admiral of the dish pots. For years good old Custer looked for me after we parted, hut luck was against him. I was nowhere to be found a was in jaiD. One day, eighteen years later I was once again free. The first thing I did was go over to Mikeis place where I had a coca- CoIa. Glancing around the room I saw a radio. I put on Station KYW and heard Bob Trout and the news. Good evening, everyone. This is Bob Trout bringing you the Iast-minute news. Custer and his boys are having a tough time at Little Big Horn. Sitting Bull sure is dishing it outf' Hearing that I ran outside and jumped on my horse. Hi Ho Silver! The hoof beats of the great horse Silver, the long path of dust, the Lone Ranger rides again. When

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SHITS man I l ABBOTT AND COSTELLO VISIT VARE CHARACTERS: Abbott, Costello, a stu- dent of Vare, Miss Terry. T IME: 8:45 PLACE: Vare Junior High ABBOTT: Well, hereIs Vare School. COSTELLO: VareIs School? Who's got a school? I ain,t got a school. Why should Vare have a school? I dunno, do you, Abbott? ABBOTT: I guess not. COSTELLO: If you don't know, why did you say this is Vare;s school? ABBOTT: Say, here's a boy who might direct us. Say, boy, tell us how to get into Vare. BOY: You walk around the block five times and turn left. COSTELLO: You turn left? BOY: ThatIs right. COSTELLO: What's right? BOY: Left! COSTELLO: How can left be right? When the right is left. BOY: Sure, I said the left,s right. COSTELLO: WhatIs right? BOY: The left? COSTELLO: Here we go again! Yo, Abbott, get me out of this, will you? ABBOTT: Come on, Louie, let's get out of here and go left. COSTELLO: Right. ABBOTT: No, left. COSTELLO: Right. ABBOTT: L-e-f-t. COSTELLO: O. K. You don't have to grab me like you were going to sock me. ABBOTT: I am. COSTELLO: Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! IThey enter the schooH Look, Abbott, I could see my face in the wall. ABBOTT: What do you mean you could see yourself in the wall? That's a marble wall. COSTELLO: Sure, aintt I cute? You know what my girlfriend said last night? But I don't believe her! I'm still cute, airft I? ABBOTT: No, what did your girl- friend say last night? COSTELLO: Well, you see it was like ewell she saide-welIeI'm too fat. But I think I,m cute. ABBOTT: She wasxft kidding. COSTELLO: What do you mean? Do you want to fight about it? ABBOTT: Why you yellow so-ancI-so. Look, here comes a teacher. COSTELLO: 011. A teach-her. WhoIs going to teach her? I'm not be- cause IIm too smart. ABBOTT: Hello, teacher. TEACHER: My dear sir, please address me as Miss Terry. COSTELLO: Did you say Miss? TEACHER: I did. ABBOTT: Now, see what you did? Come on, let's go in the room. tThey enter the room.I COSTELLO: Yo! Abbott, Abbott, look! Miss Terry the fifth again? TEACHER: Say, young man, what is your name? ABBOTT: Bud Abbott. TEACHER: Will you please be seated. ABBOTT: I am seated. TEACHER: I mean sit down. ABBOTT: I am sitting. TEACHER: Were are you sitting? ABBOTT: On Costello. TEACHER: VVhoIs this Costello per- son? Elie 9M 18

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I reached Little Big Horn and sighted Custer I ran over to him. By the time we finished saying hello all the men were hilt. Just me and Custer were left. We were shooting it out until we ran out of ammunition. Then I took out an old Evening Bulletin and made spitballs and threw them at the Indians. Believe it or not folks the spitballs held off the Indians for three days. But in due time me and my pard were kilt. Folks, this is Grandpappy Gride iron Gert saying so long till next week. ANNOUNCER: Next week, same time, same station, Grandpappy Grid- iron Gert will be with you again. Until then don,t buyeerel mean buy the large century size bottle of Horrified Face Cream. It is guaranteed for lifeeGood-night all. STANLEY SCHECTER, 9A1. RESTAURAN T ROMANCE SCENE I TIME: 11:45 PLACE: Sloppy Joe's Restaurant Ted Using enters Sloppy Joe's and sits besides a female flirt. TED: Madam, my name is Ted Using. SHE: And my name is Jane Brown but you can call me Babe. TED: Glad to meet you. Say do you know I am a play writer? JANE tsurprisedl: You are! Isntt that grand! Have you sold any- thing? TED: Why, yes, I sold my hat, my coat, and a pound box of sugar. JANE: That,s too bad, dearie. TED: Yea, but that's the world today. JANE: How long were your plays? TED: One play was two sheets. JANE: You mean to tell me it was only two sheets long? TED: Sure it's all about a woman hanging wash on the line and she only had two sheets. JANE: You look like Superman. What do you do to get so? TED: Oh, me, I sleep on the roof with my brother. JANE: Is your brother as handsome as you? TED: He was until he got out on the wrong,r side of bed. JANE: You have a lot of trouble like my Aunt Sue. TED: What happened to her? JANE: She got her face lifted and when she saw the bill it dropped. TED: How about some eats? JANE: Okay. WAITER: What can I do for you. sir? TED: Join the Army. JANE: He wants an order and he, get it for you. TED: Get me a rubber tire. W7AITER: How dare you, sir! tHe walks away and two Chinamen enterJ FIRST CHINAMAN: What can humble servant do? TED: Say, what's your names? F IRST CHINAMAN: I Sing. SECOND CHINAMAN: We Sing. TED: You must be related to me. My name is Using. Well, anyway get me some oysters. Not too cold or hot and not big or too old or young. CHINAMAN: Velly well, with or without pearls? TED: Go away. NEWSPAPER BOY: Newspaper, sir? TED: Sure, here,s the money. JANE: Whatis the headlines? TED: A dreadful tire occurred at a shoe factory. you want .9719. 9M 20