Edwin Vare Junior High School - Pilot Yearbook (Jackson, PA)

Page 20 text:

SHITS man I l ABBOTT AND COSTELLO VISIT VARE CHARACTERS: Abbott, Costello, a stu- dent of Vare, Miss Terry. T IME: 8:45 PLACE: Vare Junior High ABBOTT: Well, hereIs Vare School. COSTELLO: VareIs School? Who's got a school? I ain,t got a school. Why should Vare have a school? I dunno, do you, Abbott? ABBOTT: I guess not. COSTELLO: If you don't know, why did you say this is Vare;s school? ABBOTT: Say, here's a boy who might direct us. Say, boy, tell us how to get into Vare. BOY: You walk around the block five times and turn left. COSTELLO: You turn left? BOY: ThatIs right. COSTELLO: What's right? BOY: Left! COSTELLO: How can left be right? When the right is left. BOY: Sure, I said the left,s right. COSTELLO: WhatIs right? BOY: The left? COSTELLO: Here we go again! Yo, Abbott, get me out of this, will you? ABBOTT: Come on, Louie, let's get out of here and go left. COSTELLO: Right. ABBOTT: No, left. COSTELLO: Right. ABBOTT: L-e-f-t. COSTELLO: O. K. You don't have to grab me like you were going to sock me. ABBOTT: I am. COSTELLO: Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! IThey enter the schooH Look, Abbott, I could see my face in the wall. ABBOTT: What do you mean you could see yourself in the wall? That's a marble wall. COSTELLO: Sure, aintt I cute? You know what my girlfriend said last night? But I don't believe her! I'm still cute, airft I? ABBOTT: No, what did your girl- friend say last night? COSTELLO: Well, you see it was like ewell she saide-welIeI'm too fat. But I think I,m cute. ABBOTT: She wasxft kidding. COSTELLO: What do you mean? Do you want to fight about it? ABBOTT: Why you yellow so-ancI-so. Look, here comes a teacher. COSTELLO: 011. A teach-her. WhoIs going to teach her? I'm not be- cause IIm too smart. ABBOTT: Hello, teacher. TEACHER: My dear sir, please address me as Miss Terry. COSTELLO: Did you say Miss? TEACHER: I did. ABBOTT: Now, see what you did? Come on, let's go in the room. tThey enter the room.I COSTELLO: Yo! Abbott, Abbott, look! Miss Terry the fifth again? TEACHER: Say, young man, what is your name? ABBOTT: Bud Abbott. TEACHER: Will you please be seated. ABBOTT: I am seated. TEACHER: I mean sit down. ABBOTT: I am sitting. TEACHER: Were are you sitting? ABBOTT: On Costello. TEACHER: VVhoIs this Costello per- son? Elie 9M 18

Page 19 text:

The natives were Habbergasted, bamboozled, and taken in. The next thing Jim knew they were all bowing down to him. Oh 'boy, thought Jim, they think Buddy $3994. Wait until they see him smoking a Cigarette. The natives looked up and saw the smoke from the Cigarette pouring out of Buddy's mouth. They made wild gestures to each other, and mumbled and talked in their native tongue. One drew a knife and the look on his face as he made a reach for Buddy y twho was sitting on Jimts lapl convinced Jim it was time to make his exit. Jim started to run. The natives followed. They were gaining on him and he was tiring. What could he do? He did the only thing that could possibly save his life, he threw them his beloved dummy, Buddy. By the time the natives had finished massacring Buddy, Jimmy was on the ship. Whatts your hurry, son? asked the captain. Jim didn,t have to answer. One look told the captain the whole story. IRENE GAYGAN, 9B2. at A SUDDEN DECISION Tommy, come up to bed this minute, it's late, said Tommyts mother furiously. Aw, gee, Mom, I gotta finish this model airplane tonight, was Tommyts reply. His mother agreed to let Tommy have another half-hour before going to bed. So absorbed. in. his work was Tommy that he didntt see the dark shadows creeping through the window until they cast a reflection over his work. Nervously he wondered where they came from and walked slowly backwards until he reached the door. A bang! A crash! and Tommy clashed like lightning up the stairs. Quickly without hesitation he got into bed. Surprised at Tommy,s hasty departure for bed his mother asked him if he was very tired. Oh, no, replied Tommy! I can finish it tomorrow. And so Tommy went to dreamland hoping that he may never experience a fright like that again. PHILOMENA PILI,:SB5.

Page 21 text:

COSTELLO: Get him off! Get him off! Get him off! TEACHER: Just for that you both are going, to stand in the corner. Hurry up! COSTELLO: Yo, Abbott, Abbott. I'm tired. ABBOTT: Well, what do you want me to do about it? I know. You go over and punch her in the nose and give her a piece of your mind. COSTELLO: I can't do that. ABBOTT: Why? COSTELLO: I dontt have a mind. ABBOTT. Get out of here, hurry up, go tell her. COSTELLO: Oky doke. Miss Terry, can I talk to you? TEACI-nck: ch-wel-l-l? COSTELLO: I don't want to say noth- ing now. ABBOTT: I'm ashamed of you, not even telling her. TEACHER: Say, Costello, where is you friend Abbott? COSTELLO: He,s standing up. TEACHER: I don't see him anywhere. ABBOTT: How do you expect to? He's standing in back of me. t2:l5eICIuh periodi COSTELLO: Yo Abbott, yo Abbott. ABBOTT: What do you want? COSTELLO: Look where they got me. In the back with a knitting needle. ABBOTT: You should be glad to help your country. Aren't you glad? COSTELLO: 0h Abbott, Itm a bad boy. ABBOTT: You see, Louie, everyone should try to do their part to help their country by buying defense stamps and bonds. COS'I'ELLO: You know what I'm going to do. I'm going to knit and so are you till you knit, knit and knit ourselves out of this crazy house. 19 filie 91301 GRANDPAPPY AND THE BATTLE OF LITTLE BIG HORN ANNOUNCER: Horrified Face Cream presents Grandpappy Gridiron Gert. Does your face hurt you? Are you ashamed of your complexion? Are people talking about your skin? If so use Horritied Face Cream. Now, once again we will hear another immortal true to life story ttrue to life, dontt make me laughi of Grandpappy. Here he is himselfeGrandpappy Grid- iron Gert. GRANDPAPPY: Howdy, folks! Today I think Itll tell you of the time me and my pard Custer, you know, General Custer, fought at Little Big Horn. Well, folks it was this way. Me and my pard Custer were in the Army, but I quit be- cause Custer became a General and I became Admiral of the dish pots. For years good old Custer looked for me after we parted, hut luck was against him. I was nowhere to be found a was in jaiD. One day, eighteen years later I was once again free. The first thing I did was go over to Mikeis place where I had a coca- CoIa. Glancing around the room I saw a radio. I put on Station KYW and heard Bob Trout and the news. Good evening, everyone. This is Bob Trout bringing you the Iast-minute news. Custer and his boys are having a tough time at Little Big Horn. Sitting Bull sure is dishing it outf' Hearing that I ran outside and jumped on my horse. Hi Ho Silver! The hoof beats of the great horse Silver, the long path of dust, the Lone Ranger rides again. When