Eckerd College - Logos Yearbook (St Petersburg, FL)

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Maybe I should write a nice, cheerful letter. After all the news about school, somewhere near the bottom of the second page, I could Jst casually mention the fact that l'm iregnant, and then go on. No, better than hat would be the dramatic flavor of a elegram. They'd really eat that up, especially Elise. Failed psych mid-term stop probably iregnant stop love Lynn. That does have iossibilities. A bit stark, but then it would ertainly have their undivided attention. Best if all would be an announcement for the ociety page: Lynn Jamison, daughter of the vealthy Ralph Jamisons of fashionable Vestchester and equally fashionable Bar larbour, is pregnant. Having decided to orego the usual round of pre-nuptial parties s well as the traditional wedding ceremony, his pert and vivacious college sophomore has ot yet announced whether she will seek an bortion or place the infant for adoption. Maybe l'Il call. First my voice cracks then he tears would start. On cue, Elise could egin sobbing. Dad would ask why she was rying for God's sake, and get mad when he ouIdn't understand what she was mumbling. lise is at her best with wet eyes and 'embling lips and she knows it. Dad knows it, Do, but he still suckers. Confusion and wcoherency always bring out his best uthoritarian instincts. In his rn-important-sdyou'd-just-better-listen voice e would get on the phone and demand to now what was going on. lt's easy to say the fords silently, and we have decided that I ave to tell my parents, but when the moment comes, I know I'Il blow it and start aying l'm sorry and that I didn't mean it 'hen I don't really think l'm sorry about any f it. No, Daddy, I wasn't raped and we won't file suit and I don t want to talk to a lawyer Next he would order me to come home immediately so the subject could be discussed in a civilized manner without resorting to lower class hysteria He will be hurt but not want to show it The thought of an unknown boy touching me and making love to me will really tear him up It s been so long since he really looked at me or wanted to know what I was doing All of his money will not keep me a child or make him a father His artificially constructed little world will come tumbling down when his worst fears are realized and he finds out that I do the same things he did when he was young Hell dig up an obliging friend of the family to help me out and then the incident will be officially closed as far as hes concerned A not an earthshaking event Elise on the other hand will be personally offended that I would do this to her like I really did it on purpose to spite her Shell have at least one fainting spell and maybe she could work up a few heart palpitations Darn they wear me out Maybe tomorrow Ill decide how to tell them and then someone else can take charge What a stupid Idea to come to Lauderdale anyway Cooped up in this damned room for a whole week with a bunch of stupid girls just begging to get screwed and these damned sleeping pills never work I dont plan on being awake when the herd comes in full of he said this and she did that A couple extra won t hurt anything If I go home they would meet me at JFK After Elise fluttered around for a while pretending to be happy to see me and after Dad had bossed some porters around trying to , . minor bit of unpleasantness to be sure, but I The distance from the back seat to the front is beyond measure. Those enthroned in the front seat are dominant and powerful. They see the road far ahead and they push buttons to make instruments work. They exude beauty and sophistication. They know they're rich and their friends tell them they're fascinating. They can be clever, slippery, and mean as a squirrel if cornered. They are brittle, hollow, and adored by an elite web of sticky-footed spider people who serve them lovingly to their winter-tanned faces while frantically trying to pull the strings tight enough to wipe off their cocky grins. Back seats are for losers. I hate back seats but Elise hates more to be crowded in front, so I must sit alone in back. The more Elise would chatter, the louder the silence would grow. Dad would stare at the wavy line of concrete expressway as if he had never seen it before, and I would be able to tell by the back of his neck and knuckles retrieve my suitcases, we would get in the car and I would be alone with them. I would try to make myself tiny and pathetic in the back seat of Elise's Buick. I always had to call her Elise because she hates the sound of the word Mom. It reminds her of a cow's udder. Anyway, it would be her car. Each year Elise gets a new baby-blue Electra 225. Dad usually sticks to something a little sportier and keeps it for two years. We don't drive Continentals because they are ostentatious and we no longer drive Cadillacs because all the Jews and Negroes have ruined what used to be America's prestige automobile. Or anyway, that's Dad's theory. His theories are considered law because Elise is too dumb to have an opinion of her own and I just don't care.

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E 0 .saga .WU ::.o Q-P O GD on-1 :H P 32 fd'- 54.1 .SLE Qi I-I-Eels 391'-'w at 35,5 .on 1 91 CH S, o S.-E0 Gia: S-4 on the wheel that I was in trouble. Sometimes at night when I was alone in the back seat and getting a little bit sleepy, I liked to push my face against the car window and look up through the wavy glass at the vapor lights. If I let my eyes get just a little out of focus, the purple mist stopped being lights on the road and all sorts of really nice things came. Sometimes there were huge hungry eyes of giant flying saucers spying on Long Island and New York and Westchester and Scarsdale and White Plains. Sometimes gobs and garlands of glowing cotton candy looped like decorations on Christmas tree concrete poles floated by in a dizzy blue. I could see Fourth of July pinwheels explode in pinkness and whiteness and lightness. The warm light was friendly and called to me, but my body is heavy and warm in the back seat. They could not see me from the front seat and I want to call out so they remember that I am there, but my voice will not work. Nly eyes are heavy but I see eager flames reaching out to touch and lick and kiss as they hurry into the soft cushions. They won't let me open the window. I'm so hot and they are cool in the front seat and do not know how hard it is to see through the smoke and to breathe hot air. When I tell them that they must open the windows, they do not listen and drive so fast that my voice is pushed back into me. Pink tongues of flame made crisp brown edges around the closet door and the white cotton rug shrivels in black spirals. Touching the suitcases and tasting each crack in the floor, the huge hot beast devours. It is too hot to cry, too close to run from, and I have no voice and can not run. Kathy Hagan