Eastwood High School - Gazette Yearbook (Edmonton, Alberta Canada)

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50 E. H. S. YEAR BOOK CONSTITUTION Constitution how I love it! Seems to me it never ends. King and Commons, Lords and Judges On and on it ever wends How I thank my guardian angel Or my guiding star instead That I wasn’t saved for later Say! three hundred years ahead, For in days of rapid changes Writers work for all they’re worth Trying to outdo each other Adding to the text-book’s girth. History, Algebra, Geometry, Trig. Was Gladstone a Tory or was he a Whig? Chemistry, Latin and Literature, too; Memory work, Heavens, what am I to do? Next will be Spare, Oh blessed respite, Betty, my friend, is this essay all right? Mr. Leaver: Give me an example of a collective noun. Harry Abram: An ash can. Mr. Younie: What is steam? John Coyne: Steam is water gone crazy with the heat. “That’s the guy I’m laying for,” said the hen as farmer Sid Reid crossed the yard. A kipper coster’s cart upset and all the poor fish fell in the mud. A crowd gathered and one small man crept up behind Eleanor Douglas. “What a waste,” he cried when he saw the scene of disorder. Eleanor Douglas turned around angrily and said “Mind your own business will you?” He: I’ve an awful cold in my head. She: Well, that’s something, anyhow! Oren Baker: What do you associate with the word mutton? Horace Hooker: Jeff. Wife: “A Chinese general has given orders that no man shall marry until the country is settled again.” Absent-Minded Husband: “One scrap at a time, eh?” Mother: “What are you doing out there, Mary?” Mary: “I’m looking at the moon, mother.” Mother: “Well, tell the moon to go home. It’s half-past eleven. The young man had a strenuous time at a dance with a novice. He limped painfully off the floor and sat down with a wry grimace. “What’s the matter?” asked his friend. “Matter!” groaned the dancer. “I don’t mind having ‘rings on my fingers’ but I cannot stand ‘belles cn my toes’!”

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49 E. H. S. YEAR BOOK HUMOR Horace Horne: See that girl over there ? Willard Walker: Yes. Horace Horne: Well, she bought a dress and she has the first installment on. on the installment plan, Mr. McCoy (During geography period) : You can scarcely credit the power of Niagara Falls. Do you know that when we first saw them my wife couldn’t speak for a whole minute. Mona Watson: I take long walks for my complexion. Bob Bowyer: That’s the worst of living so far from a drug store isn’t it ? Mr. McGuire (in science lesson) : What is an iceberg, Ruby? Ruby Jeffels: Its a kind of permanent wave, sir. Miss Cato: Albert, I wish you would stop acting the fool. Voice from rear: That’s the trouble; he isn’t acting. Eldon Reid: I’m tired of always being the goat. Dora Wootton: Then, why don’t you stop butting in. “Waiter, I want some oysters. But they mustn’t be too large or too small, too old or too tough, and they mustn’t be too salty. I want them cold and I want them at once. Frank Hall: Yes, sir, with or without pearls? Miss Howard (looking at her watch) : As we have a few minutes to spare I should like to have someone ask a question. Robert Douglas: What time is it please? THE LAB—ROOM 19 Chamber of antinasal vapors How oft have I breathed thy eruptions Dost ever think of thy occupants—when Thou emit forth thy putrid H 2 S Thou hast no feeling—soul nor humanity Ah me! for a single brief respite To clear my swimming brain with purer air How dost expect one to praise thee Upon harassing him with thy vile odors. On crossing thy threshold Methinks some person has smitten me With myriads of over-ripe eggs Oft too dost thou smell like a hospital And yet thou hast thy good points Thy corps of labelled bottles bestir mine curiosity To experience is to profit intellectually So—how cautiously do I remove the top of one Should’st I sniff?—‘Yea,’ says conscience. So whats to do about it—somebody turned out the light and I went to sleep.

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E. H. S. YEAR BOOK 51 The Year Book’s a great invention The school gets all the fame The printer gets all the money And the editor gets all the blame. Miss Crilley (during art period) : “Sir Joshua Reynolds was able with a single stroke of the brush to change a smiling face into a frown¬ ing one.” Gertrude Fraser: “That’s nothing, my father can do that, too.” Try as he would, Wilson could not cure himself of the habit of snoring. Finally he decided to consult his doctor. The doctor looked him up and down. “Does your snoring disturb your wife ?” he asked. Wilson looked surprised. “Disturb the wife?” he echoes. “Why, it disturbs the whole con¬ gregation.” It was in Samson’s younger days before he was vamped by Delilah. It was also a snappy October evening when his old man found him scuttling through the back yard with something massive perched on his shoulders. “Hey!” shouted Old Man Samson, “what are you doing with the City Gate ?” “Aw, Pa,” retorted the child, “wasn’t you a kid once yourself? It’s Hallowe’en.” A pessimist is one who would look for splinters in a club sandwich. A waffle is a pancake with a non-skid tread. A chemist says the first alcohol ever distilled was Arabian; which may explain those nights. “Feyther,” said little Terrence, “wasn’t it Patrick Henry who said ‘Let us have peace’?” “Niver!” roared old McCarthy, “no man by the name of Path-rick iver said such a thing.” A FORD PSALM The Ford is my car, I shall not want another, It maketh me lie down in wet places, It leadeth me into deep waters, It annoyeth my soul, It leadeth me in the paths of ridicule for its name’s sake. Yea, though I run down the valley 1 am towed up the hills, I fear much evil while it is with me, Its rods and its engine discomfort me, It prepareth a breakdown in the presence of mine enemies, It annointeth mine head with oil, Its tank runneth over. Surely to goodness the darned thing won’t follow me all the days of my life, Or I shall dwell in the house of the insane forever. Bob Price, on History Test—The great fire in London did much good. It cleared the city of the plague and burned down 59 churches.