Eastwood High School - Gazette Yearbook (Edmonton, Alberta Canada)

Page 51 text:

49 E. H. S. YEAR BOOK HUMOR Horace Horne: See that girl over there ? Willard Walker: Yes. Horace Horne: Well, she bought a dress and she has the first installment on. on the installment plan, Mr. McCoy (During geography period) : You can scarcely credit the power of Niagara Falls. Do you know that when we first saw them my wife couldn’t speak for a whole minute. Mona Watson: I take long walks for my complexion. Bob Bowyer: That’s the worst of living so far from a drug store isn’t it ? Mr. McGuire (in science lesson) : What is an iceberg, Ruby? Ruby Jeffels: Its a kind of permanent wave, sir. Miss Cato: Albert, I wish you would stop acting the fool. Voice from rear: That’s the trouble; he isn’t acting. Eldon Reid: I’m tired of always being the goat. Dora Wootton: Then, why don’t you stop butting in. “Waiter, I want some oysters. But they mustn’t be too large or too small, too old or too tough, and they mustn’t be too salty. I want them cold and I want them at once. Frank Hall: Yes, sir, with or without pearls? Miss Howard (looking at her watch) : As we have a few minutes to spare I should like to have someone ask a question. Robert Douglas: What time is it please? THE LAB—ROOM 19 Chamber of antinasal vapors How oft have I breathed thy eruptions Dost ever think of thy occupants—when Thou emit forth thy putrid H 2 S Thou hast no feeling—soul nor humanity Ah me! for a single brief respite To clear my swimming brain with purer air How dost expect one to praise thee Upon harassing him with thy vile odors. On crossing thy threshold Methinks some person has smitten me With myriads of over-ripe eggs Oft too dost thou smell like a hospital And yet thou hast thy good points Thy corps of labelled bottles bestir mine curiosity To experience is to profit intellectually So—how cautiously do I remove the top of one Should’st I sniff?—‘Yea,’ says conscience. So whats to do about it—somebody turned out the light and I went to sleep.

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48 E. H. S. YEAR BOOK OUR “LITS” Our year indeed was one which flourished with high-class Lits de luxe. Ah! will we ever forget those days when we sat spellbound in our crowded assembly hall, spellbound before the unparalleled talent of our school. You could almost hear a railroad spike drop when-stood up to sing—and remember how so and so perspired and how someone else’s fingers shook when he got up to play his first public piano solo. Nor will we forget the surprise we got when Ray Lambertson and his highly-educated poodle made it very hard for the audience to stay “sat down,” and Walter Howard, our reincarnated Houdini, caused our eyes to pop out and our gum to slip down when he said “presto” and lo he produced a piano from a top hat. And then—that immortal play with a magnificent cast: Joan Millar, in the heart-throbbing role as nurse; Art Southworth, the lucky patient; Jack White, the absent-minded doctor, who forgot where he left his saw, and Ada Cheedle, the villanous gold- miner. Those with loftier tastes will never forget the beautiful strains from Mr. Leaver’s chorus, and the strings of our little Paganini, Frank Skinner. In looking back from the years to come we will always remember the excellent performance of all in our Lits. STRIKE THREE--E! BATTER’S OUT! Since the day when Casey dashed the hopes of the Mudville rooters by his tremendous air-shattering third strike, there have been a few intrepid youngsters with swollen knuckles and calloused palms who have disdained the degenerating influences of soft-ball and insisted on playing a man’s game. It is to be expected that Eastwood, located, as it is, among the wide open spaces of Edmonton, should foster many who aspire to the crowns of Babe Ruth and Roger Hornsby. They can be seen on the campus while the younger boys are still shooting marbles, magnificent in their indiffer¬ ence to mud and snow, while they hurl a ball enveloped by a nebula of flying particles of mud. With Easter examinations over and reports engaging the attention of the staff, the clamor for a house league began to grow from a few disorganized croaks to a concerted howl. As a result, notices were posted, a meeting of the above-mentioned, horny-handed youths convened and after much friendly banter, three teams were chosen, piloted by Crassick, Ferrier and Elaschuk. It is too early as yet to judge the relative strengths of the three teams, but good sport is assured. The Inter-School Baseball schedule has not been posted at the time that this article goes to press. Eastwood fans and players are confident that a strong team will be put in the field to represent our school in com¬ petition with other city high schools. Dave McKill (reading Virgil) : “Three times I strove to cast my arms about her neck and—that’s as far as I got, Miss Cato.” Miss Cato: “Well David, I think that was quite far enough.”

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50 E. H. S. YEAR BOOK CONSTITUTION Constitution how I love it! Seems to me it never ends. King and Commons, Lords and Judges On and on it ever wends How I thank my guardian angel Or my guiding star instead That I wasn’t saved for later Say! three hundred years ahead, For in days of rapid changes Writers work for all they’re worth Trying to outdo each other Adding to the text-book’s girth. History, Algebra, Geometry, Trig. Was Gladstone a Tory or was he a Whig? Chemistry, Latin and Literature, too; Memory work, Heavens, what am I to do? Next will be Spare, Oh blessed respite, Betty, my friend, is this essay all right? Mr. Leaver: Give me an example of a collective noun. Harry Abram: An ash can. Mr. Younie: What is steam? John Coyne: Steam is water gone crazy with the heat. “That’s the guy I’m laying for,” said the hen as farmer Sid Reid crossed the yard. A kipper coster’s cart upset and all the poor fish fell in the mud. A crowd gathered and one small man crept up behind Eleanor Douglas. “What a waste,” he cried when he saw the scene of disorder. Eleanor Douglas turned around angrily and said “Mind your own business will you?” He: I’ve an awful cold in my head. She: Well, that’s something, anyhow! Oren Baker: What do you associate with the word mutton? Horace Hooker: Jeff. Wife: “A Chinese general has given orders that no man shall marry until the country is settled again.” Absent-Minded Husband: “One scrap at a time, eh?” Mother: “What are you doing out there, Mary?” Mary: “I’m looking at the moon, mother.” Mother: “Well, tell the moon to go home. It’s half-past eleven. The young man had a strenuous time at a dance with a novice. He limped painfully off the floor and sat down with a wry grimace. “What’s the matter?” asked his friend. “Matter!” groaned the dancer. “I don’t mind having ‘rings on my fingers’ but I cannot stand ‘belles cn my toes’!”