Eastern High School - Punch and Judy Yearbook (Washington, DC)

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THE EASTERNER 25 Advertisements ARE YOU BEHIND THE CHRONOS? SSS MPERS AWNUAL iy) Get Into Step with the Cosmos. Read Jarpers Annually! ! Do you like confession stories? Read the story of “Julius, the boy bandit, or the rise of a second-story man,” by Algernon Algerson, the burglar sheik. Worst stories ever written in JARPERS ANNUALLY. Do you like love affairs and scandal? Well, you won't find anything like that in this paper. However, read the “Loves of a Chorus Girl,” by Sophie Softsoap, former Jiggfield Follies beauty. A new life story by the world-famous authority on the female sex, Captain Ronald Brown, entitled “Women Who Haye Had the Pleasure of my Acquaintance.” Pure unadulterated mush in JARPERS ANNUALLY. Perhaps you are sporty (?) If you read this magazine you will read the worst possible sports write-ups under the direction of the late H. Giff Irion, formerly sports editor of “The Easterner.” Among the contributions to this de- partment is “The Art of Falling Off a Horse With Savoir Faire,” by His Royal Highness, The Prince of Wales. Do you shoot crap? gamble? If so, read the famous gambling expose on throwing 6 consecutive 7’s, by the most famous crook of Monte Carlo, Sing Sing and points East, Mr. P. Oker Face. All half dead and worn-out sports in JARPERS ANNUALLY. DON’T PASS THE GO-GO SIGN. Is there anything you would like to know? It can’t be found in JARPERS ANNUALLY. Most Pessimistic, cynical, sceptical, and ironical views are taken. Our writers are all well known and in- famous men and women from the “Hall of Shame.” Most of our contributors are graduates of that wonderful institution, St. Elizabeth’s Bug House. Read JARPERS ANNUALLY and grow dumb to the Nth degree. Put yourself ona par with any senior at Eastern. Don’t let anyone surpass you in the originality of your dumbness. You can reach that remarkable state by reading JARPERS ANNUALLY. Some of Our Famous Contributors! Horatius writes for the Bridge department. Croquet instructions by Mike O’Toole. Judge Landis Gyp the Blood. Cal Himself “Peaches” Browning Sir Isaac Newton William Shakespeare Edmund Burke We are very pleased to announce that our World Trayel Bureau will be in the hands of a well-known globe trotter, Uriah U. Ulysses of Odyssey fame dur- ing the Trojan War. Twelve months’ subscription... ... FREE One year’s subscription... $1.7654 per annum. Don’t miss this chance of a lifetime to get some of the world’s worst reading matter. Mail the inclosed coupon at once. New Lipstick Sets World Agog! Girls, here’s the thing that will keep the boys from going home with the evidence on their face. No longer will jealous wives slay zealous hus- bands that seem to possess more than one pair of “cupid bows.” No longer will the dashing young high school Don Juan have to go to bed at 12 o'clock without his bottle just be- cause his mother knew he hadn’t gone to prayer meeting. Stayput is absolutely the latest wrinkle in lipstick game. Once ap- plied it stays—stays because it sticks ; sticks because it is tenacious. That is why a million people are now using Stayput successfully. If we can “gyp” you, that will make one million and one. As a special inducement we are offering this mar- velous creation at the price of 25c for the first two- fifths mile. Don’t delay, send the money today for the cops are liable to get us any minute. AMERICAN VARNISH COMPANY, OALALA, MICHIGAN. ROOKS AND THEIR BOOKS The Rookie passed the Senior With very reverent looks, For the Rookie is a stupid For carrying so many books. His math. and all his other books He carries all the day; T'll bet he even carries them When he goes out to play. —Murray Bernhardt, 2142.

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Miss Stockett: I hear that you danced at the Bal Boheme. Did you see Miss Baldwin? Martha Fisher: No, I didn’t. How was she dressed? Miss Stockett: She was dressed as an angel. Martha: Oh, I didn’t recognize her! OK Ok Mr. Suter in Chem: What happens to po- tassium chlorate when heated? Higgins (after deep thought): It gets hot! k It was in English 8. The discussion was of Lord Chesterfield. 5 Tubby Dyson: I know—he married Fatima. ene ek Boy—I’m just dying to have a date with you. Girl—Well, that is an inducement ! Ok Ok F. Mitchell: I just came from gym. M. Wertman: Jim who? x Ox Fred Randall—Let’s put our heads together and make a boat. Van Demark—You'll need more wood than that. Butler (after pushing Cooper over a fence) —Lady, there’s a dog in your yard. Cooper—I’m not in the yard. ok O Clagett—What should I do when I see white spots in front of my eyes? Tripp—Stop drinking that stuff. Miss Lohman, explaining math problem: Now how could a chicken weigh 46 pounds? G. Davies: Which kind of chicken? Kk Sam—My father’s in the grocery business. Jimmy—What branch? Sam—He collects the garbage. Mrs. Byram, at Fall Show rehearsal: Now, . Friends” in four parts. Come, My aes Miss Monk: Miss Prince, bring the stump on the stage. Stage Hand: She’s smo! right size. king it down to the x + Eleanor Harvey (in library): I wonder if “Lord Jim” is on the truck. 4 x O Libby Welch to bashful boy friend: Don’t you love “Me Too?” B. B. F.: Oh, er, yeah. Se ae Seen on an English paper: Robinson Crusoe was a man strangled on a desert island. eo tet Katherine: Do you like cow-skin? Pauline: How do I know? eee Things seldom seen: Right answers on math papers. Rookies with some sense. Giff Irion without a cheese sandwich. Shorty Kidwell without Eddie Christiansen. Sam McClathery on time. Teachers playing mothers. More than 50 on a Burke test. + eye John—I’m not satisfied. Charlie—Try a Chesterfield; they satisfy. eg Ek She: I’m descended from a long line of ladies. He: You don’t say! She: My grandmother walked home from the covered wagon. Joe—Did you take a walk? Pete—No, is there one missing?

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26 Comments of a Quilldriver Eastern’s basketball team may not be living up to its last year’s form, but it is the most aggres- sive, fighting outfit among the high schools this season. The defeats at the hands of Business and West- ern were very discouraging to the student body, but the squad never lost heart. The third game was with Eastern’s old rival, Central, now leading the series. In the first quarter Central blew off to a 10-0 lead. A saucy group of Cen- tralites commenced calling for a shut-out when the Light Blue and White regained itself and ended the half climbing steadily, but still on the short end of a 13-6 score. Eastern then struck hard in the second half. Depro was now at center and Hoffman at forward. The former stepped right in get- ting the jump from Tash, Central center, whilst the latter proved a giant defensively. With Hogarth and McAllister leading the attack, Eastern stepped forward to a one- point lead with the third quarter almost over. A two-pointer for the Mt. Pleasant five placed them in the lead as the quarter ended. The final quarter was more thrill- ing than a Ninth Street movie. Eastern gained a two-point lead only to be overtaken for the last time by Central, the latter team winning 25-23. Such is the his- tory of one of the most exciting, flashy basketball games since that famed final Eastern-Western fray in 1924, in which Eastern won the city championship. The EASTERNER takes pleasure in congratulating the following men who participated in the first Eastern-Central game of the current season: Faber, If. McAllister, rf. Depro, c. Doerr, Ig. n B. Rath, Introducing Gordo Esquire ery student would like to know more about oe a { the members © ae dinarily gained room contact. Practically ev sonal side 0 faculty than is 0” daily class: e will attempt to intimately aC- ar track through In this sketch w' make you more inted with our popul dof Mr. ‘ave quai coach, Gordon B. Rath When Spain learned’ © Rath’s birth, July 6, 1898 1 up, and hostilities in t he Spanish- ‘American War ceased. He a tended Iowa University in the fa of 1916. When the call to. arms came, in April, 4917, he imme- diately enlisted in the army. After being at Camp Cody, New Mex- ico, and Fort Sill, Oklahoma, he was shipped to France. On the way over, Mr. Rath's trans- port, the Kashmir, collided with the Otronto, during a storm at sea. The Otronto sank with the loss of several hundred men, the remainder being saved by a Brit- ish destroyer. The Kashmir was badly damaged and was forced ta port in Scotland. After journeying hither and yon for some time, Mr. Rath at last arrived in France. He served twenty-one months as a ser- geant of artillery. At the close of the war he re- turned to this country and re-en- tered Iowa University in the fall of 1919, where he pursued a course in liberal arts and law, graduating in the spring of 1924. For three years he played varsity football, after captaining the Freshman eleven. He was admitted to the Bar, June, 1924; then he came to Washington, where for a year he was affiliated with the Hine Jun- ior High School. In the fall of 1925 Mr. Rath came to Eastern Eastern Makes Bad Start in First Half of Series During the first half of the last basketball series, Eastern exper- jenced great trouble in Retting settled down. The play was ood one day and bad the next, and not comparing with the smooth Win- ning play of last year, Business captured the first fray from Eastern, 27-22. After losing to Western, 36-22, the Capito} Hill boys put up the battle of their lives against a strong Centra] team, They were defeated, but not beaten, The last clash of the first half of the series was with Tech; Eastern won a well-earned Victory though Tech displayed a rugged fighting spirit, — Hoffman, If. Bushong, ¢ Hogarth, Ig. Essex, Te This column would like to not that the sportsmanship of the high schools during the present Biter ball series has been far from = fect. This fact is evident ea the referee proclaims a foul tee The crowd supporting the ten which the foul shot is agai usually boos both the digas = the player who takes the Ae Such action is the Poorest kind BE sportsmanship. We are glad to note, however, that as a general rule Easternites do not indulge in this unworthy practice, ee and everyone knows how zealously he has worked for us. He is track coach, assistant gym instructor and teacher of Commercial Law. With so much accomplished in less than two years, the outlook for the fu- ture is, in the common vernacular, “red hot.” Good luck, Mr. Rath!