Eastern High School - Punch and Judy Yearbook (Washington, DC)

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Miss Stockett: I hear that you danced at the Bal Boheme. Did you see Miss Baldwin? Martha Fisher: No, I didn’t. How was she dressed? Miss Stockett: She was dressed as an angel. Martha: Oh, I didn’t recognize her! OK Ok Mr. Suter in Chem: What happens to po- tassium chlorate when heated? Higgins (after deep thought): It gets hot! k It was in English 8. The discussion was of Lord Chesterfield. 5 Tubby Dyson: I know—he married Fatima. ene ek Boy—I’m just dying to have a date with you. Girl—Well, that is an inducement ! Ok Ok F. Mitchell: I just came from gym. M. Wertman: Jim who? x Ox Fred Randall—Let’s put our heads together and make a boat. Van Demark—You'll need more wood than that. Butler (after pushing Cooper over a fence) —Lady, there’s a dog in your yard. Cooper—I’m not in the yard. ok O Clagett—What should I do when I see white spots in front of my eyes? Tripp—Stop drinking that stuff. Miss Lohman, explaining math problem: Now how could a chicken weigh 46 pounds? G. Davies: Which kind of chicken? Kk Sam—My father’s in the grocery business. Jimmy—What branch? Sam—He collects the garbage. Mrs. Byram, at Fall Show rehearsal: Now, . Friends” in four parts. Come, My aes Miss Monk: Miss Prince, bring the stump on the stage. Stage Hand: She’s smo! right size. king it down to the x + Eleanor Harvey (in library): I wonder if “Lord Jim” is on the truck. 4 x O Libby Welch to bashful boy friend: Don’t you love “Me Too?” B. B. F.: Oh, er, yeah. Se ae Seen on an English paper: Robinson Crusoe was a man strangled on a desert island. eo tet Katherine: Do you like cow-skin? Pauline: How do I know? eee Things seldom seen: Right answers on math papers. Rookies with some sense. Giff Irion without a cheese sandwich. Shorty Kidwell without Eddie Christiansen. Sam McClathery on time. Teachers playing mothers. More than 50 on a Burke test. + eye John—I’m not satisfied. Charlie—Try a Chesterfield; they satisfy. eg Ek She: I’m descended from a long line of ladies. He: You don’t say! She: My grandmother walked home from the covered wagon. Joe—Did you take a walk? Pete—No, is there one missing?

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THE EASTERNER 23 We feel as though their opinion was well backed up, as we note there were two receiving 100 per cent—Gertrude Effenback and Evelyn Scott. Thete were two with averages of ninety-nine, Ina Holtzscheiter and Alvin Car- roll; and two with a ninety-eight grade—Mary Gastrock and Joseph Botazzi. Besides these, there were fifteen grades be- tween ninety-three and ninety-six and only one pupil whose work was graded as low as fair. The slogan of this department is “high standards,” and “develop your musical talent, use it for the good of your school and the community as well as for your own happiness.”’ New Car Rates to Save Students Money Through the co-operation of the local street car companies, special “Eastern High School tickets,” selling at the same rate as tokens, six for 40 cents, were placed on sale at the school bank recently. These tickets, benefiting stu- dents from Woodridge, Langdon, South Brookland, Eckington, Riverdale, and Mt. Rainier, enable the purchaser to ride to and from school by a much shorter route than for- merly. The ticket, consisting of two parts, is Presented on boarding the car of the Wash- ington Railway Electric Company. Part one is torn off by the conductor. Part two, which is punched and returned to the passenger, is good for fare on the cars of the Capital Trac- tion Company. A student living at Mt. Rainier or adjacent neighborhoods may take a car on Rhode Island Avenue, N. E., present an E. H. S. car ticket, and get a 1c transfer good at Eckington Place and Florida Avenue on a Capitol Traction car. The conductor of the Capitol Traction car will give, on presentation of part two of the E. H. S. ticket, a free transfer which entitles the student to ride from Eighth and East Cap- itol Streets on a Lincoln Park car to Eastern High School. A student using the North Capitol Street car line may change at Florida Avenue and North Capitol Street and proceed as outlined for the other students. The Eastern High School street car ticket is good for trips both to and from school. Transcriptions of Stenographers There was once a young lady, who after taking “we send you the catalogues by this mail,” handed her employer the letter, ending with “we send you the cat legs by this mail,” and all the time she ought to have known that the firm did not deal in cats and for that rea- son would have no spare parts on hand. There was a young man who rendered “if you have any inside information, please let me have it,” into “if you have any inside in- flammation, please let me have it,” and never stopped to think that if anybody wanted that sort of thing, all he would have to do would be to buy a lot of green apples and eat them and wait for the reply. Wanted: A lady for traveling position; must be entirely unimpeded with a high school educa- tion. x ok The Seniors would eat no fat; The Sophs would eat no lean; And so before fifth hour came ’round They'd licked the lunchroom clean. eee Found: A watch running up 14th street ; also a green lady’s umbrella. Miss Monk—What did you think of “The Man Upstairs” ? Allan Mockabee—That was the “Cat’s Claws,” Miss Monk. x Miss Webb (after test); All the boys who have finished will please erase the front board. (Pause) Shiro, why aren’t you helping the others erase? Shiro: I ain’t a boy; I’m a man. Isabel Witherite (to Elise Scharf): Sure, I can sing alto. My mother was a crack alto singer in the village choir, Elise Scharf: Oh, is that why your voice is cracked—? “TI hope this soaks in,” cried the father as he tossed a bucket of water at Romeo.

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THE EASTERNER 25 Advertisements ARE YOU BEHIND THE CHRONOS? SSS MPERS AWNUAL iy) Get Into Step with the Cosmos. Read Jarpers Annually! ! Do you like confession stories? Read the story of “Julius, the boy bandit, or the rise of a second-story man,” by Algernon Algerson, the burglar sheik. Worst stories ever written in JARPERS ANNUALLY. Do you like love affairs and scandal? Well, you won't find anything like that in this paper. However, read the “Loves of a Chorus Girl,” by Sophie Softsoap, former Jiggfield Follies beauty. A new life story by the world-famous authority on the female sex, Captain Ronald Brown, entitled “Women Who Haye Had the Pleasure of my Acquaintance.” Pure unadulterated mush in JARPERS ANNUALLY. Perhaps you are sporty (?) If you read this magazine you will read the worst possible sports write-ups under the direction of the late H. Giff Irion, formerly sports editor of “The Easterner.” Among the contributions to this de- partment is “The Art of Falling Off a Horse With Savoir Faire,” by His Royal Highness, The Prince of Wales. Do you shoot crap? gamble? If so, read the famous gambling expose on throwing 6 consecutive 7’s, by the most famous crook of Monte Carlo, Sing Sing and points East, Mr. P. Oker Face. All half dead and worn-out sports in JARPERS ANNUALLY. DON’T PASS THE GO-GO SIGN. Is there anything you would like to know? It can’t be found in JARPERS ANNUALLY. Most Pessimistic, cynical, sceptical, and ironical views are taken. Our writers are all well known and in- famous men and women from the “Hall of Shame.” Most of our contributors are graduates of that wonderful institution, St. Elizabeth’s Bug House. Read JARPERS ANNUALLY and grow dumb to the Nth degree. Put yourself ona par with any senior at Eastern. Don’t let anyone surpass you in the originality of your dumbness. You can reach that remarkable state by reading JARPERS ANNUALLY. Some of Our Famous Contributors! Horatius writes for the Bridge department. Croquet instructions by Mike O’Toole. Judge Landis Gyp the Blood. Cal Himself “Peaches” Browning Sir Isaac Newton William Shakespeare Edmund Burke We are very pleased to announce that our World Trayel Bureau will be in the hands of a well-known globe trotter, Uriah U. Ulysses of Odyssey fame dur- ing the Trojan War. Twelve months’ subscription... ... FREE One year’s subscription... $1.7654 per annum. Don’t miss this chance of a lifetime to get some of the world’s worst reading matter. Mail the inclosed coupon at once. New Lipstick Sets World Agog! Girls, here’s the thing that will keep the boys from going home with the evidence on their face. No longer will jealous wives slay zealous hus- bands that seem to possess more than one pair of “cupid bows.” No longer will the dashing young high school Don Juan have to go to bed at 12 o'clock without his bottle just be- cause his mother knew he hadn’t gone to prayer meeting. Stayput is absolutely the latest wrinkle in lipstick game. Once ap- plied it stays—stays because it sticks ; sticks because it is tenacious. That is why a million people are now using Stayput successfully. If we can “gyp” you, that will make one million and one. As a special inducement we are offering this mar- velous creation at the price of 25c for the first two- fifths mile. Don’t delay, send the money today for the cops are liable to get us any minute. AMERICAN VARNISH COMPANY, OALALA, MICHIGAN. ROOKS AND THEIR BOOKS The Rookie passed the Senior With very reverent looks, For the Rookie is a stupid For carrying so many books. His math. and all his other books He carries all the day; T'll bet he even carries them When he goes out to play. —Murray Bernhardt, 2142.