Eastern High School - Punch and Judy Yearbook (Washington, DC)

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20 THE EASTERNER It is stated by the telephone company that Gardner Henry keeps the “hello girls” quite busy getting his homework from Vance Fisher. Who bobbed her hair that certain way first—Norma Shearer, the movie sheikess, of Florence Smith? ; Caroline Reece, of section 305-3, is, accord- ing to Charles Jarrett, a “darn sharp girl.” Speaking of goats! We weren't? Well, never mind, Did any of you ever watch Emily May and Ethel Mae Frame eat with knives and soup spoons while in the lunch room? Surely you didn’t miss their amusing enter- tainment at the top of the marble stairs? It is rumored that William Crentz had better stay away from the Easterner room if he values his health. Arthur Murray has a rival in person of James Dietz. We recently saw him strutting at the Senior Prom. Many masculine hearts are heavy with the loss of Betty Bayliss and Ida Parker. It is rumored that Dale Snell is going to give Frances Wright six inches of his height. He is very sympathetic. Well, girls, it surely looks bad for you. After four years of heart throbs and thrills, Allen Cross has left Eastern. “Benjy” McCullough has “Helen Breen” written in all his books. Now we'd been think- ing he was one of those “women haters.” By the way, Conrad Grohs has given up his title of “woman hater,” too. He has admitted the superiority of the feminine sex. An at. tractive brunette of the February class helped him to change his mind. Dorothy Black has given up attempts to win the title of “The Beatrice Fairfax of Eastern,” She introduced two perfectly adorable people and stood off to watch results. Something went wrong, though, for they argued all] evening. Which just goes to show that you never can tell. One of those dear little rookies (name with- held because of age) has a wild crush on Zambreny. Every day she gives a long-suffer- ing friend of hers a detailed account of how he looked, what he wore, what he said, how he said it, etc. If “Zam” would only smile upon her, her heaven upon earth would be complete. Roscoe Kearns, according to the best author- ity, has been coming down to watch the Sopho- more girls’ basketball practice. Is the attrac- tion “Aggie” Gallagher or Mary Drake? Billie Boswell had lots of fun this winter season. Every snow storm found Billie out with his little sled. At such times he is indeed a dashing young gentleman. Brooks—Why did you flunk geometry? Hartzell—Mrs. Staples thought my triangles looked like wrecktangles. Ethel Mae Frame—I'’ve half a mind to write a story for the EaAsTERNER. Johnny-on-the-spot—That’s all you need.

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THE EASTERNER 19 Try It By Criype RicHarpson, ’28 For every result there is a cause or causes, whether it be the result of a war, a football game, or an examination. So it is quite evident that there must be a reason why our lunchroom is so eminently successful. I wonder how many of us truly realize the importance of this school institution, and how well it is fulfilling its pur- pose. To most of us it is simply a place where we go to get our lunches, where we get them cheaply, and where we can consume them in a social atmosphere. Now, right there lies the secret. Did you ever hunt for anything and finally find it right under your nose? Well, that is what happens in this case. The lunch- room is so evident in its success that it fairly conceals it. That sounds paradoxical, but it really isn’t. Before we can realize to what extent it is ful- filling its destiny we must understand just what is the lunchroom’s purpose. “To eat in, of course,” you say. But there is something more to it than that. The object is to supply food to the students at the lowest possible price, in the best manner consistent with that price, and to provide it in a clean, sanitary, social environment. As to the social end of it, there is little or no doubt. Walk through there during a lunch hour, and you will understand. Why, more news, school and otherwise, and examinations are discussed and compared, or contrasted, here, than in any other place around the school. And jokes— well, you ought to sit at my table. You know, it is rather odd how good food makes people want to tell jokes and laugh. And so we come by natural sequence of events, results, effects, or what have you, to the reason all this is true. I think the big reason has been Mr. Joseph Kochka, himself. Now, to get to the point, as the ink said to the pen point, Mr. Kochka has produced re- sults. He has given his entire time to his job and has studied his plan of battle from A to Z, as any good Napoleon should. He has been always on the field ready to jump in the breach and smooth out any difficulties. He has also surrounded himself with a staff of able lieu- tenants. In addition to these animate aids, he has put into effect various inaminate ones. In the kitchen every mechanical device is em- ployed to limit cost of production and prepara- tion. The system of preparation and serving has been reduced to a minimum cost. Witness the self-serving arrangement and the duty of carrying our used plates to the side tables. System, eh, what? The food that is put up for sale is bought at the lowest price possible con- sistent with its excellent quality. How can such measures fail? I have reserved one final argument to clinch this thing. It is unanswerable. That is, try the food! PLEASANT RECOLLECTIONS “It ain’t ev’rybody I’d put to sleep in this room,” said Mrs. Jones to the fastidious and extremely nervous young minister, who was spending the night at her house. “This here room is full of sacred associations to me. My first husband died in that very bed with his head on those same pillows and poor Mr. Jones died setting in that thar corner. Sometimes when I come into the room in the dar’, I think I see him settin’ there still. My own father died laying right on that couch by the winder. Poor pa! He was a Speeritualist and always said he’d appear in this room after he died, and sometimes I’m foolish enough to look for him. If you should see him tonight, you’d bet- ter not tell me; for it’d be a sign to me that was something in Speeritualism, and I’d hate to think that. My son by my first husband fell dead of heart trouble right where you are standing. He was a doctor, and there’s three whole skeletons in that closet that belonged to him and eight skulls in that lower drawer. Well, I guess you are tired; so good night, and pleasant dreams.” Gwenvotyn N. Rusk, ’29.

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THE EASTERNER Students say that Gilmore Wheeler was Fastern’s sheik and they all agree that little sister Helen, quite capable herself, must have been coaching him, Coach Guyon, looking sadly at his first-string players, murmured: “Such rough boys! They will kill our fellows, surely. O’Brien, get in the game.” Eight Easternites, all packed in a Ford sedan, recently went on an exploring trip into Southern Maryland. Several of the eight parked on top of Clark Bressler. He, poor child, is at last looking rather subdued. Ursula Hancock journeyed to New York during the Christmas holidays to investigate the charms of the metropolis. Evidently the said charms did their pleasant duty, for our ears are now filled with ‘‘Boiton,” “Ed,” and “Dickie,” that cute Spanish boy, etc. Joe still stands first in her heart, though. “Bobby” Willis is wild to meet a girl named Rachel (last name unknown). She has red hair, a sweet disposition and brown eyes, though he isn’t sure about the eyes. Any girl answering to this description apply to “Bobby” Willis, Esq., room 207, “Mouse” Miller says: “A rookie knows nothing and knows he knows nothing.” “A sophomore knows nothing and thinks he knows it all.” “A junior knows a lot, but doesn’t know he knows a lot.” “A senior knows it all and knows he knows it all.” We say that is more truth than poetry. “Fave you seen the Miles twins? I danced with Ches—or maybe it was Frank—I can’t tell which.” This is the talk which is floating around school. It’s all about a set of twins. And can they dance! ‘21 All the girls have decided to relieve the cadets of a few of the brilliantly polished but- tons on their new suits. It’s really the same principle that the Indians had in regard to their victims’ scalps. “Andy” Anderson is closely pursued and it is feared that he will soon be a heavy loser. Louis Deproe took the part of “Stage Door Johnny” during the rehearsals of Tech’s opera over at Eastern. Judging from the opinion of several charming faeries in the play, his part was a huge success. John Hahn has become a frequent and fa- miliar visitor at a “sorority house” on Mass. Ave. No wonder—never mind, we'll find out. Some mischievous students have been trac- ing things on the window panes with their fingers. “Allan Mockabee” and “Elizabeth Arnett” seems to be the gist of their composi- tions. The old saying that runs, “Good things come in small packages,” once more has proven true. Take Master James Halloway, for instance. Our young millionaire playmate, Chester Groves, has been spending his spare time lately patronizing the “National.” The editor of this column apologizes to Mis- ter Robert Thompson for calling him the “baby sheik” in our last issue. Many protests have been received declaring that he is a real he- man. We understood that soft-shoe dancers were only young men with very small feet. And yet, Tom Coiner can certainly dance. Eastern’s chances to win the competitive drill took a decided drop, and the hearts of many young maidens were nearly broken when our tall and handsome colonel, Karlton Stein, left school.