Eastern High School - Punch and Judy Yearbook (Washington, DC)

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THE BASTEENER 20 THE SLOWER THEY ARE, THE SURER THEY FALL There is a singular rumor being circulated around school concerning the all-around Fasternite hero, popularly known as ‘“Roudie.’”? Certain of his classmates state that he recently dated a homework paper 1916, wrote his French lessons in Spanish, and made other inexplicable errors. After a careful consideration of circumstances and a solemn conference together, those honored Easternites who are best fitted to judge such weighty matters finally came to the reluctant conclusion that our sturdy athletic hero, our reliable, unfailing student, and above all, our indifferent, unsusceptible anti- lady’s man must be—in love. Oh, that Roudie should have come to this! Margaret Beasley was once heard to re- mark that her books are full of letters be- cause the mail man arrives just as she leaves for school. When someone asked her whether she always receives a letter, she replied, “No, indeed, sometimes I get two.” We have all heard of ‘‘Billy’s’’ dramatic ability, his cadet ability, his speed-demon spirit, ete.; but there is one of his talents (?) which few of us know about—his astonishing aptitude in wiggling his ears, his pastime in French class. THE INEVITABLE RESULT Glee Club rehearsal—an abandoned school. Mr. Schwartz—empty pockets. Miss Bucknam in a noisy corridor—Peace. Sam Matthews—laughter. Burke—St. Elizabeth’s. Virgil—an early grave. Don’t judge a man’s importance by the number of keys his ring carries. ‘He may be a night watchman. English teacher (talking about objects of verbs): ‘‘Mary, what is your object?” Mary T. (absent-mindedly): “‘To get a husband.’’ - SCHOOL GOSSIP WANTED me company in the eone to keep Som e.—Miss Smith. JT am always alon ee cuse for getting out of class— office. A new ex “Buddy’”’ Walls. pe UL Dee Se A companion to roam the halls with— “Bondy.” pia Nat ee A good alarm elock.—‘‘Teddy’’ Saks, tes eee School to start at 10:30.—Kessler. Beg eS ok Two periods of physical training daily — Palmer. A self-locking locker.—Gill. If you are not acquainted with the Febru- ary Class of ’24, it is time for you to know them. ‘Meet the folks.”’ The class is not large, but their motto is “quality not quantity,’’ for many of them have made themselves famous in one way or the other. They have the highest cadet of- fieer At Bastern—Lt. Col. Clinton Hisle. Then, who will deny that Mortimer Daven- port will some day be another Walter Hamp- den! The most insignificant freshman knows the noted artist, Jack Burton, who is always thrilling our team heroes by putting their handsome faces in THE HEASTERNER. Ath- leties is also well represented in the class. Hats off to Captain Newman! Last, but not least, they have scholastic brilliance. Sam Matthews, the delight of his teachers, Fern Painter, our first-rate editor, and Mae 0’Con- nor, the Burke star, are a few of the shining lights of scholastic honor which make up their select numbers. Big Coach Guyon sat on the side-lines, Watching his boys play nigh; He saw Smith run and a basket won, And said, ‘‘ What a great coach am I!”’

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THE EASTERN ER SHORTY GOES IN of alla basketball games that Le ed my lamps on, th’ one Emor Bmerson wins th’ ball. Jmerson, she has a swell team; five fellers that misses th’ basket as offen as France pays int’rest on her war debt, an’ ten subs nearly as good. Ont’ other hand, Emory has four dandy players, an’ as much chanet of developin’ a fifth as a snowball in a blast furnace. We has subs, of Course, but they’s rank. Lanky, th’ captain of th’ team, gets Shorty, his pal, which is short, stocky, and stoopid, to try fo’ th’ team. Honest, he was a good football player, but he was go dumb he thought Sandy Hook was a Scotchman, I gives th’ bozo a try-out an’ when he starts playin’ he knocks out three of my team cold when they tries to get th’ ball, I gets peeved an’ consigns him to th’ bench for th’ season. Th’ next day I-waltzes up to see my team’s marks, an’ when I sees I has only four regu- lars, a sub, an’ Shorty left, I goes down for th’ count. Th’ rest has flunked. We loses alla games on our schedule—an’ after lec. turin’ my guys, too! I let’s ’em start on Emerson. Th’ quarter ends 8-2, an’ th’ half winds up 15-10 in their favor. I razes my team, an’ then watches th’ third quarter, which ends 20-20, Th’ last quarter starts an’ is half over when my sub sprains his ankle! I has to put Shorty in, an’ I informs him if he wants to enjoy a long life, to use his brains. On th’ first play Shorty is called for rushin’, an’ Emerson gets a point. Then Shorty let his man get two more points. Lanky gets a basket, an’ for a while th’ score at 23-22 against us. Finally, Shorty gets th’ ball, and he snaps it back between his legs like he uster do in football! Th’ ball rises, hits th’ backboard, an’ I hopes to kiss a pig if she don’t begin rollin’ around th’ rim of th’ basket! She slows down, an’ stops, an’ wabbles, an’ then drops—in! I keels over, but as I keels I hears th’ whistle blow, endin’ th’ game. We has won 24 to 23. Basketball? Yeah! Hersert E. ANGEL, 725. ‘Ver park- mory played with hand-painted Paper foot- 19 THE SHMOcKs’ The snow Forest (Ra Lae et the smiling face of Geal ea ae (Eastern Branch) was coy- oaee ae im sheet of ice. Christmas had ee gi ul as it was Supposed to, The Uarious little flock of Yip-Yips longed to 80 once more from their haunts and enjoy oo of the Yuletide. Then one day Sappeared from school and went again ant the wide, wide world to canse anxiety to their parents and to work in the Post Ofice. wie Shmocks assembled and called the roll. Grandpa”’ Shmock (MeInerney) returned from Notre Dame to tend his flock. “Big” Shmock (Otto) was again present to play- fully poke ‘Little’? Shmock (Paul) with a leaded mail sack. He, in turn, would toss “Baby” Shmock (Bondy) down the mail chute into the arms of the wee-wiffleshmocks (“Card,’” Hisle, Kessler, and White). Never in all the world had such a crew as- Sembled. They were busily engaged in throw- ing packages at each other or playing funeral by burying “Baby’’ under a pile of mail sacks. When dinner time came “Big”? and “Little” had a race to the nearest sauerkraut house. ‘‘ Grandpa”’ and the wee-wiffleshmocks ate doughnuts and were happy. ‘‘Baby’’ had to be tended carefully; so his meal consisted of a jardiniere full of chop suey. Soon they returned to work and labored untiringly till dusk, when they all climbed aboard the ele- vator and rode up and down to their hearts’ content. In this way they spent many happy days before Santa Claus went back up porth to his iee palace. Before they disbanded, they had a great celebration. ‘‘Big’’ was presented with a hugh bowl of sauerkraut amid cheers from the rest of the Shmocks. A dance followed and all sang in glee. ‘‘Lit- tle’’ became too noisy, so he was thrown into a mail sack and hung in a corner. They will never forget their Christmas nor will the P. O. officials or the people whose packages they threw at each other. After all had tired of playing and dancing, the merry little band bid each other farewell and returned to school, for they loved school. Arraur Bonpurant, ’24. SECOND CHRISTMAS had begun to fall over the Green ndal] Highlands) and the Green S (the swamps) ;

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THR BOYS’ RIFLE CLUB The boys’ rifle club is progressing rapidly under the leadership of Captain Roy Cheek and Assistant-Captain Petrola. The boys are getting practice, and plenty of it. The team, which is to shoot in the matches, will be se- lected shortly. Two new rifles have been added to the equipment. These Winchester, bolt action, target rifles are used in matches. Only the best shots will be allowed to use them. A new schedule has been arranged for the benefit of the better shots. Any member may practice on Tuesday, but Friday is reserved for those chosen by Mr. Stokes. Mr. Stokes is present at every practice to correct Dosi- tions and anything else that might be detri- mental to the progress of the members. Mr. Hart has been interested in a new heating plant that is being arranged. Archi- tect Harris is working out a plan to increase the radiation of the range which is necessary to heat successfully the big hall. It will not be long before the matches are to be held. The boys realize that they must be diligent to keep Eastern on top. ZASTHRNOR 21 fa GIRLy’ RIFLE CLUB ne Majority of the o; si i ae tiosue tha ne girls in the rifle club Senuine appreciation of our excellent facil ee larly for practice, making very 800d scores as a result of their Steady Practicing, There are many more members in the elub than in previous years, and we have every Opportunity of making this year’s work the best the club has known. As an “‘extra humber,’’ a basketball team from the Girls’ Rifle Club played the team of the Hiking Club in December. Mr. Stokes is giving very valuable aid by 18 coaching. He has chosen several of the girls who have the best scor them extra training in pre Matches to be held next Haworth is assisting Mr. Sto’ and his help is There are also the hi es, and is giving paration for the semester. Mr. kes in this work, appreciated very much. Several teachers and of- ficers who are very able instructors. With their combined coaching and our unusual facilities, we are confident that the Girls’ Rifle Club will bring honors to Eastern in the coming matches. 6 Several days ago. I stepped down. To the range. Out of curiosity. The first thing. I heard. Was an explosion. That reminded me. Of noises. I’ve heard in Uncle. Adolph’s cellar. When he made. Root-beer. T asked. “How goes it?’’ The reply was. “Our marksmen. Are the bull frog’s. Epiglottis when. It comes to. Shooting.’’ I thank you. Geraup Coz, ’24. Miss Underwood : ‘‘What is Mexico famous for?’’ Newman: ‘‘Earrings.””